Mistaken Vows
by twi-ction
Summary: AU, Post New Moon. Three years after their departure from Forks, Bella turns up as one of Carlisle's intensive care patients with no family to claim her when she recovers. Will Bella tell Edward the truth of her recent past, or try to spare him the pain?
1. Chapter 1

"_You… don't… want me?" She spoke each word slowly, confusion plaguing her innocent and beautiful features. _

"_No." _

_That one word would be my downfall. That single lie, the cause of my one life motivation - shattered. That solitary syllable, the end of my world. _

_And it was all my own fault. _

_Nothing could have been farther from the truth, and nothing could have been more painful. I knew that unless I made it convincing, she would never believe me… I knew that when my voice cracked, and I turned to look away and hide my pain… she would see through my façade and know the truth immediately. _

_I was wrong. _

_I had never seen Bella more hurt than in that moment. I turned to look away, trying to ignore her cries resonating behind me. As soon as I was out of her eye-sight, I bolted. I ran full out, not going anywhere in particular. I ran until I collapsed, tearless sobs wracking my body as I curled into a ball on the forest floor. _

_She had believed me. After all that we had been through, and the countless times I had told her that I loved her and that she was the only thing that was important to me… she believed that I could let it all go just like that. _

_Minutes passed as I lay on the ground in my own personal hell, fighting with the urge to go back to her… to end her pain and confusion. _

_I couldn't. I had sealed my own fate and now I was destined to live a life vacant of the love and adoration that had been my lifeless pulse for the past year and a half. _

_She would move on, I was almost certain of it. Even if she didn't realize it now, soon she would come to see that my absence was best for her. She was better off without me. She would grow up, marry some lucky man. All I could wish for now was that she was happy and that the man she chose was fully aware of how lucky he was to have her. _

"_I'm so sorry, Bella. I'm so… so sorry.." I mumbled into the dirt, clenching and unclenching my fists in an effort to contain my misery. _

_Strong hands offered themselves up out of nowhere, pulling me easily to my feet. I collapsed against Carlisle's shoulder in a rare display of adolescent affection. I rarely admitted to needing help, and I certainly never allowed Carlisle to behave like the father figure he was. I had never found it right to depend on him in that way when he had clearly done so much for me already… but I needed him now. I needed someone now, and although I may not have admitted it aloud, Carlisle knew me enough to the point where verbalization was unnecessary. He locked his arms around my upper back and supported my weight as fought to stay standing through the quaking of my body. _

"_I know, son. I know." He whispered, clapping me lightly on the back in encouragement. _

_He didn't know, though. Nobody knew… and no one ever would._

Years had passed since I had left Bella. I had forbid Alice from checking on her future, and I forbid the rest of the family from any form of contact at all.

"_It will be like I never existed."_ I had said.

I had moved to Anchorage, Alaska with the family after we left Forks, but they were all shouldering different calibers of hatred and disappointment towards me for making them move when they were all perfectly happy there. It grew tiring having to listen to their thoughts every day.

"_He should have just changed her." _

"_Poor Bella, she never deserved that." _

"_Edward's such a moron."_

Eventually, I left. I couldn't listen to the accusations anymore, especially knowing that they were all accurate and rightly deserved on my part. I said goodbye to Carlisle and I caught a plane out of the United States. I flew from Northeast Asia, to Germany, to Switzerland… never finding what I was seeking. I stayed for about a month in the Swiss Alps… but soon tired of the overbearing and endless population of mountain goats. I hiked through some mountain ranges in Canada, meeting several new nomadic vampires along the way, but I never stayed long enough to make a relationship with any of them.

Almost a year later, I returned to Forks.

I couldn't let go of Bella until I knew that she had moved on. I sat outside of her home as I always had, waiting for her light to go off and her breathing to steady before I climbed the tree next to her window.

She was immaculate… so much more beautiful than I ever remembered her. In the year I had been away, she had matured incredibly. I wanted so badly to be able to touch her… to just brush my fingertips along the gorgeous blush of her cheeks one last time. To lay my head on her chest and listen to her heart beat accelerate at my touch.

I resisted.

I waited, watching her for hours. All I needed was for her to speak my name once, and I would know that she hadn't moved on. I would leap through the closed window and take her in my arms and…

The window was closed.

She had moved on.

If she still thought there was any chance that she would be with me, the window would have been open… waiting for me to enter through it.

It wasn't open, though. It was closed.

Why did it hurt so bad? This was what I had wanted. I wanted her to move on… to forget about me. Why, now that she had done what I asked her to, was it such a blow?

I left Forks, then, vowing to never return. Not knowing was better than knowing… my recent experience had taught me that.

The only place left for me was with my family, then.

I was welcomed warmly, no questions asked, but it was clear that I was a changed man. A year of endless wandering… alone with my thoughts, all peaked with the painful visit to Bella's window. I was bordering on derangement at the time, and they all suspected it. All I had thought about in my absence was Bella, and all I thought about now was Bella. I doubted that any event, or any amount of time in the world could change that.

All I did then was mope. I stayed confined to my room for the most part of every day, and I left the house at night when the rest of the family were paired off for their evening activities. Before, I didn't mind being subjected to their sexual thoughts. I tuned them out and ignored them… knowing that one day I would be with Bella and the jealousy would no longer have a place in my life.

I didn't have Bella, now. And I knew I never would.

I left at night, hunting until the early hours of morning when my brothers and sisters would depart to play their part at the local High School. My absence had excused me from being enrolled this year, a fact that I was genuinely appreciative of.

One thing High Schools were infamous for was the budding young relationships. You could barely look anywhere without seeing naïve human teenagers holding hands and thinking their horny and immature thoughts at one another. Now, especially, that was not the place for me.

Carlisle was working, of course, as a doctor at the local hospital. He was barely ever home because of it, and when he did return home it was to play along with the human charade and pretend to need some rest. It baffled humans to see a doctor as attractive as Carlisle get less than 5 hours of sleep a day and still look perfect. The only dark circles that ever appeared under his eyes were due to lack of hunting, not lack of sleep, and as a doctor, he couldn't afford to go without hunting.

Esme was also taking classes during the day at the local college. She was confident in her control around human blood enough now, and she was talking about becoming a nurse.

My insight had shown that her sudden interest in becoming a nurse was just to spend more time with Carlisle, but I never told anyone. She was confident that she could do this, and nobody was going to stop her.

Even though I was alone for the majority of each day, I stayed confined to my room. I read books and wrote in a journal and listened to music at first, but every song and book had a memory linked to Bella… and the only words I could ever write about centered entirely around my longing for Isabella's companionship. Eventually, I gave up on all activity and began sitting still, staring out the window, or playing the piano for hours at a time.

Suicidal thoughts were always present, but I never allowed myself to dwell on them. I had hurt enough people in my lifetime, and I wasn't about to cause this family any more harm than what I was already.

I had also considered joining the Volturi - the ruling family of vampires in which took a special interest in vampires with interesting abilities, but I never acted on that impulse either.

I was a pitiful shell of a soulless being who had nothing left for him but solitude and misery, and I had accepted that. The family never spoke of Bella for my sake, and I hadn't heard any thought of her around me for months, therefore giving no one any incentive to hide their thoughts from me… until today.

It was always obvious to me when someone was trying to shield their thoughts from me. I would always get tiny glimpses of what they were actually thinking in jumbled and confusing fragments that made no sense when put together.

Today, Carlisle was clearly hiding something from me.

I heard him enter the house after working all night long. I heard him ascend the staircase and then his thoughts invaded my mind suddenly, without me even being able to control it.

_Can't tell Edward… as soon as I smelled… what happened to… this is terrible…_

"Carlisle!" I leaped to my feet and wrenched open the door, freezing Carlisle in his tracks, his eyes wide as he looked at me. "What is it you're not telling me?"


	2. Chapter 2

_"Carlisle!" I leaped to my feet and wrenched open the door, freezing Carlisle in his tracks, his eyes wide as he looked at me. "What is it you're not telling me?" _

_--_

He emitted a long sigh before shaking his head slightly and gesturing for me to follow him.

_So STUPID… I should have tried harder… how's he going to… bad reaction… we'll move… damnit_

"What's going on?" I insisted as he clicked the door to his study shut behind us. "Is it Esme?"

"No, Edward… it's not Esme."

"What's so important for me to not find out about, then?" I urged, my curiosity peaking.

"Its…" He hesitated, trying to predict my response before he spoke, "It's Bella, Edward."

"Bella?" I frowned, "Why Bella?" What would have made him bring Bella up?

"She's hurt."

"Carlisle! I told you not to spy on her or look in on… she's hurt!? What happened!?" I bellowed.

"Edward please calm down. I did not go looking for her. She turned up in the hospital today as one of my patients and nobody knows what happened to her. She was found on the side of the road near Denali and it appears that she was attacked by some kind of animal. She was airlifted here because her injuries were serious and I am the specialist for internal bleeding and arterial damage in the area. There was a couple of hours today Edward when I didn't think she was going to make it. I'm still not 100 certain that she will survive, and I'm prepared to change her if I need to. She's stable for now, but she's still in intensive care. I would be there, but they made me leave for at least two hours because I have been working nonstop for 35 hours now. She was out cold when I was operating on her and she was still unconscious when I left. We're afraid she might have a minor concussion and our major concern now is that she goes into a deep coma. Her injuries were potentially fatal, Edward, and its lucky someone found her in time. She's very fortunate."

"No." I growled, "If she was fortunate, she would still be safe at home in Forks without a scratch on her in perfect health! How could this happe-" I stopped short as the images circulating in Carlisle's subconscious became clearer and clearer.

_Bella being wheeled in through the emergency room doors, her face barely recognizable through the blood and bandages and gauze. Large gashes across her throat and face, blood covering her ripped t-shirt and dirt smearing every inch of her arms. _

_Carlisle performing CPR and attempting to keep her heart beating as her pulse began to slow rapidly. _

_The large purple bruise manifesting along her inner arm and ribcage_

_The x-rays and internal damage.._

"Oh God." I gasped, raising my hand to cover my mouth.

Carlisle, realizing what I must have just seen tried to push away the thoughts, but only succeeded in bringing more forward.

_"Doctor Cullen" said a petite nurse in Mickey Mouse scrubs, "No family has been located yet, but we're doing our best." _

_"Did you get the note I wrote on her charts about checking the town of Forks for a Swan listing." _

_"Yes, I checked. She has no surviving family and no other available contacts." _

_Carlisle sighed before responding. "Thank you, Charlotte. Keep trying." _

_"Doctor Cullen… may I have a word with you?" An unfamiliar face in a white lab coat asked. _

_"Certainly Doctor Garner. What is it?" _

_"I did that follow up research on the patients background you requested and it appears she has no health insurance. In situations like this we normally have family to give the okay on the procedure, but she's still unconscious and this surgery is urgent. The internal bleeding is potentially fatal and we can't afford to wait. I need your approval before I book an OR room." _

_"Yes, of course, doctor. By all means we will perform the operation. She is a prior acquaintance of mine and I will be happy to cover any charges her insurance cannot pay." _

_"She doesn't have insurance," The doctor pointed out again. _

_"Yes, that's quite fine. Book the OR, please." _

_Doctor Garner gave a fleeting look of confusion to Carlisle before heading off in the opposite direction. _

"What room?"

His thoughts gave it away before he could resist.

"Edward, that may not be a good idea…" He started.

"Don't tell me its not a good idea. You knew it was a terrible idea to leave her in the first place and you let me make that mistake, so if this is a mistake, don't start correcting me now."

I ignored his protest as I stood and exited the room.

"It's past visiting hours! You can't get in without me."

That one stopped me. I turned back, pleading with my eyes.

"Carlisle, I have to see her."

He locked eyes with me for a moment before finally sighing and throwing up his hands.

"So much for taking a break from work. Alright, but I warn you… this is going to throw out every ounce of progress you've made over the past two years."

"What progress?" I scoffed.

"… I guess I can't be too disappointed. If I was going to come home smelling like her every day I'm sure you would catch on eventually." He reasoned with himself as he grabbed his keys off the desk and followed me out the doors.

--

"Doctor Cullen!" The man I recognized as Doctor Garner greeted him with another confused expression, "I thought you were taking the night off?"

"Isabella Swan was a good friend of my son, Edward. His concern for her and his medical degree will come in handy as he has volunteered to spend some evenings here watching over her."

"Carlisle…" The confusion on my father's co-worker's face spread, "I didn't know your son had a medical degree.."

"You'll come to find that there's a lot you don't know about me, Bill."

_Edward, go ahead without me. I have to partake in some small talk with this obnoxious fool so he'll leave us alone and stop suspecting that we're up to something…_

"Excuse me." I said softly as I sidestepped out of the conversation and made my way to room 407.

I realized as I entered the doorway the massive mistake I may have just made. I had hunted the previous night, but that wouldn't have prepared me to smell the overpowering scent of my singer's blood. It hit me like a brick wall. I could almost feel the black of my eyes swallow the gold entirely. I paused for a moment, swallowing back the venom and breathing in deep mouthfuls of her scent, trying to reacquaint myself with it.

She had received many ounces of blood that was not hers recently, so it wasn't as powerful as I had expected. It smelled different, wrong. It reminded me of the way she smelled when she had been in the hospital almost three years ago because James, the nomadic and entirely sadistic vampire had targeted her and set his appetite for the only thing of any importance in my life.

I closed my eyes and took several steps into the room until there was just a thin curtain between myself and Isabella Swan.

It seemed almost necessary to take a big breath before circling the curtain, but I resisted because it certainly wasn't sensible. I tried my hardest not to breath at all, in fact, as I maneuvered around the thin curtain with exaggerated slowness.

Not even the images from Carlisle's memory could have prepared me for what I saw. Bella was a mess. Her condition was barely even comparable to her last hospital visit… it was extensively worse. One of her legs was wrapped tightly in a thick white cast and elevated by a suspension bar attached to her hospital bed. Her face was in a similar, gauze formed bandage. Barely any of her skin was visible, and what was visible had some form of bruise or laceration covering it. The bed blankets were arranged over her un-bandaged leg and waist, and her hospital gown was folded up over her chest, leaving the deep cut on her side which had been stitched up exposed until the antibacterial solution had dried. Her bare stomach, aside from being recently stitched up, was covered with an assortment of multi-colored bruises and welts.

"Oh, God… Bella. What happened to you?" I breathed, my hand subconsciously rising to cover my mouth. I took a seat in the visitor chair quickly as footsteps approached. I couldn't look away from Bella's mangled image as the nurse entered the room. I heard her steps falter as she caught sight of me.

"Oh!" She gasped, startled. "You must be Dr. Cullen's son!" _Of course he's Doctor Cullen's son, LOOK AT HIM! He's gorgeous. He looks too young, though. But… Dr. Cullen said he has a medical degree… so he can't be that young. Unless of course he's just a super genius. Imagine, stunning AND smart. What a catch that would be. I wonder if I…_

"Yes." I said, cutting off her thoughts only to be bombarded by new ones.

_Oh, and his voice. His voice is so seductive… I wonder what he's doing visiting her. What's so special about her? She's really rather plain, at least from what I saw. She does have a nice body, I guess… and I could stand to lose a few pounds. Oh, I hope he doesn't notice that. Why isn't he looking at me. If he looks at me, I'll do the hair-flip. No man can resist the hair flip. Oh my gosh! Why am I staring at him like this. He's going to think I'm creepy or something. What was I here to do again? His beauty distracted me and now I don't remember._

"I assume you're here to bandage the stitching on her side." I suggested, locking out her unoriginal and highly agitating thoughts and trying to ignore the fact that she called Isabella plain.

"Oh… yes, that's right." She nodded, hurriedly grabbing for the roll of gauze and medical tape on the cart she had been wheeling. I watched her bandage Bella's wound with shaky hands, resisting the urge to push her aside and do it myself. I could have done it in half the time even at human speed… and just for the excuse to touch Bella again.

Stop it… stop it, Edward. I shook my head a little, trying to clear the lust and desire from my mind.

"Are you alright Mr. …"

"Edward. My name is Edward, and yes. I'm fine. How is Bella?"

_Of course he would just ask about her. Never mind asking for my phone number, ask about the girl in the coma who probably will get the plug pulled on her before she ever wakes up. There's no family to claim her, and there's not much we can do for her while she's unconscious. She's a dead beat. Notice me you beautiful, smart man. Notice ME_.

"She's stable, but her condition is still severe. She suffered a lot of internal and external bruising, and if she doesn't regain consciousness soon it might be a sign that she is in a coma, and there's no telling how long that could last."

I nodded my response, still not making eye contact with the nurse. I blocked out her lustful thoughts again as she considered what it would be like to kiss me and waited patiently for her to leave.

"Can I get you anything, Mr. …er, Edward?" _Like maybe my number… or a date?_

"No thank you, I'm fine." I spoke through gritted teeth.

She did the hair flip anyways, even though she knew I wasn't looking at her, after which she exited, trying to consider excuses to return to the room so she could stare at me some more.

As soon as she was gone I rolled my eyes and buried my face in my hands exasperatedly. It was bad enough seeing Bella like this… I really hoped I didn't have to deal with repeat offenses from the naïve and clueless nurse.

_I have an emergency that I need to attend to, Edward. I've cleared with the staff that your visiting hours are extended based on personal reasoning and you can come and go as you please… not that I'm saying that it's the best thing for you… Remember, please. You're in a hospital and your actions are a reflection on me. Make sure you hunt often… and… don't do anything irrational. _

Carlisle appeared and disappeared from the doorway too quickly for me to respond or even explore the definition behind his idea of possible 'irrational' actions. I nodded my response at the empty doorway and raised my gaze back up to Bella.

Despite the fact that my heart and soul was back within my reach, there were still a lot of things I was uneasy about.

What had happened to Charlie, and Renee? The nurse said that Bella had no surviving family. Why was she in Denali in the first place, and why on earth would anyone want to attack her. She certainly wasn't stupid enough to provoke a dangerous animal… and she had been found on a roadside, how did that play in to the tenor of her injuries?

There was only one thing I knew for sure.

I never should have left her.

This was my fault.

* * *

Plz Forgive.. I don't know anything about medicine, so if I said anything that's completely ridiculous, feel free to tell me what I need to change to make it a little more authentic.


	3. Chapter 3

_I shifted slightly on the tree branch, readjusting my position to procure a better view of Isabella Swan. I had been watching her through the night habitually over the past two weeks and still hadn't decided what course of action to take. On one hand, it would be all too easy to just leap through her window and end her life in one quick movement. There would be no blood, no evidence linking me to it, a mysterious murder in the night with no leads. My family could continue their inconspicuous lives here without falling under suspicions. I would have to leave, of course. I couldn't possibly stay here, continuing to go to that school knowing that it was short one student because of me. I would have to leave, but it was an option that didn't involve prematurely uprooting my family, therefore qualifying it as one of the better ones. Of course, I could just deny my intense thirst and coexist beside the tormentingly delicious girl without killing her, but was I strong enough to do that? If I attempted to travel that path, and failed… What if I jumped up in a room of teenagers and took her there? The family would have to move. Was that a chance I was willing to take? I had already tried to leave without bringing any closure to the status of myself and Isabella Swan's relationship… or lack thereof. It hadn't worked. I couldn't stay away… so now I had only two choices left. _

_The question remained: Which was the right choice?_

_Night after night I sat there on that same branch, staring at the young girl. As if somehow the answer would just come to me. As absurd as it sounded… I was waiting for some sort of a sign. I was waiting for some hint from a greater power that would point me in the direction of the right choice. _

_The idea was almost laughable. _

_If there was in fact a higher power out there, why on earth would it grant me of all creatures any further insight than I had already been given by powers that did not belong. Why would any being of purity ever lead something as dark and soulless as I to an answer? _

"_Edward."_

_I narrowed my eyes on the unmoving figure in the bed. Had she really just spoken my name? I must have been hallucinating. How desperate I was for an answer! I was actually beginning to conjure up false witnessing to set my ever-reeling mind to rest. _

"_Edward…" _

_There, again. It was unmistakable that time. There was no possible way that I could have imagined the chord her voice struck… how she lingered breathily over each syllable. _

_My eyes focused in on her again as she stirred. My name on her lips once more, though barely more than a whisper, she rolled over, still asleep, so that her face was towards the window. _

_And she was smiling. _

_Whether the action was an undeserving gesture sent from a too-generous God, or just plain luck, will always be a mystery to me. _

_The only thing that was certain was that when Isabella Swan murmured my name in her sleep, she saved her own life. And when she whispered it with a smile, she won my heart in an instant._

--

It was reminiscent of that evening 5 years ago as I sat, again, struggling to decide what to do. Hours had turned into days. Days had turned into weeks. She was in a coma, there was no doubt of it. She wouldn't be speaking my name in her sleep as she had all those years ago. In fact, I had never seen her so unanimated before. It was almost frightening how quiet she was. She didn't move. She didn't speak. Her eyes didn't flutter as dreamt. She was completely motionless.

I watched over her for weeks. At certain points in her physical recovery, I could almost see her wounds healing. Day by day the bandages were removed and her wounds closed up. Luckily, there was minimal scarring. Nothing drastic, and nothing that altered or affected her immaculate beauty. 3 years had passed and she had only grown more beautiful with each passing day.

I knew that my constant position at the foot of her bed was not helping anything. There would be no sign that I could mistake as a gift from the Gods this time. She would not breath my name, and each moment I spent sitting there, waiting for her lips to part and my name to roll of her tongue was only deepening my disappointment.

By no means was I disappointed in her. Of course I couldn't be disappointed in her for the current situation. I was disappointed in myself. It was in my nature to blame myself, but even Carlisle had slipped an accusation into his thoughts on accident from time to time. Where she was, the condition she was in… all of it could have been prevented if I just would have stayed with her.

If I never would have told her that I didn't want her… if I hadn't made her believe for the tiniest of seconds that I didn't need her, this wouldn't be.

Where would we have been now had I not deserted in her in the damp forest of Forks three years ago? Would we both be in college together? Would we be married? Engaged? Would Bella be a vampire?

We certainly would not be here… in this hospital room.

The more I looked at it, the higher I felt the threat to my sanity becoming. The plain white walls that had seen far too many patients. The dull pattern on the 365 floor tiles, the soft glow of the lighting that hung from the 68 ceiling tiles… all of it was so absurdly sanitary and plain. This room was unlike other rooms. No visitors bustled in and out on a daily basis, no soap operas sounded from the practically decrepit television screen. No flowers or cheery "Get Well" balloons decorated the shelving units.

Just four blank walls, an unconscious girl, and a immoral and selfish vampire who did not deserve to be in the presence of such a wonderful woman.

Her blood was her own again… but somehow it wasn't the same as I remembered it. It seemed dead, almost. As if it had been sitting idle for so long that it had gone stale from lack of adrenaline.

Her face was pale and peaceful. No hint of red beneath the surface of her cheeks to torment me… but how I missed the way she would blush…

Without realizing it, I had stood and crossed to the side of the bed. I extended a shaky hand to brush my thumb across her cheekbone. Just one little touch…

Startled by voices outside the door I sprang back into my seat and resumed my attention on staring at her rather than trying to touch her.

"Shh, Emmett… this is a hospital, have some respect."

"Why? Isn't it good if people on this floor wake up? Isn't that the goal?"

I sighed as the familiar voices of two of my siblings traveled through the open door. Moments later, Alice and Emmett entered the room cautiously, peeking around the corner to see me sitting in my usual spot.

"Hi, Edward." Alice smiled slightly. I realized with a start how long it had been since I had seen her. I wasn't home very often these days…

"Alice." I nodded, "What are you doing here?"

She placed her hands on her hips as she retorted, "Oh please. The only reason I left Bella was because you insisted on it. She is still my best friend and I love her dearly. I wish Carlisle would have told us about this sooner. I would have been here… Esme wanted to come, but she had classes. She said she'll come visit her later."

"Really, Edward. You know how much Bella meant to us. How could you expect that we wouldn't come as soon as we heard.." Emmett said as he moved to Bella and gave her hand a light squeeze.

"Oh, Bella…" Alice cooed as she crossed the room in three long strides. "What happened to you?" She murmured as she swooped down and planted a light kiss on Bella's forehead.

I quickly averted my eyes. Little did Alice and Emmett know, they had just performed the actions that I had been dreaming of doing since I first entered this room. They could show that affection to Bella without it being total hypocrisy though. Alice and Emmett hadn't done anything wrong. They weren't at fault, here.

"I shouldn't have forbid you from looking into her future." I said to the ground.

Alice paused for a moment and then crossed back to me, raising my chin with her tiny hand and meeting my stare. "No. You shouldn't have. But even so, Edward. This is not your fault."

"Alice, please. How can you say that? I never should have left her. She was a danger magnet from the start and I should have known that she would get hurt somehow."

"Edward… is this what you've been doing? Sitting in here and beating yourself up over this?" Emmett interjected. "That's messed up, bro. Even for you…"

I rolled my eyes before looking back down at the floor for another second.

"Alice…" I said, my head snapping back up again. "Is she going to wake up?"

Her expression was unreadable for a moment, and when I tried to read her thoughts they came back blank and imageless.

"No. I haven't been attuned to her for so long… its hard for me to see that. I can't tell…"

I nodded my understanding.

"I'm sorry.."

"No, it isn't your fault." I promised her.

Silence consumed us then as we all sat, staring at Bella. Each of us willing her to wake up in our own ways.

"How did Charlie react when he saw you in here… or, have you been avoiding his visits? Why wouldn't they have transferred her back to Forks where it's easier for him to-"

I frowned, apparently Carlisle hadn't told them about Charlie or Renee when he had finally told them about Bella.

"Charlie's dead, Alice." I interrupted her.

A gasp, and then- "No!"

I nodded. "Renee too."

"What happened!?" Emmett frowned, concern fringing his voice.

I shrugged. "We can't know anything for certain until Bella wakes up, but Carlisle did some research and looked into her file and he said that Charlie died in a fire that burned down their house, and Renee got in a car accident.

"Oh no…" Alice whimpered, "Poor Bella."

"Do you see where I could have prevented this now?" I urged, "Things could have been so much better for her if I would have just stayed…"

"Jasper takes a lot of the blame for this too, you know." She stopped me. "He feels terrible about what happened that night at her birthday party. He was so ashamed… and he knows that that's why you made the decision you made. Because it was too dangerous, right?"

That struck a chord. I hadn't discussed my reasons behind leaving with anyone… I hadn't really spoken to any of them at all in the last few years. I was reclusive and practically a hermit.

"He would have been here. He loved Bella too… but.." She gestured to our surroundings with a flick of her head, "This isn't exactly the best place for him… even though he's gotten a lot better. The night he almost hurt Bella changed him. He's been much more determined to abstain from human blood since then…"

I nodded, not knowing exactly why she was telling me this.

"Wait a second…" Emmett started, a rare, thoughtful look crossing his face. "What's going to happen to her when she wakes up?" He made special emphasis on the word 'when', a fact that I appreciated.

"What do you mean?" Alice frowned.

"Well… she has no where to go. No family or anything… hey, Edward, this could be your chance, dude! You could win her back and she could come stay with us!"

"No… Emmett, that's ridiculous! She's moved on. I'm sure she doesn't want anything to do with me anymore."

"Well fine then," Alice snapped, "You can just stay locked up in your room like you always do. Just because you didn't want her doesn't mean that we still don't."

As soon as she said it, regret shot through her mind like a poison arrow.

"Edward, I'm sorry…" She backtracked quickly. "I shouldn't have.." She trailed off as I angled my head towards the ground again to hide the hurt on my face.

"We'll leave." She whispered, squeezing my shoulder once and leading Emmett out of the room quickly.

Several paces down the hallway I heard Emmett hiss - "What the hell was that!?"

"I don't know!" Alice hissed back, "I didn't mean to say it.."

"It's _Edward_ for crying out loud, Alice! You shouldn't have even been thinking that!"

"I know! I was just so…"

Their voices died down as they moved farther away, the sound of their thoughts quickly following.

Alice was right. It had been wrong of me to force them to leave her behind. I wasn't the only one that had cared about her and I shouldn't have forced that decision upon everyone. Maybe if I hadn't done so then Bella wouldn't be in this situation right now.

Maybe if I hadn't been such an idiot… Bella wouldn't be stuck in a coma that she would likely never come out of.

I had listened to the thoughts of every nurse and every doctor in here… including Carlisle's. I knew the odds of her waking up from this kind of a coma were rare.

I quickly leaned my head back against the wall and closed my eyes as I heard the footsteps of Charlotte, the afternoon nurse coming in to check the many different machines just as she did at this time every other day. Carlisle made sure to express the importance of maintaining our human façade while we were in the hospital. It was weird enough to the residents of this hospital that Carlisle was either nearly inhuman, or unhealthily obsessed with his job. He rarely slept and they scarcely saw him with food. I played along by pretending to accept the hospital meals nurses would generously supply me with from time to time, though really just flushing the food down the toilet when they left. I also made sure that I pretended to sleep when nurses would check in on occasion… especially the obnoxious night hours nurse called Erin. It was hard to pretend to be sleeping as she gawked over me and openly stared at my body and pictured me naked, but it beat the alternative of having to participate in a conversation with her. I fake-slept 90 of the time when Erin visited, but only on occasion when the nurse was Charlotte.

Charlotte was a nice lady. Her thoughts were full of concern for several different patients, and the only time she thought about me other than in acknowledgement was when she concerned herself over how broken hearted I would be if Bella never came out of this coma.

The thing that I liked the most about Charlotte was that she still had hope for Bella. Somehow, knowing that there was one other person who still had hope was a comfort. All I had now was hope.

Hope that Bella would wake up, and hope that - if she did - she wouldn't hate me as much as I deserved for her to.

Hope was all I had right now, and I was grateful to share it with somebody.


	4. Chapter 4

Note: I changed the Cullen's current area of residence to Anchorage because someone brought to my attention that Yukon is not in Alaska…

Woops. My bad. I hate geography…

* * *

Life ceased to hold the same splendor without Isabella. The years of my life when I had her seemed the only time that I actually lived. With Bella by my side, the world seemed right. Her beauty brought out the best in life. When I had her, I noticed things like the birds in the trees and the way the dew smelled on the grass at sunrise. I noticed the texture of the wind and I took time to appreciate the sound of the ripples expanding across the waters surface.

When I lost her, it was as if the world turned grey. I didn't notice the birds or the flowers. I didn't hear or witness the subtle joys of the world around me because none of it mattered. It all seemed so dull without Bella to compliment its beauty.

Not even the blood from the mountain lion I had just killed tasted the same. I couldn't appreciate it while Bella was settled in the back of my mind. How could anything hold any kind of enjoyment for me when I knew that Bella was miles away in a hospital bed. How could I take pleasure in any activity when the thought that Bella might never wake up was nagging constantly at the fringe of my every thought.

Until recently, I looked forward to hunting. It was an escape from the self-imposed imprisonment to my own bedroom. But now… when the alternative was watching over Bella - monitoring the steady rise and fall of her chest and listening the slow beating of her heart, hunting had become more of an imposition than a pleasure. An obligation set for myself to prevent any more harm from befalling her than had already.

I uprooted a tree to cover the carcass of my third mountain lion before taking off back towards the road. I found my car parked where I left it, in a clearing just south of the interstate. I aimed the Volvo in the direction of the Valley Hospital and pressed my foot on the gas.

I rarely noted my surroundings when I was driving, and I never paid heed to the speed limit. It didn't surprise me when the lights from the cop car flashed in my rear view mirror. I rolled my eyes and pulled over to the side of the road to wait. I wasn't in the mood to get in a car chase at the present moment, and the last time that had happened, the police officer had lost control of his car and ended up being one of Carlisle's patients… Esme had forbid me from such further activities… which was a shame, really. It had been exhilarating - that is, for someone who couldn't produce adrenalin.

I had been pulled over plenty of times in my life. It was no mystery why none of those instances found me with Alice as a passenger. No one ever got pulled over when Alice was in the car. When Alice said slow down, you obeyed. This was one experience that Alice had never had. I, however, was near an expert at interacting with figures of the law. If I donned a police uniform and got my hands on a cop car, I could probably pull a pretty convincing speeding ticket act. I could predict the words that the police officer would say even without the talent of mind reading.

As luck would have it, the officer that approached my car now was a female.

"May I have your license and regist-" I was a step ahead of her, though. I had already had the proper documentation ready to give to her and I handed it out the window before she could complete her directions.

She accepted the papers and license through the window as she cleared her throat and continued. "Do you know why I pulled you over today Mister… Cullen." She asked, peeking at the name on the documents discreetly as she addressed me.

"I'm assuming that I got carried away with my thoughts and lost track of the speedometer. My sincerest apologies officer, I should have been paying more attention." I spoke as sweetly and genuinely as I could and I remembered how Bella mentioned the effect it had on her when I looked up through my eyelashes, though I didn't know if I could do it on cue; I tried.

The officer seemed momentarily stunned and gaped at me slightly before regaining her composure and continuing.

"Do you know how fast you were going just then, Mr. Cullen?"

I shook my head slowly, maintaining eye contact with her the entire time.

"I clocked you at 105 mph in a 55 mph zone. Do you know how much you were speeding?"

I faked a wince and smiled sheepishly at her as I replied, "Fifty miles per hour over the suggested speed?"

"Its not a suggestive speed, Mister Cullen, it's a speed limit. Do you need me to define the word limit for you?"

"No, officer…" I peeked at her badge in an obvious manner and threw as much honest politeness into my tone as I could as I continued- " Officer Johnson. I am aware of the meaning of the word, but I appreciate your thoroughness."

"Stay right here, I'll be back with your registration in one moment."

_Very well spoken for such a young boy… maybe I could let him off with a warning. No one has to know. As long as there are no prior offenses or warrants of course…_

But I knew there were no warrants or records of previous offenses. I had been pulled over 18 times in all of my existence, and not a single time had I driven away with a ticket.

Time dragged by slowly as she ran my license and registration through her computer system. I tapped my fingers impatiently on the steering wheel, anxious to get back to Bella. When she finally returned, she cleared her throat and leaned forward to get closer to my window.

"Well, you seem to have a pretty clean record, so I'm going to be extremely generous and let you off with a warning this time. No more speeding, Mr. Cullen. I don't want to pull you over again, alright?"

_That's not entirely true. I wouldn't mind seeing his face agai… that's terrible. I shouldn't be thinking like that… he's over 20 years younger than me…_

"Yes ma'am. Thank you."

I accepted the documents from her outstretched hands and waited until she was back in her police car and driving away in the opposite direction before I pulled out and sped off in the direction of the hospital, again paying no attention to the speed _limit_.

I parked several blocks away from the hospital. My car stayed parked for days at a time lately, and if I parked it out of the way there was less of a chance it would get towed. I walked at a human pace towards the hospital, kicking a stone along the way and denying the many other occupants of the sidewalk any eye contact.

I noticed that Esme's vehicle was parked in the visitors parking lot. Alice had mentioned that she would be visiting… Sure enough, I entered the room to find Carlisle leaning against the register watching Esme as she held Bella's lifeless hand in hers. She looked up as I approached, trying to wipe the hurt from her features and her mind.

"Edward." She breathed. "How was hunting?"

"Fine." I shrugged. I decided not to mention my run in with the law, it wasn't worth it to worry her if she didn't need to be. "How's Bella?"

Stupid question. How else could Bella be? She was obviously not awake… therefore no change could be noted. As I asked it, however, the atmosphere in the room changed. Carlisle and Esme exchanged glances and Carlisle advanced towards me, his thoughts blocked and fuzzy.

"Carlisle, wha-?" I frowned as he lead me out into the hallway by a firm grip on my shoulder.

"Edward… it's been a month." He pointed out. "Things don't look good."

"What is that supposed to mean?" I snarled at him.

"She's in a coma, Edward… and when it progresses past the month mark… the chance of her coming out of it lessens indefinitely…"

"Carlisle, I know that. Why are you telling me this. I know!" I snapped.

He hesitated for a moment, his eyes filling up with remorse before he continued, "I just want to make sure that you are aware of what we are facing here. And there is only so much I can do at this point to keep her life sustained…"

"She'll come out of it, Carlisle. She will. She's a fighter. She will…" I could hear the madness in my voice as I clung to the hope in my words. "She has to.." I whispered.

He embraced me again, as he had years ago. The setting was different, but the hug was the same. He knew I had to let her go now… even if I wasn't ready.

"No." I shrugged out of his embrace and stepped away. "She will." I repeated, staring at him for a moment more before I turned and walked back in to the room.

Esme gave Bella's hand a final squeeze and then crossed over to stand in front of me. She squeezed my shoulder once and kissed me lightly on the forehead before excusing herself to go have coffee in the cafeteria with Carlisle.

I sat back down in my usual seat, running my fingers through my disheveled hair and clenching my fists. Now Carlisle thought she was going to be in a coma forever? I needed more people to share my hopes with… not just Charlotte the nurse.

I looked back up at Bella and my dead heart seemed to sigh with effort. Out of all of the self remorse I had ever felt, this was near the worst of it. She didn't deserve the odds that were against her. She didn't deserve any of this. It wasn't supposed to happen this way. She was supposed to move on and get married and meet someone who could take care of her without endangering her life.

Without realizing it, I was across the room again. I extended my hand slowly toward her face before cautiously brushing my thumb against the faded flush of her cheeks. As soon as the contact was made, I withdrew my hand in surprise. There might have been a lack of adrenaline running through her veins, but there was certainly not a lack of electricity. Just as the first time we had touched, the contact drew a dull shock of electrical current through her skin to mine. I felt the gasp whoosh out of me as I stared in wonder at my still tingling thumb. A second gasp mirrored the first as I looked down to see Bella's big brown eyes blinking at me in deep confusion.

"Bella!" I whispered… my hand covering my mouth in shock as I blinked furiously to determine whether her animation was a figment of my imagination or a truth of reality.

She frowned, looking around her at her strange surroundings before looking back at me. She did this several times, trying desperately to make sense of what she was seeing before finally reacting vocally…

"What the hell?"

A short raspy laugh slipped out of my mouth at her words. It was so predictable for Bella to be as unpredictable as she still was. Here she was in a hospital with her ex boyfriend who she never expected to see again right in front of her and her first speech was profanity.

She moved, trying to prop herself into a sitting position with one arm, but fell back down as the movement made her lightheaded.

"Here," I offered. "I'll adjust the bed."

I pressed the button and watched impatiently as the bed raised Bella into a sitting position. Her eyes never left mine, even after the bed shuddered to a halt. She stared at me with an unreadable expression on her face. If I were to have seen my own expression at that time, I'm sure it would have been covered in an unmistakably happy grin, which was no doubt adding to her confusion.

Finally, I had to ask.

"What are you thinking?" I said softly, wanting to procure more time alone with her before the nurses found the miracle of her coherency and shooed me away to ask her the questions that I wanted to ask her first.

"I'm dead." She said decisively.

"What?" I choked in a half-laughing, half-surprised tone.

"I'm dead, right? I died. You're not real. You can't be real… And I'm dead. I must have done something right in my life though to deserve this as a-" She stopped and her confused gaze turned into a forced glare as I tried to control my fit of laughter.

"What is so funny about this?" She snapped.

"Bella, sweetheart, you're not dead."

"Oh… sweetheart? Hah! I'm definitely dead. There's no way that you could be here calling me… I mean, if I'm not dead then how come…" She trailed off again as she gestured to me before ending her confusing string of statements with "My head hurts."

I laughed softly again before responding - "Well you just made an unexpected recovery from a coma, Bella. You're entitled to be a little bit famished."

"I can't be tired, though. I'm dead. And…if I go to sleep, will you disappear when I wake up?"

"You aren't dead, Bella. Do you want me to disappear?" I asked quietly.

She considered that for a moment, biting her lip.

"No. I want to ask you some things… if I'm not dead then its going to take some convincing."

"Well, I want to ask you some things too."

"Okay. Me first." Her expression was unreadable again. "Why are you… wait, did you say I was in a coma?"

"Yes, Bella. You've been in a coma for the past month. You were sent to the hospital as one of Carlisle's patients when someone found you on the side of the road. You almost didn't make it… Can you tell me what happened to you?"

She frowned, finally tearing her eyes away from my own and looking down at the cast on her leg that was scheduled to be removed tomorrow. I watched as her features shifted to accommodate a wide variety of emotions. First was confusion, then concentration. Following that was the distinct expression of horror and realization as she clearly remembered what had happened to her, and then a misplaced determination as she met my eyes again and whispered "I don't remember."

"Yes you do, Bella." I refuted.

"Please don't make me…" She whispered, her pleading tone buckling my offensive strategy and rendering me entirely submissive.

"Okay, Bella. You don't have to talk about it right now if you don't want to…"

"Why are you here?" She said after another moment of hesitation.

"I… because I care about you, Bella." I said honestly. A million new emotions flashed across her face before she finally came to rest on an expression of disbelief. I could tell it was going to take some time to reconvince her of my affections.

She opened her mouth to respond, but was interrupted as Carlisle walked back into the room, closely followed by Alice, Emmett, and Esme.

"Bella!" Alice squealed, scurrying to the other side of the bed and wrapping Bella in a gentle hug.

"Alice?" Bella said, confused again. "What are you all…" She trailed off as Emmett embraced her awkwardly followed by Esme.

"I've been trying to see when you would wake up ever since we visited, but I couldn't see it before it happened… just as it was happening. As soon as I saw, though, I grabbed Emmett and we rushed over here. We found Carlisle and Esme just as we were getting in the elevators so I told them too and here we are!"

Carlisle didn't greet Bella right away. Instead, he crossed to the side of the bed in which I had been standing and placed his hand on my shoulder and gave it a squeeze, directing thoughts of apology and regret towards me. I shrugged off his apology and returned his gesture with a clap on the back to signify my thanks in some way.

"Oh, Bella! I can't believe you're awake!" Alice squealed in her sing-song voice, grabbing Bella's hand and squeezing it to depict her excitement a little more.

Bella seemed genuinely appreciative for the family's enthusiasm, but she still was confused and obviously fatigued, a fact that did not go unnoticed by Carlisle.

"Alice, Bella is probably really tired. It would probably be best to save this reunion for a time when she is more up for it." Carlisle suggested.

Alice sighed and threw a look of mild contempt towards him before agreeing and promising Bella she would visit as soon as she could. Emmett and Esme said their goodbyes too, also promising future visits before they exited.

Though Alice claimed they were leaving, a look into her mind proved that she entertained no intentions of leaving this hospital. She was set to make the waiting room her new home until she was permitted back in. Poor Emmett had no idea what he was in for.

Bella said her weak goodbyes to the departing family members before turning back to face Carlisle and myself.

"I know you are probably very tired, Bella, but before you sleep… can you please tell me what happened to you?" Carlisle urged gently.

"I… can't remember." She murmured, throwing me a quick warning glance before turning her gaze on the simple woven patterns upon the hospital blankets.

Carlisle's thoughts were as disbelieving as mine had been, but he submitted and excused himself, warning me out loud that Bella needed her sleep and that he would tell the nurses to refrain from their afternoon scheduling with Bella. I nodded and prepared myself to say goodbye to her.

"Alright… then." I started. "I guess you should get some rest…"

"No, don't go, please.." She said quietly.

"Oh… I can stay if you want me to.."

"Yes. I would like that." She nodded. "At least for a little bit."

I nodded back and sat down at the foot of her bed again, not knowing how to behave around her anymore. Now that she was coherent, I couldn't stare at her for hours without her feeling uncomfortable and I couldn't repeat how much I loved her and how sorry I was multiple times because this was yet uncharted territory. The last interaction Bella had had with me was when I was telling her that I didn't love her and didn't want her. I doubted that now, after so much time had passed, she would accept the truth as anything but a falsity. I needed to regain her trust… and I knew that would take time.

She stared at me with soft, unblinking eyes for a long moment before she finally spoke.

"How have you been?" She started conversationally.

Terrible. Awful. I think about you constantly. I miss you. I need you. "Fine."

She nodded a little and glanced out the window at the darkening sky as she continued. "That's good."

"What about you… how have you been?" I replied, knowing full well the answer whether she would admit it or not.

She couldn't hide the sudden grimace that crossed her face fast enough. I caught it. That second of grief on her face completely negated her assurance to me that she was doing "Alright."

I didn't want to ask her about Charlie and Renee. I wasn't sure if it was a topic that should be brought up. I struggled to come up with another more appropriate topic of conversation when she added a side note as she casually stared out the window.

"I'm engaged."

My heart plummeted straight into my stomach as I blinked furiously at her.

"You're… engaged?" I stammered lamely.

She nodded slowly, meeting my gaze for a split second before turning back to the window.

"Oh." No. Please no… My breathing began to speed and I felt myself slowly disconnecting from the world.

_This is what I wanted_. I reminded myself. _This is what I wanted for her when I left_.

"Where is he?" I realized aloud.

"He's…" she averted her eyes quickly and tried to hide her uncomfortable expression.. "Away on business. Unreachable."

"Ah." I said, "Where do you live? We'll need to know where to take you when you're released."

"Oh… um.. We don't have a house. That's what I was doing in Alaska, anyways. I got accepted to the University of Alaska, and I was looking for a home for us…"

"I see." I nodded glumly, ignoring the low degree of believability that her words emanated and focused on a way to excuse myself. "Well, we'll figure out something for you." I assured her. "But let us worry about that. Right now, you need to get some rest."

"Oh. Okay." She said glumly. "Will you be back tomorrow?"

"Do you want me to come back tomorrow?"

"Please."

"Alright, then." I couldn't understand why she would want to see me again tomorrow after everything. After I left her… and ruined her life. And why would she want to be near me when she was engaged to someone else?

I left her, then. Not looking back towards the door as I hurriedly walked down the hallway and punched the elevator button.

As luck was against me already, it would only be expected that the waiting room would be positioned across from the elevators.

"How is she?" Alice demanded, skipping across the hall to greet me as the elevator doors slid open to admit me. I stepped inside and punched the floor level button and as the doors slid closed I told her exactly how Bella was summed up in one word that left her jaw unhinged and her eyes filled with denial.

"Engaged."


	5. Chapter 5

"Edward, can I come in?" Alice asked cautiously as she knocked on the door.

"Would it matter if I said no?" I muttered as she let herself in.

My back was to her as she stood in the doorway, my fingers flowing over the keys on the piano in a constant pattern as they had been since my return from the hospital. She stood there, unmoving and focusing her thoughts on my music until the melody swelled and then faded into an ending.

Finally accepting that she wasn't leaving until her purpose had been fulfilled, I sighed and turned on the bench to face her. She hesitated for a moment before she was suddenly across the room and pulling me off the bench with surprising force for such a small creature.

"I'm so sorry, Edward." She apologized as she wrapped her arms tightly around my neck. "I'm a terrible sister. I never should have said those things to you…. I'm so sorry."

"Alice…" I grimaced, "It's not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong."

"No.. I did, though. I should never have accused you of not caring about her. That was wrong and terrible… and I know that's not true."

"Alice, it's fine." I promised her.

She finally released me from her grip and took a step back, crossing her arms in front of her chest and rocking back on her heels.

_What are we going to do? Where is she going to stay?_

"She'll stay here, Alice. You already promised her."

"But Edward! Are you sure? I mean…. she's…"

"Engaged, I know." I cut her off, "But she has no place else to go, and I've screwed up her life enough already, I'm not just going to let her wander the streets again. Obviously that hasn't worked out for her in the past. As long as her fiancé isn't here to care for her, we will. I don't care how hard it is for me."

She met my stare for a long moment before finally speaking.

"Edward… that's very… I'm glad, I mean… you're being really.." _admirable_

I shook my head at her final thought, "No, Alice. Nothing about me is admirable. This is my fault to begin wi-"

"Ah!" She warned, placing her finger against my mouth to silence me. "I don't want to hear that. I hear that enough from Jasper."

I resisted rolling my eyes and settled with a sigh as she grabbed and squeezed my hand and placed a quick kiss on my cheek before turning back towards the door.

"Oh," she started again, turning in the doorway, "Carlisle says she's waiting for you."

My arctic heart jumped into my throat as I quickly consulted my wrist watch. Already 10 A.M. Bella was expecting me today, and I had promised I would visit her. I looked back up to find Alice vanished from the doorway.

Grateful for the reminder, I changed my clothing quickly and grabbed my keys off the piano bench where they had been sitting beside me since my return last night. Before I left the room, I grabbed a single book off of my shelf and tucked it securely in the pocket of my jacket. I had almost made it out the front door before I was stopped by Jasper.

"Hey, Edward." He called, hopping up from the couch and sprinting over to the door before I could leave.

"Yeah?" I turned to him impatiently, stopping short when I met his eyes. It shocked me how long it had been since I had interacted with him. I was abruptly confronted with how I must have seemed to the rest of the family over the past year. I was completely reclusive. I didn't talk to any of them, and I never left my room when they were present in the house. Jasper's thoughts told me that he acknowledged the rarity of the occasion too, and he was trying to chose his words carefully, not wanting to ruin the unexpected interaction with his long absent brother.

"I just wanted… I mean, I never got to apologize for what I di- .. Almost did, back in Forks. I just feel like if I wouldn't have-"

"Jasper, there's only so much blame to go around, and seeing as I'm doing a damn good job of shouldering it all, there's no need for you to apologize."

His shoulders slumped and his mind reeled with ways he could possibly make it up to me.

_God I hope things go well with Bella. It would suck to lose him again. I miss his negative view on things. Alice gets so tiring after a while, no matter how much I love her. Why is he looking at me like tha- .. Shoot. I'm totally out of practice on the mind reading restrictions.._

Feeling slightly guilty for avoiding him the past year, I allowed a forced grin as I clapped him on the back and exited with the words "No big deal, Jasper. I'll see you in a little bit, I have an appointment I need to make."

He nodded at me as I left, hoping that my promise to see him later was more than just an excuse to depart. I didn't blame him for doubting my words. I had obviously not been a very reliable part of the family as of late. As I jumped into the Volvo, I made a special note to be a better sibling and son regardless of how things with Bella turned out. There was no reason that the rest of the family needed to suffer with me, or because of me.

In fact, there was no reason that I needed to be suffering. I had wanted this for Bella. I wanted her to move on and find another man who could care for and provide for her better than I could… which, even though quite currently it didn't seem like her chosen companion had performed very well at either, at least he wasn't the one that was putting her in danger. If I hadn't left, she might have been spared this tragedy, but who knew how many other countless and harmful threats she would have been exposed to at my expense.

The morning was overcast, and a depressing grey mist hung low over the surrounding valley as I sped through the deserted roads towards the hospital. I tried not to dwell on the possible reasons that Bella would want to see me again as I had been doing all night. I assumed, of course, that she had questions. I also assumed that one of those questions at least would have to do with the topic of my hasty departure three years ago. Before she had woken up, the scenario had played out in my mind with me telling her that I was lying and that I loved her still and that I was immensely sorry for what she went through all because I didn't stick around, but after she dropped the bomb about her engagement, my plans changed. If she asked, I would tell her that I spoke the truth. I would tell her that my infatuation was misplaced when I realized I couldn't hear her thoughts, and I had been using her for all the wrong reasons. I knew that I would need to make sure that she knew that I still wanted to be friends with her, and that I could coexist with her living in my household without any problems, but I could not profess my undying love for her. No matter how much I wanted to.

It was terribly difficult for me to lie to her the first time, but I wouldn't have to watch the shock on her face this time around. The lie wouldn't be any easier to say, no doubt, but the guilt couldn't possibly be as bad. I had to tell her that I didn't love her again. As much as I didn't want to, I knew it was for the best. She had moved on. Not only would I be the pitiful and weak ex if I were to tell her how I really felt, I would also run the risk of conflicting her feelings. The last thing I wanted was to make life any more difficult for Bella. It would be best to just let her continue to believe that I no longer loved her.

Even thinking about it left a hollow ache in my chest. It was absurdly difficult to convince ones self that it was best to lie to his one and only purpose in life about the affections he held for her. The feat was made even more difficult, yet, when the reason behind the lie was to ensure her happiness with another man.

I didn't know who her fiancé was, but I did know that he didn't deserve her. Not a man on this planet could possibly deserve someone as wonderful as Isabella Marie Swan. No one could fully appreciate the way her hair smelled after she got out of the shower, or how much warmth she emanated when her cheeks were colored with that candy red blush. No one could find as many reasons to love her as I could, but out of everyone in the world - I deserved her the least.

I decided to park in the visitors parking lot today. It would give me an excuse to make a hasty exit, if needed. I wasn't worried about her questions putting me on the spot, but rather the other way around. I needed to know more about her fiancé if I was going to feel any more at ease about this. I needed to know what happened to her, even if she didn't want to tell anyone. I wanted to know what had happened to Charlie and Renee, and I wanted to hear every last detail about her life since I had left. I wasn't going to press her for all of those details today, but the more important ones I would definitely bring up.

"Edward!" Carlisle greeted me as he walked out of the break room with a steaming cup of coffee that he had no intention of actually drinking and fell in stride we me. "Good Morning, son. Did you sleep well?"

His question threw me momentarily, but then I noticed the cavalcade of eyes following us down the hallway and I realized that that was a relatively human question to ask someone in the morning.

"Yes, Dad. I slept fine." I responded, mentally cringing at calling Carlisle "Dad." Even though for all intensive purposes, that's what he was to me… It had always been awkward on several different levels for me to publicly address him as such.

"Good. Good. I'll be in in about 5 minutes." He continued, squeezing my shoulder before stopping at a large chart on the wall. "She's been waiting for you." He added so quietly that no one would have been able to hear him but me.

I faltered a little at his words, but not enough for human eyes to notice. I turned the corner into Isabella's room quickly, happy to be out of the eyes of the many occupants of the hallway. I wasn't used to coming and going at such a busy and public hour, and many of these people had never seen me before.

Carlisle was right. Bella was waiting for me. I circled the curtain cautiously, knocking lightly on the wall before stepping around it.

"Come on in…" Bella's voice sounded tired, strained.

I peeked around the curtain to see her sitting in an upright position, hands folded in her lap. She appeared to have been doing nothing _but_ waiting for me.

"Hi." I greeted lamely, debating on whether to hug her or… shake her hand, or some other friendly gesture. I decided quickly that it would not make the unavoidable conversation that was looming in my future any easier, so I just opted to take a seat in my usual chair and continue with the small talk.

"How do you feel?"

She hesitated, her eyes flitting around the room as if looking for the right answer.

"I'm… alright, I guess. Carlisle and that other doctor said that they need to keep me here for about a week before they release me. I guess I'm really lucky. My attitude and personality seems about the same… I guess some people change completely when they come out of a coma. Also, I seem to be able to remember… most everything, so that's good."

I nodded. "Yes. You made a very fortunate recovery."

"Yeah. But the problem is, I can't get in contact with my fiance and I … failed to find a house. So now I'm basically scre-"

"No… you can come stay with us. It's already been discussed and decided. Until your future husband.." I internally cringed as I spoke those words, "..can contact you, there is a spare room set up for you at our house."

"No, Edward, I couldn't possibly! Carlisle… and you… you've already done so much for me, I couldn't be that big of an imposition. I'll get a hotel room or something…"

"No. Bella, really. We insist that you come and stay with us. Besides, sometime side effects of the coma don't manifest themselves until weeks later. It would be better if there were people to look after you. You just suffered a traumatic experience, do you think we would honestly let you go off on your own after that?"

She stared back at me in exasperation for a moment before finally responding. "That's going to be terrible for you, though. You came here to get away from me… and now it'll just seem like I'm haunting you or something."

I shook my head, feeling the sadness seeping into my eyes as I returned her apologetic gaze. "Bella, that's not true."

"What isn't true? Of course it is. You said that you left because you didn't want me anymore. You left because you didn't love me and now here I am invading your life again. I couldn't do that to you. I don't want to cause you any-"

"Bella stop." I backtracked slightly, calming my voice. I didn't want to frighten her. "I left because you weren't good for me… because we weren't good for each other. I left because you were better off without me." Though I certainly hadn't been better off without her.

She stared at me blankly, assessing the lie in her mind. It had been the same thing I had told her before, and I could see that her memory of that night hadn't been at all altered through time or coma.

"Well, you were wrong." She finally muttered, breaking eye contact and biting her lip as she stared out the window. I raised my eye brows at her, though I had expected this change in conversation to come eventually. "Pardon me?" I pressed.

She snapped her eyes back to me for a split second before launching into the explanation that must have been sitting on the fringe of her thoughts since yesterday.

"Well look at me! I was obviously not better off without you. I don't blame you of course. I wouldn't expect you to stay with someone you didn't love just to make sure they stayed alive, but if you're going to keep using those same excuses to justify you leaving so suddenly, you're going to have to omit that one. That part of your plan obviously didn't work out so well."

Hearing her accuse me of not loving her out loud tore my heart in two. I fought desperately against the urge to tell her the truth. To pull off this façade and tell her how I really felt. To tell her that I loved her, and I never stopped. To tell her that the only reason I left was because I loved her and that nothing in this world could ever make me stop. I resisted shattering my lies with the blunt force of the truth, and instead went with - "You're right."

She seemed content with that response, and settled back into her pillows again, obviously pleased that I had let her win so easily.

"Can I ask you something?" I spoke slowly, deliberately.

"Yes. But I can't promise an answer." She retorted, a little too confident from her recent success.

"You don't have to answer if you don't want to." I assured her. "I… I heard about Charlie, and Renee…"

"And you want to know what happened to them?" She finished.

"Well.. I know the official stories, but I know enough about the law to know that there was probably a lot more to the stories than what was recorded."

She hesitated again before sighing and averting her eyes. "Yeah, there's more to the stories. There's a whole other part of the story that only myself and … my fiancé know about. There are things that the police couldn't be aware of during the investigation… but I don't think I can tell you."

"Why?"

"For the same reason I can't tell you what happened to me…"

"What reason is that?" I urged.

She gulped, and continued staring down at her hands.

"You don't trust me?" I asked in the least accusing tone I could.

"Am I expected to?" She replied simply, still not looking up at me.

That one hurt. She had a point, though. She couldn't be expected to trust me after everything I had put her through. I wouldn't have trusted me either.

She looked so hurt, so alone in that moment. I wanted so badly to take her into my arms and hold her. I wanted to feel her pulse beneath my finger tips and bury myself in the scent of her hair and the warmth of her skin. She was a mess, and I felt like it was my duty, somehow, to fix what I had caused… or failed to prevent, rather. Her hair was unkempt and her skin was more pale than usual. Her eyes were bloodshot and she was dressed in a thin hospital gown, still… she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. The most precious of all gifts to the world, and I was the reason for the sadness in her eyes.

I was ashamed. Self loathing shot through me like a poison. I could feel it pulsing through me like the very venom which defined my life, and it disgusted me.

"No. I don't expect you to. I don't deserve for you to trust me. I've done terrible things that you didn't deserve."

She rolled her eyes. "And its that attitude that is the very reason I can't tell you." She snapped.

That was unexpected. What on earth did that mean? I was about to ask, when a nurse bustled into the room, followed closely by an apologetic looking Carlisle.

_I tried to keep her out, son. She insists that its time for Bella's shower, though. And a change of clothes. I'm afraid you are going to have to leave for now._

"Alright, miss Swan." The nurse started, poking her head around the corner, "It's time for your shower."

Bella flushed slightly and nodded.

I stood, excusing myself quickly with - "I guess I'll see you…"

"Tomorrow." She finished for me.

My mouth gaping slightly, I nodded, shocked that she still wanted me to visit her.

I turned to leave, but stopped short.

"Oh… I almost forgot," I said, turning on my heel and reaching into my pocket. I pulled out my copy of Wuthering Heights and extended it to her. Her eyes widened as she saw it and she looked at me wondrously.

"So you're not so bored." I explained.

She nodded, still staring at me with eyes full of questions. "I…. Thank you." She finally stammered as she accepted the book from my outstretched hand.

I chanced a quick smile at her before leaving. I could see from the minds of the rooms other two occupants that her mouth was still hung open ever so slightly as she watched with an astonished gaze as I exited the room.


	6. Chapter 6

The next week went by relatively quickly.

I returned to the hospital every day as per Bella's request to visit. Sometimes she would just talk to me for a short period of time before some act of the nurse or other priority drove me out, and sometimes she would ask me to stay with her until she slept.

Bella insisted that the only way her fiancé would be contacted was to wait for him to call her cell phone as he promised he would as soon as he had the chance. No matter how often we asked, though, she adamantly refused to offer his name or the reason he had left her for so long. With each passing day that he did not call her, I grew more and more furious at him. True, I didn't know him… and true, I wasn't entirely convinced of his existence yet, but I was still furious. At first, I couldn't stop accusing him of idiocy. I insisted to myself that he must be a complete moron to leave someone as accident prone as Bella to fend for herself with no way to contact him… but then I realized the hypocrisy of that accusation and regretted the thought immediately. I had no right to be this angry at a complete stranger for an act that I myself was guilty of.

"How many is that? I lost track." I jumped at the sound of Jasper's voice. I had been too lost in my own acidic thoughts to notice his return.

"Um, I think that was 4. You told me not to let you stop until you had at least 6... But I wont hold you to tha-"

"No. You will hold me to it." Jasper corrected me quickly. "Two more, I can do this."

_Ugh. No I can't. I am so full. No… no, I have to. I will not tear this family apart because of my thirst. I am going to be so stuffed that even the smell of human blood will repulse me. I'm going to be ready for this._

"Jasper. You never tore the family apart, and if you don't stop blaming yourself I am going to hang you in a tree from your underwear again. Esme isn't here to stop me."

He shot me a surprised, yet mildly warning glance, a brief image of Emmett and myself laughing hysterically as Jasper hung with his arms crossed sarcastically from the tallest branch of an oak tree flashed through his mind.

"You wouldn't dare. Alice's wrath would stop you if nothing else."

Another image of Alice, her face cold and glaring as Emmett explained why Jaspers designer underwear she had just bought him had been ruined.

He had a point. Alice may have been fun to pick on, but there was a line that we had learned not to cross, and that line normally had a designer priced tag to label it clearly.

"You don't have to do this, Jazz." I continued. "You're not going to do anything wrong. We're all going to be there.."

"But it shouldn't have to come to that." He argued. "The last time I saw Bella… I was trying to kill her, Edward. Do you know how awful that was? I love her like she's my own sister… and the last memory she has of me is of you all restraining me to save her life. That's not what I want to happen again."

I met his own agonized stare for a long moment before nodding finally, knowing that even if I found his reasons for overfeeding unreasonable, he found them necessary, and that was all that mattered.

"Fine." I sighed, "Two to go."

I had already hunted my fill for the day. 2 mountain lions and 1 elk was more than enough to appease my thirst… even around Isabella. I would only be so lucky if other thirsts and desires were as easily quenched when it came to her.

The entire family was busy today. Bella was going to be released from the hospital in 3 hours, and not an end in our hands was going to be left untied. Rosalie was grudgingly helping Esme prepare the guest bedroom, Alice was shopping for a new wardrobe for Bella. "After months of paper hospital gowns, she will be willing to wear ANYTHING I buy for her." She had said with a grin.

Emmett was with Carlisle at the hospital with the car waiting to drive her home, and I was hunting with Jasper.

This was the first time I had hunted with someone other than just myself since we left Forks. This past week had been the most contact I had had with anyone since we left Forks, for that matter, and in the one week I had realized how much pain my withdrawal from the family had been causing, and I vowed to make a more conscious effort to prevent that in the future. No matter how much pain I was feeling… the rest of my family didn't deserve to be subjected to it.

I leaned against a nearby tree to wait for Jasper. My head swam with thoughts of Bella and the day that was ahead of me. I checked the time on my cell phone quickly, noting that there was only an hour left before Bella was scheduled to be released, which wasn't helpful information as it made me all the more anxious for Jasper to finish his unnecessary continuation on our hunting trip. For some unexplainable reason, I felt it imperative for me to be present when Bella arrived home.

I tried not to show too much relief when Jasper finally returned, and I tried not to appear too anxious as we traveled back to the vehicle. Jasper's speed was hindered by the overabundance of blood he had just consumed, so it was a relief to finally be back in the jeep where he wouldn't slow me down.

Only a half of an hour until Bella arrived home.

It was odd; calling my home "Bella's home". It felt too right, too suitable. Somehow, I had always felt that my home was where Bella was, and now… for the next how-many-ever weeks, it was.

"In a hurry, Edward?" Jasper chuckled.

"What?" I frowned, feinting innocence.

"124 miles per hour. You're insanely anxious right now, too. Something on your mind?" He pointed out casually.

"No…" I glanced at his disbelieving reaction and surrendered. "Yes. It's not that big of a mystery, though. Don't make me say it."

_She's married, bro. Don't do this to yourself._

"She isn't married." I corrected, "Just engaged."

_Still, she's technically off limits. I want you to have her as much as anyone, but it doesn't look good. I don't want you to get your hopes up over something with that huge a barrier._

"My hopes aren't up." I scowled, "I know I can't act on any of my feelings towards her. I know that. I'm fine, really. This is what I wanted for her, when I left."

_So you're telling me that you aren't a bit upset that she's engaged to mystery man who doesn't even know where she is right now?_

"Well of course I'm upset that he doesn't know anything about her current wherabouts, but she appears happy. That's all that matters. Besides, my hopes aren't up."

_I beg to differ._

I shot him a warning glance to which he responded by raising his hands in surrender and continuing, out loud this time, "I'm sorry, Ed. I just call it like I.. feel it. I guess its only a matter of time until I can hone in on what _she's_ actually feeling. What, an hour until she's released, now?"

"Twenty seven minutes." I corrected a little too quickly.

Jasper chuckled and shook his head at me, "Yeah, I can definitely see how hopeless you are."

"Shut up." I groaned.

"I don't want to be a pest or anything, but I don't want to see you like that again." His speech was accompanied by a quick slideshow-like grouping of images. There weren't many images, but all of them were me… that is, the few times he had seen me over the past few years. Beginning with the day I returned from my mistaken visit to Forks. I looked a mess. My eyes were dead, I moved at the slow and lifeless pace that resembled the absence of life I contained with disturbing accuracy. The rest of the images were more or less images of my closed bedroom door - but they were accompanied by a feeling. An emotion of such strong self loathing and remorse, that even though it had been mine to begin with; I still winced.

"I don't want that for you, bro." He finished.

"I know, Jasper. And I'm sorry. I shouldn't have behaved like that.."

"Out of everyone in the family, Edward… you don't have to explain yourself to me. I know better than all of them what you were going through. It took me a while to learn to block it out, and even though the emotions I was getting from you were second-hand; a lower caliber, it was still a lot to bear. I understand why you withdrew, and I don't want that for you again. Yes, a part of it is due to the fact that I enjoy your company. You're a nice break from Alice, and don't you dare tell her I said that. You know as well as I how overbearing she can be some times. I love her, but I love you too. You are a part of my family and I don't like losing that… but even more so, Edward - I didn't like seeing… feeling you like that. It was harder than you could imagine… especially considering that I am part to blame." His eyes were deep and full of honest concern.

_Don't _

His mental warning cut off my mention of his misplacement of blame and I bit my tongue and returned my attention to the road.

"Thank you." I finally replied after several minutes. Turning and allowing an acknowledging glance at him.

He nodded back at me, clapping me on the shoulder once.

I slowed down quickly as we approached the long drive to our home. Alice was waiting - sitting on the porch tapping her feet impatiently. A scan of the rest of the occupants thoughts in the home told me that Rosalie was playing a video game, but Esme wasn't there.

"Where's Esme?" I frowned, jumping out of the Jeep with Jasper.

"She realized there was no human food and she had to go shopping. She'll be home in… 5 minutes."

"Oh." I nodded, "And… um,"

"Bella will be home in 13 minutes." She grinned.

"Thanks, psychic." It felt weird to smile again.

"Oh please." Jasper scoffed, "It didn't take a damn psychic to figure out that one."

I rolled my eyes and joined him as he sat next to Alice.

"Wait… I thought you couldn't see Bella.." Jasper said suddenly, turning to give Alice an inquisitive glance.

"Oh, I can't. But Emmett is driving and he is almost effortless to see at this point. I have so much practice foiling his pranks before he pulls them off that I can see him no problem."

With that matter settled, the remainder of the 13 minutes went by in relative silence. We exchanged a few comments about the guest room she would be staying in and the almost sunny weather before we finally heard the familiar purr of the Volvo turning onto a nearby street.

"Why the hell is he going so slow?" I groaned impatiently.

"Bella hates driving fast, you remember that. We want her to feel comfortable."

"That's why he's driving the Volvo… so she would be more comfortable." I argued.

"No, Edward. He's driving the Volvo because its more sensible… With all the memories of you and her in that car do you really think she is that comfortable in it right now?" She bit her lip as soon as she said it, following it up with - "Sorry, Edward."

I shrugged it off as best as I could, knowing that not every comment that would be made in this house from this point forward would be the most considerate of my feelings… and well they shouldn't be. The only thing that mattered after Bella got out of that Volvo was making sure that she was safe and well looked after until her… significant other came to claim her.

I swallowed a lump in my throat as I thought about the day that was in our pending future. I tried not to dwell on the prospect of losing her like that. I wasn't ready to think about that yet, and I needed to have a happy face on for Bella.

As the Volvo came into view, maneuvering the curvy driveway at far too safe a pace until it finally came to a steady halt in front of the garage, I knew that Jasper was right. My hopes were up. There was no stopping the undeniable fantasies frolicking through my mind. I wanted Bella. I needed Bella. And as immoral and ruthless as it was, I was willing to fight for her as I had years ago - even though this time... I faced an opponent who was already two steps ahead.


	7. Chapter 7

If Emmett hadn't been there to catch her, she would have fallen flat on her face right there on the perfectly level, smooth surface of our cement sidewalk.

It was absolutely astonishing that she had made it this far without someone with superhuman powers to repeatedly rescue her. I found, though, as I held my breath watching her blush and thank Emmet, accepting his arm for support as they walked toward the house, that I was glad that she hadn't learned to get over her clumsy tendencies. The fact that she constantly required someone to save her was one of my favorite things about her. Not that I would love her any less if she had a better sense of equilibrium, it just made me feel a little more secure with what I was when I was putting it to good use saving Bella.

"Bella!" Alice squealed, leaping lithely down from the porch to gather Bella up in a tight hug. I could almost see Bella's eyes bulge at the impact. For such a small creature, Alice certainly was a lot stronger than one would initially assume. "Oh, Bella. This is going to be so great!" She grinned, "I bought you clothes already, I hope you don't mind. I just didn't want you to be stuck here with only one set of clothes. Esme got you some human food, although… I thought she would be back by now… Anyways, we made up the spare room for you.. And we'll keep it down at night so you can get some sleep. You don't have anything to worry about here. You just relax and leave all the concerns to us. All you need to do is wait for that phone call."

"Thanks Alice." Bella returned the grin, albeit with an added hit of uncertainty.

I heard Jasper suck in a deep breath beside me and step forward towards Bella, hoping desperately that she wouldn't run screaming.

She didn't. She smiled warmly as he approached her, waving off his fervent apologies of their last encounter and assuring him that she understood and it wasn't his fault. Then, as if to prove further her lack of animosity or fear towards Jasper, she closed the gap between them and hugged him. Jaspers thoughts were first surprised, and then relieved as he hugged her back. He reveled at how controlled his thirst was and at how completely calm Bella's emotions were as she embraced the blood thirsty vampire who had tried to kill her during their last interaction.

My turn to greet her was cut short by Esme pulling in the driveway.

"I got caught by a train" she explained to Alice as she jumped out of the car and crossed to Bella. She embraced Bella as she had embraced me when I returned home after a year of aimless wandering. A new kind of remorse suddenly pooled in the pit of my stomach as I watched Esme greet Bella like a long lost daughter. This family had loved her more than I ever acknowledged, and I had forced them to leave her behind without even allowing so much as a goodbye.

"Thank you for letting me stay here." Bella said weakly, returning the hug.

"Of course, Bella. We're all glad to have you. We've _all_ missed you." She assured her, paying special attention to her pronunciation of the word all, though all of the Cullens heard Rosalie's scoff from the second story of the house. I almost made a mental note to talk to her before I realized that Esme and Emmett already had things in mind to discuss with her.

Emmett and Jasper went around to the back of Esme's car and began unloading groceries as Esme took her leave into the house with Alice in tow, leaving me essentially alone with Bella.

"Hi." She started, meeting my eyes for a split second before looking down at her shoes as if they interested her suddenly.

"Hi." I responded as impassively as possible. "How are you?"

"Fine." She shrugged in response. "I'm a little concerned about this shopping Alice did for me though."

I chuckled, "That's understandable. I would be a little afraid too. Would you like me to show you to your room?"

She hesitated, shifting the single plastic bag in which she carried her belongings in to her other hand before nodding.

"Would you like me to take that for you?" I offered, extending my hand and taking the plastic bag , which was heavier than it looked, without waiting for a response. After I had her bag and was turning to head to the house she finally nodded, her response delayed by something… perhaps the quickening of her heartbeat as I had approached her..

I felt her foot fumble on the first step leading to the porch before she had even registered that she was losing her balance. I turned in a lighting fast movement that left her momentarily stunned and grabbed her flailing hand, steadying her and helping her up the remaining two stairs onto the porch.

"Thanks." She said quietly, an apple read blush coloring her cheeks, "I haven't done much walking in the past month.."

"Yeah." I agreed, knowing full well that her lack of practice wasn't the only thing she could credit her balance deficit to, and suddenly feeling very grateful that the guest bedroom was located on the main floor.

I grudgingly released her hand and continued into the house, her much more cautious footsteps behind me echoing in the floorboards.

We passed through the living room and the kitchen and into a short hallway before the staircase. I swung open the door to the guest room and ushered Bella inside. She slid past me, careful not to touch me as she took back her bag of possessions and laid it on the bed before looking around. The room had been empty until just recently. Esme was thrilled to have the excuse to play interior designer again, and Alice was only too excited to help with the plans. The bedroom now resembled a high class hotel room. The huge 4 post bed was situated in a corner of the room covered in a blue comforter with elegant blue and gold silken curtains hanging from the 4 posts. The room was painted in a very light shade of blue that offset the white carpeting perfectly, and everything smelled like fresh apples. The closet door was open, revealing dozens of garment bags - all with different designer labels on them. She crossed to the closet peering inside and wincing.

"Alice hasn't changed at all, I see." She commented as she unzipped a garment bag to reveal a light blue blouse and a pair of designer khaki pants.

"Of course not." I replied, rolling my eyes for effect.

"And what about you?"

I stalled, not knowing exactly what she was asking.

"I mean," she continued, catching my look of confusion, "Have you changed?"

"Oh." How did I answer this. No, I hadn't really changed. I still loved her more than anything in the world, and that was my only character trait that mattered to me. "No, not really." I shrugged.

She nodded once, an unsettling silence leading into an awkward moment finally broken by Esme entering the room.

"Oh!" She exclaimed, stopping short as she noticed my presence in the room. "I didn't mean to interrupt, I'm sorry."

"No, Esme, you're fine." Bella smiled welcomingly at her. "We were just discussing Alice's shopping addiction…"

"I see." Did I imagine the fleeting look of disappointment that Esme seemed to give me, "Well in that case, I was wondering if you were hungry. Carlisle called to tell me that you barely touched your breakfast at the hospital this morning."

"Oh," another blush, "Yeah… hospital food, you know."

"Well, I can cook you up something if you want me to," Esme supplied.

"No, that's fine. You've already done so much, I couldn't have you cook for me, too. I'll go make myself something." Bella smiled, following Esme out into the kitchen.

As she walked past me, the air stirred and I was momentarily blindsided by her scent. I faltered, taking it in and letting it drown my senses until I was near intoxicated. My sight cleared as she expanded the distance between us, and I lifted my gaze to the ceiling, breathing in one last mouthful of her fading scent and letting my eyes flutter into the back of my head in a hidden display of desire before turning to follow her.

It was no surprise to any of us that she chose eggs. It was close to 3 in the afternoon, but she still chose eggs. The scent of the eggs made the entire household reek, but none of us would ever tell her that. We all cared about her far too much to complain about a minor thing like eggs.

Esme elicited some small talk with Bella as she flipped her eggs on the pan, adding more butter to prevent them from sticking at random intervals.

"So, Bella. How was graduation?" She grinned.

"Oh." Bella looked up from the pan, "I guess it was alright. A typical graduation ceremony. I'm sure you've witnessed plenty." She joked dryly, still emanating a hint of awkwardness.

"Did you get into any good colleges?" Esme continued.

"Um… yeah. I got into a few good ones. I decided on the University of Alaska, though." She supplied indifferently.

"Oh, is that right? What are you going to be studying there?"

"English, I suppose. I don't really know what I'm going to do with it yet, but its always interested me."

_Edward, get out of here. I can't talk girl talk with her when you're in the room_.

Esme hissed her thoughts at me menacingly enough to catch my attention, and I took no further prompting. I excused myself with a story about charging my cell phone and disappeared to my room, which, conveniently was located just above the kitchen. I sat on my bed, motionless. I focused on ignoring every other minute sound of the house and hearing only the conversation beneath me.

I listened through several minutes of Bella describing the University of Alaska's campus in imperfect detail, though Esme had attended classes there on more than three occasions. Bella then explained the reasons behind her visit to Denali just as she had explained them to me, Esme's mind reflecting the same belief I had through the entire story. After a few minutes more of conversation about Bella's education while Bella began eating her eggs, Esme finally changed the topic of discussion.

"So, tell me Bella… what's he like?" Esme's forced grin was audible even through the distance.

"Who?" Bella asked innocently after she had swallowed her bite of egg.

"Your fiancé, of course." Esme continued, feigning excitement in the hopes of some answers.

"Oh, well… he's…" Bella hesitated, obviously not entirely comfortable with answering the question.

"Is he hot?" Esme urged. I cringed a little, it was not normal to hear Esme talk in such a… adolescent style.

"Um.." I saw the flash of knowing in her eyes through the second hand reference of Esme's mind as she hesitated again, "In his own way, I suppose. He's really protective of me, too. He hates secrets, and… I guess you could say he's kind of overenthusiastic about his feelings sometimes." Esme's next question was going to be about the name of this "hot" boy, but Bella beat her to it with a question of her own.

"Does Rosalie still hate me?"

Every noise that the rest of the family had been making that I had been trying to drown out vanished entirely at that. I could hear every one of their minds waiting, listening.

"She doesn't… hate you, dear. She's just set in her ways, that's all. She'll come around." Esme encouraged, tapping Bella's arm lightly.

The conversation seemed to stall after that. Bella cleaned her plate as Esme tried to think of a way to inconspicuously jump back in to the conversation about Bella's betrothed when she excused herself.

"I'm kind of tired. I think I'm going to go take a nap."

"Of course, Isabella. Go get some sleep. It'll be nice, I'm sure, to sleep in something other than a hospital bed."

Bella nodded her agreement before she left Esme's sight, leaving me with only the padding of her bare feet and the click of her door to hold on to.

As soon as she and Esme stopped talking, Emmett and Rosalie began.

"You should really try to make her feel comfortable, you know." Emmett began.

"I think you all have that covered quite well." Rosalie snapped back at him.

"Rose, why do you have such a vendetta against her. She's just a-"

"Girl. That's exactly what she is. A girl. She's not one of us. She shouldn't be here, it's not right."

"Rose, are you implying that she doesn't belong among us because she's a human?" Emmett asked sharply.

"That is exactly what I'm implying." Rosalie growled back.

"That's fucked up, Rose." He groaned. "I was a human. You brought me to this family when I was a human, how is this any different?"

"You were hurt and needed help!"

"SO IS SHE!" He roared. "And if you don't think that the help she required was enough of a reason, why don't you look at your brother. He needed help more than anyone, and I think it's quite clear that she was the only one that could help him!" The harsh tone of his voice sent the house into silence again.

"When she leaves with her soon-to-be husband, what do you think that is going to do to him. I don't like seeing him like that any more than you do, but don't you think it will be ten times worse when _she_ leaves _him_!?"

"Well if that's your concern, Rosalie… maybe you should discuss matters with him instead of taking it out on Bella. She doesn't deserve it."

Silence ensued, then. Save for the rising and falling of Bella's chest and her steady breathing, no one moved.

_Edward, can you come in here, please. I think Rosalie has something she needs to say to you._ Emmett directed his biting thoughts at me before audibly making an exit from the room. I wasn't worried about Rosalie and Emmett being mad at each other. Even if they seemed like they hated each other now, we all know that it was only another opportunity to make up later.

I stood, exiting my room and meeting Emmett in the hallway.

"I think your sister has something she needs to discuss with you." He snarled loudly, making sure every set of vampire ears in the house could hear him before storming off down the stairs. I stood, contemplating running for several moments as I listened to Esme scold Emmett for risking waking Bella up with his intentional volume. Finally, I made my feet move towards Rosalie and Emmett's room. She was standing rigid, with her back to me, staring icily out the window.

"I was told you needed to see me-" I started.

"Oh you know damn well what I had to say to you. Everyone was listening, including you. I've said my peace and now you're excused. Go daydream some more over the girl who's going to break your heart in a few weeks. Get!"

I didn't move.

"Rosalie, I'm not saying that you're wrong. If I lose her again, its going to be hard. But I've seen how I acted in your mind and the mind of everyone else, and I wont do that to you again."

"Suffering in silence or not, Edward… it's still suffering all the same. I just don't understand why you are setting yourself up for this."

"Rose… please try to understand. I love her. I would do anything for her."

"Does she know that?"

"… no… not exactly."

"Maybe you would stand a better chance of coming out of this situation sans broken heart if you told her how you felt."

"She's engaged."

"And I'm part German! That doesn't make a damn bit of difference." She retorted, finally turning to look at me.

"I can't interfere with her life. She moved on. She has a fiancé. I have to let her go… but it will be easier if it is her choice, I think."

"Really?" She frowned, "Call me stupid, but I think it will be harder for you."

She was right. I knew she was right, but a part of me was too stubborn to admit it.

"Just… please don't base your attitude toward Bella off of your concern for me."

She shot me one last glare before turning back to the window. "Fine. Whatever."

"Thank you." I said, relieved. I stood there for a moment longer, contemplating whether or not to hug her before finally admitting to myself that her mood had me slightly intimidated.

I excused myself silently and went back into my own room. I looked around for a moment, trying to decide what to do before finally seating myself at the piano. I deafened the noise with the proper pedal before letting my finger flow freely over the keys. This melody was different from my recent ones.. Each individual note fit seamlessly with the next and they fused together in perfect harmony, cascading and crescendoing into beautifully flowing phrases. I had been playing the piano often lately, but now it was different. Now, each note was kept in perfect time by the natural metronome of a nearby distant heart beat. Now, the music was perfect.


	8. Chapter 8

The next three weeks went by relatively quickly, without many relevant breakthroughs when it came to revealing Bella's recent past. She was always very careful not to say too much, and she was growing skilled at changing the subject of conversations so that the spotlight was off of her.

She seemed to avoid me most of the time, but she was always staring at me when she thought I wasn't looking. As if that wasn't confusing enough, often times her change of subject when things got uncomfortable was to ask a question about me. She asked Alice on several different occasions and Emmett once or twice how I had been after we left Forks. Being the good siblings that I was not worthy of, they turned her games around and changed the topic on her again. I was actually quite shocked how craftily they were able to distract her from her question. They would trail off talking about how much they all loved Forks and how it had been their favorite place to live and then jump in to ask her a question about one of our old classmates to which she would happily answer, glad that the conversation wasn't on her anymore.

Our curiosity soared as attempt after attempt to glean some answers from her failed. It wasn't long before we all questioned her sincerity, no matter how uncomfortable it was for us. None of us blamed her, of course, for not trusting us. In fact, the majority of the family, myself included, blamed me… though none were willing to admit it out loud, their subconscious thoughts betrayed them.

"Good morning Bella!" Alice trilled in her singsong voice from the couch as Bella stumbled out of the guest bedroom. "Any phone calls?" It had been almost a month without hearing anything from - or about, for that matter - this mystery man of hers. At this point, we were all highly contemplating on the truth of his existence. The only thing that didn't fit was a motive. Why would Bella want to lie about something like that?

I noticed a prominent lack of disappointment in Bella's reaction as she shook her head and rubbed her eyes. "No. Nothing yet."

"Want me to make you breakfast?" Alice chimed.

"No." Bella responded, a little too quickly, maybe. It was no secret that out of every vampire in this house, Alice was extensively lacking in the culinary talent. "No, that's fine. Don't trouble yourself." Bella covered, shuffling into the kitchen and rummaging through the cupboards until she was positioned over the stove, the repulsive scent of eggs wafting through the air. In an unconventional way, it made me happy to see Bella so at home here. She knew where things were and she wasn't afraid to help herself when she needed something. It was as if it just belonged that way… as if she just belonged here. Almost like she was the missing piece to our family jig saw puzzle. She wasn't just any piece, either. She was the center piece. She touched every single one of us in her own way, and we were all affected positively by her presence, even Rosalie at times, though she dare not admit it yet. Rosalie still had not given Bella any acknowledgment. She thought about different ways to start up a conversation with her from time to time, but thus far she hadn't acted on any of those impulses.

Once Bella was done cooking her eggs, she sat down on the couch next to Alice, across from me, and browsed through the cartoons looking for something that would interest her. By the time she had finally settled on an old Tom and Jerry cartoon, she had already finished her breakfast and decided that a shower was more in order than cartoons. She excused herself quickly, her scent breaking through the remaining stench of the eggs just long enough to torment me as she rounded the corner into the bathroom.

As soon as the water started running in the bathroom, Rosalie entered.

I opened my mouth to say something, but Alice beat me to it.

"Rose. Stop avoiding her. You're being childish."

"I'm not being childish, I just don't know what to say." Rosalie snapped hastily.

"Hi would be a decent start." I shrugged, drawing her glare of displeasure away from Alice and towards me.

"Hi would be a decent start." She mocked sarcastically, making an acerbic face and rolling her eyes.

"They're right, Rose." Esme's voice added as she descended the staircase.

"What the hell!?" Rosalie groaned, throwing her hands up in the air to display her already obvious exasperation. "If I knew you were all going to gang up on me every time I came around I would just stay away!"

"Finally taking the hint, huh? Took you long enough." Alice teased, twirling a short lock of her hair and staring unenthusiastically at the corner of the room.

"Oh, bitch, please…" Rosalie responded with another roll of her eyes.

Alice chuckled in a high melody of several notes before whipping a throw pillow towards Rosalie. Rose doubled over backwards in an impossibly fast reflex leaving the pillow flying straight towards a valuable flower vase. In an instant, Esme was there. Her hand shot out from no where, stopping the pillow inches before it hit the vase and flinging it directly back at Alice.

Alice's "Hey!" of protest was muffled as the pillow hit her square in the face.

"No throwing in the house." Esme smirked as she pointed a mock-stern finger at Alice.

We all chuckled at her sarcastic display of parental authority for a moment before the light hearted atmosphere collapsed back into the semi-serious conversation we had been having.

"You really should at least say hi." Esme shrugged at Rosalie, hoisting a laundry basket of towels off of the couch and disappearing down the hall and into the pantry.

"Yeah, yeah." Rosalie finally surrendered, settling herself back into cushions of the couch to await Bella's entrance.

Silence consumed us, then, as we waited. Alice absentmindedly hummed tunes from the musical "Rent" while Rosalie considered the colors to paint her fingernails next. Emmett was out in the garage with Jasper making bets on who was going to win the NASCAR race tonight. Esme was musing over unpaired socks, and Carlisle was at the hospital… which may not have been for the best considering that Alice was hell bent on pounding Rose's face in if she said something offensive to Bella.

The door to the bathroom opened, and we all straightened up, waiting for Bella's reentrance into the living room. The guest room door was right across from the main floors bathroom, making it easy for Bella to walk two steps from the bathroom into the bedroom without noticing our presence. It wouldn't have been anything notable except for the noticeable lack of fabric covering her body. She had apparently forgotten to bring clothing into the bathroom with her, so she darted across the hallway now covered by nothing but a thin towel.

As soon as I saw her, shoulders bare, legs exposed, her ephemeral passing sending a wave of the irresistible scent of her strawberry shampoo mixed with her already compelling scent toward me - I was overwhelmed. As much as I tried to make sense of the stirring within me, there was no doubt that seeing her so unconcealed evoked more of the human emotions that I had buried. All these years and I still wanted her… I still needed her in ways that my mind could not comprehend. The feeling was still so fresh to me.

_Hey Ed_, Jasper's inner voice echoed from somewhere out in the garage, _I understand the possible causes for it… but do you think you could control your lust. I really don't like feeling an unexplainable urge to kiss Emmett, if you know what I mean._

_I stifled a snorting laugh, passing it off instead as an innocent cough_ as I pictured Jasper lusting after Emmett against his own will. I hadn't realized how intense the emotion had been. It must have been much more exaggerated than I thought in order for it to effect Jasper to that effect from that distance.

Another moment passed as we listened to the sounds of Bella unzipping garment bags in her closet, searching for something sensible to wear, though I knew that nothing she would find in bags supplied by Alice would be sensible.

"Oh, excellent." Alice smiled suddenly, "I love that color on her."

I didn't have time to look into her mind and find out exactly what she meant before the door to Bella's room clicked open and she entered the living room, stopping short as she caught sight of the three of us, staring at her.

She was wearing a blue knit sweater and a pair of black dress slacks. Her hair was wrapped up in a towel, and her feet were bare. Her eyes widened as she scanned the occupants of the room and found Rosalie sitting in her presence. It was not any form of a mystery why Bella would be so shocked to see Rosalie. Rose had made herself scare during the human waking hours these past several weeks. If I remembered correctly, which… it would be hard to imagine a vampire's memory being flawed, Bella had only seen two glimpses of Rose since she had been here… and even then they were fleeting sightings.

"Hi Bella." Rose started.

_Look at how freaked she looks. This is an unnatural phenomenon - for me to be talking to her, and she knows it as well as I do._

"Hi… Rosalie." Bella replied with a hesitant kindness.

_Okay, I said hi… we never covered what to say after hi. I'm off the hook now, then, right?_

I cleared my throat nonchalantly and Rosalie continued, sparing a split second to throw a piercing glare at me.

"How are you?"

"I'm… um, fine, I guess." Bella allowed, skirting the corner of the chair to sit next to Alice, in the seat farthest from Rose. "How are you?" She seemed to be trying out the words as she said them. Something in her tone sent out the impression that though the words were a completely normal conversation piece, she still felt awkward directing them at this certain individual.

"I'm alright, I guess." Rose replied, bobbing her head aimlessly to accentuate her point.

Bella reached up and unwrapped the towel from her hair, mindlessly shaking her hair out and toweling it through several times.

The action, innocent as it may have been, was nearly my undoing. The scent of strawberries mixed with Bella's already undeniably desirable scent overwhelmed me for the second time. I felt my eyes flutter closed and my breath hitch in my throat as I slowly focused on regaining my control. When I reopened them I found Bella, staring at me, biting her lip as regret flooded her face.

"I'm sorry." She winced.

"No, you're fine." I assured her quickly.

Tension flooded the room then, so thickly that I could nearly taste it. Alice shifted uncomfortably in her seat, and Rosalie set her attention on her cuticles.

After a moment of this I stepped in, knowing that I would likely pay for it by the wrath of Rosalie later, but too desperate to spare this moment of awkward hesitation to care.

"Rose just wanted to apologize for avoiding you." I offered, prompting Rosalie to follow along.

_ASSHOLE! I did not!_

I winced at her silent biting response and settled back to let things unfold.

"Oh." Bella started, turning her head from me to Rosalie as if inviting her to continue.

Rose heaved a sigh before standing and crossing to the empty seat next to Bella. Bella's eyes widened further as Rosalie neared her, and they looked damn near close to popping out of her skull as Rose took both of her hands in her own and started talking.

"I realize that I haven't been very hospitable to you since you've been here… and, well I guess even before, back in Forks. You gotta know, Bella. I'm a very selfish person when I want to be. I didn't like you at first because Edward fell in love with you when he had showed no interest in me when I was introduced to the family. I'm essentially a stubborn being so old habits die hard. The truth is, Edward was the happiest when he was with you, and the improvement is noticeable now, with you in the house… so Its obvious that you are a more positive influence on this family than I initially believed you would be, so… I guess what I am trying to say is, I'm sorry for being a bitch."

Bitch! I couldn't believe she had just ratted me out to Bella. It was nice of her to explain her reasoning to Bella, but couldn't she at least have done so without ruining my chances at pretending that I had no feelings for Bella anymore?! I clung to my calm façade as Bella stammered out her response.

"Oh.. It's, yeah… that's fine. No worries." She finally managed.

"So you forgive me?" Rose smiled.

"Yeah, sure. Of course." Bella nodded.

_Oh ho ho… Bella might forgive her, but the look on Edwards face tells me he never will._

I checked myself after catching a snippet of Alice's internal commentary. I would save my anger for later.

"So… are we friends now?" Bella asked cautiously, her eyebrows pulling down into a contemplative frown.

"Only if you tell me a little about this mystery man of yours. We're all dying to hear about him." Rose joked.

"Oh! Edward, Jasper needs your help." Alice said, faking a vision to get me out of the room.

_Go out on the porch and listen. She wont say anything with you in here and you know it._ She ordered sternly.

"Oh, okay." I agreed, standing and quickly exiting.

I had to hand it to Rosalie. She may be a self-righteous bitch at times, but she knew how to get what she wanted. She knew that Bella wouldn't deny Rosalie any information that would put their new found friendship in jeopardy, and she knew that Bella was still far too intimidated by her to risk trying to change the subject. This had strong potential of working.

"So, what's he like?" Rose continued, her voice slightly muffled by distance, but still clear nonetheless.

"Oh… well, he's really nice. He's very tall, and dark skinned. He has brown hair. He's a mechanic… I don't know. What's there to tell, really?"

"Well what's his name?"

She hesitated a moment, realizing that she couldn't get out of it this time. "His name is Jacob."

"That's a nice name." Alice commended. "How did he propose to you?"

"Well… it's not really romantic or anything. We've just been so close for so long that it just came up in conversation a few months ago and we just decided to go for it. We pretty much act like a married couple already. We fight constantly, but I know he loves me no matter what, so everything's alright."

"Awe, well that's great. I'll be waiting for my invite to the wedding." Rosalie winked.

Bella made a very uncomforting sound that resembled something along the lines of a chuckle… but sounded more like she was choking.

They continued talking about her husband to be, then, but I stopped listening.

Something sounded strangely familiar about the name she had provided, but I couldn't determine what it was. I felt like there was something there that I needed to remember, but my thoughts were so blurred by the level of praise she seemed to have given this man that I couldn't focus clearly on anything.

In that moment I learned for the second time that some things I was just better off not knowing. It was amazingly discomforting how bittersweet her happiness was, and I felt like a completely selfish bastard as I struggled with the part of me that wished she wasn't happy with him.

* * *

*winces* don't hate me too much.  
In my defense though, I gave numerous foreshadowing hints that it was Jacob, so if you didn't figure it out... I tried to warn you.

The next two chapters are full of Bella's explanations and a few OMGWTFBBQ! moments.

please review. I like to know how many people are reading my fictions. It motivates me, seriously. Do it.

ily =]


	9. Chapter 9

Bella avoided me more often on weekdays than any other day. Alice skipped school for a week to stay with Bella, but then Bella insisted that she join the rest of them back at school. She was determined that suspicions wouldn't be raised due to her presence. While the rest of my siblings were at school, Bella usually kept to herself. She would stay shut up in her room reading or take long showers and naps, but it was rare for her to put herself in an environment that found her alone with me, especially when there was no one else in the house.

Today, save for her and myself, the house was completely empty. Carlisle was at work, Esme had a full schedule of classes, and everyone else was at the local High School. I heard the steady beating of Bella's heart keep time with the shuffling of pages for several hours after she woke up. I heard her pour herself a bowl of cereal and watch television for an hour, and I listened as she washed her dishes and took her normal shower, and just as I did every weekday, I fought with the human in me. I resisted the urges that every fiber of my being expelled and confined myself to my room. Any interaction with Bella may lead to me accidentally telling her how I felt about her, even though Rosalie had already hinted at it, and I couldn't risk that. I wouldn't allow the selfish being in me to jeopardize her happiness like that to supplement my own.

After I heard the steady flow of running water, I seated myself at the piano as a distraction. I let my fingers flow mindlessly over the keys, not paying particular attention to the notes I was playing. My thoughts wandered down the stairs and hovered over Bella. I ignored the desires, human and vampire alike, and tried to be happy for her. I was, after all, happy for her. I was glad that she had found contentedness in someone other than me. Someone who she could grow old with and lead a normal, safe, human life. I pushed down my own anguish and misery at accepting the fact that she really had moved on and that I really was alone in this world, and tried to cloud my thoughts by reminding myself that she was happy and had moved on the way I wanted her to. She hadn't let my absence ruin her life. She had moved on. She had moved on.

---

_You… don't… want me?" She spoke each word slowly, confusion plaguing her innocent and beautiful features. _

_"No." _

_That one word would be my downfall. That single lie, the cause of my one life motivation - shattered. That solitary syllable, the end of my world. _

_And it was all my own fault. _

_Nothing could have been farther from the truth, and nothing could have been more painful. I knew that unless I made it convincing, she would never believe me… I knew that when my voice cracked, and I turned to look away and hide my pain… she would see through my façade and know the truth immediately. _

_I was wrong. _

_I had never seen Bella more hurt than in that moment. I turned to walk away, trying to ignore her cries resonating behind me. _

_She had believed me. After all that we had been through, and the countless times I had told her that I loved her and that she was the only thing that was important to me… she believed that I could let it all go just like that. _

_I couldn't. I had sealed my own fate and now I was destined to live a life vacant of the love and adoration that had been my lifeless pulse for the past year and a half. _

_She would move on, I was almost certain of it. Even if she didn't realize it now, soon she would come to see that my absence was best for her. She was better off without me. She would grow up, marry some lucky man. All I could wish for now was that she was happy and that the man she chose was fully aware of how lucky he was to have her._

---

The four words, "You don't want me?" Echoed in my head, threatening to tear me apart. Bella's voice, so broken and hurt, swelled above every other thought and noise. I reveled at how much had changed in such a short time. It was I, now, who considered the words as a matter of truth

I hadn't realized that the notes I was furiously pounding out on the piano had been increasing in volume. I had subconsciously been trying to drown out the sound of Bella's broken voice echoing in my memory, but had only succeeded in blocking out everything else. So much, had I succeeded in fact, that I hadn't even heard Bella's ascent up the stairs.

"E…Edward?" She started hesitantly.

My fingers froze over the ivory keys as her scent impacted me. Cursing myself for my lack of observance, I turned to face her.

"I was wondering if I could have a word with you… maybe…"

"Of course, Bella." I nodded slightly, my dead heart jumping into my throat.

She took a moment more of awkward hesitation before permitting herself entrance into my room. She walked past the bed and instead came to the piano bench. I slid over, allowing space for her to sit beside me. I tried not to notice her hands shaking, or the way her eyes had lingered on me as she approached. I tried to ignore the smell of the blood staining her cheeks and tried to feign indifference to the fact that she was wearing my favorite color. She gulped discreetly, extending a hand and running it along the smooth piano keys as a smile curled the corner of her mouth.

"I forgot how much I liked to hear you play the piano…" She said softly, her smile defining a little more as she seemed to be recalling memories.

Obediently, I returned my hands to the piano and began playing another aimless tune. I watched her eyes as they followed my hands across the keys for several minutes before she finally spoke again.

"That sounds like my lullaby." She commented, "But its different. It's changed."

I hadn't even noticed that I was playing her lullaby.

"Things change." I nodded.

I continued playing the piano, still not focusing on what I was playing, as I watched her consider my words.

"Thanks for talking to Rosalie for me." She said finally.

"It was more Emmett than it was me." I assured her.

"That's not what Rosalie said." Bella shrugged.

Rosalie. It figured. Was it even possible for her to be social at all without throwing me under the bus.

"Well… your welcome." I dismissed. "It was really nothing."

Several minutes passed as she chewed on her bottom lip listening to my music before I started the next leg of our conversation.

"Are you happy, Bella?" I said softly.

She looked up at me, her soft, brown eyes troubled.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, are you happy? With… Jacob?"

"I'm… well, sure.." She stammered, "He loves me… and… he was there for me when Charlie and Renee died, and… I owe a lot to him. He helped me a lot in the past several years."

"I hope you are happy." I whispered, letting my gaze settle back on the piano keys, "You deserve to be happy."

"So do you." She said quietly. "Why didn't you tell me that you weren't happy…"

Damn it, Rosalie. "I never said that I wasn't. I might not have been as happy as I was when I was with you, but that doesn't mean that I was not still happy." I lied.

"Oh." She murmured, casting her gaze downward to hide her disappointment.

"I do miss you." I allowed, hoping that that wouldn't cause too many problems.

"I miss you too." She shrugged. "It was a lot worse right after you left, though…. I've learned to cope a lot better now… and, having Jacob helps, I guess."

"That's good. I'm glad you found someone. That's what I really wanted for you… I wanted you to be able to have someone you could grow old with… and, be with."

"Both of those things could have been altered for us.…"

"No. It was out of the question." I shook my head firmly.

"So much for betting on Alice…" She scoffed quietly, tracing the outline of the crescent shaped scar on her wrist. When she looked up to find me staring back at her, she continued.

"It reminds me of you every time I look at it."

"That must be inconvenient." I whispered.

She chuckled once… "Yeah.. And its kind of hard to hide in the sunlight. It sparkles a little, so it draws attention… and it's a little hard to explain if someone see's it."

Another moment passed before she caught my gaze again. Her eyes were so deep and honest. I swallowed a lump in my throat as she bit her lip, obviously contemplating something.

Before I knew it, she had closed the gap between us, her lips pressing hungrily against mine. I had been caught off guard with that one. I jerked my head backward and both of our eyes widened, considering what had just happened. I took a split second to determine if I was in control enough for this before I realized that it didn't matter how in control I was. I had tasted her again, and now there was nothing that could stop me. I wanted her in ways that I had never wanted anyone before. I leaned forward again, hesitating for only a moment before my lips crashed against hers once more. Taking the returned action as a form of admittance, Bella turned on the bench, swinging one leg over until she was straddling it, never breaking the kiss. She leaned forward, arching her body against mine and tangling her fingers in my hair, locking my face to hers. My shock didn't at all interfere with my reaction to her each and every movement. My hands, trembling with built up anticipation slid up her forearms, causing an involuntary shiver to run through her, before they finally came to rest on her warm, flushed cheeks. Every now and then, our lips would separate slightly and lightly graze each other for a split second before the attraction over powered us and they collided again. This went on for several minutes of pure bliss before she suddenly pushed her hands out against my shoulders, breaking the connection. Her eyes were full of shock and confusion as she stood quickly and pressed her hands against her temples.

"Oh my God… I am so sorry. I shouldn't have… I can't… I'm just.. I'm sorry." She stammered breathlessly before turning to leave.

I sat in awe for a moment, my lifeless heart still alive from the adrenaline our actions elicited.

"Wait!" I called, sprinting to the door and catching her before she descended the stairs.

She stalled, turning slowly to face me, regret lacing every inch of her expression. "I'm sorry." She repeated.

"Bella… what? .. I mean, you can't just kiss me like that and keep pretending that you don't have any feelings for me any more." I pleaded, feeling my eyebrows draw down into a desperate frown.

"I never said that I didn't have feelings for you."

I faltered, realizing the truth in her words. I had only assumed that she had no more feelings for me, and being the moron that I was - I had never looked for confirmation.

"What?" I shook my head, trying desperately to make sense of what had just happened.

"Nothing," She frowned, "It doesn't matter."

"How doesn't it matter!?" I demanded.

"Because emotions like that are only worth pursuing when they're mutual!" She groaned, turning on her heel and disappearing down the stairs before I could react.

I heard the door to her bedroom slam closed before I finally managed to whisper the words that had been stuck in my throat all night to the empty hallway…

"Bella, I love you."


	10. Chapter 10

I lost track of how long I had been standing in the hallway staring after Bella. It was long after she left, in fact, that I even realized that I was still standing there. Her breathing had gradually slowed from erratic and uneven gasps to the slow, measured breaths that she could only achieve in sleep.

So many things about the recent events were unclear, but the one thing that was clear was the fact that I had been wrong about Bella completely moving on. Sure, she might have a fiancé, and sure, she might not love me the way she once had… but she still had feelings for me. I didn't know how potent those feelings were, but their presence was a comfort in itself. She might be engaged, but was her love for this other man enough to overpower her still present feelings for me? Why had she so suddenly aborted her aversion of me? It had been enough that she was even speaking to me without other people around to moderate, but she had kissed me. She had kissed me like she had never kissed me before. The ferocity and hunger in that single passionate kiss, however ephemeral it may have been, was unlike any display of affection she or I had ever allowed with each other. Why now? Was she trying to prove to herself that she belonged with me? Not that I held any objection to that at all, it just seemed so sudden and unexpected. It _was_ sudden and unexpected… and wonderful, all the same.

I continued struggling with my thoughts until I heard the crunch of gravel in the driveway signifying the end of the school day and my siblings return home. I shook my head, clearing the fog that my musings had settled upon me, and disappeared back into my room. I sat on the floor, cross legged, staring straight ahead. I had spent a lot of my time like this when I had been without Bella, and experience had taught me that even if you didn't want to, you were bound to get lost in thought in such a position. I had spent many days and nights as an unmoving statue, staring unblinkingly ahead and thinking about nothing but Bella, and I certainly had a lot to think about now.

I ignored the sounds of my family entering and dispersing throughout the house until Rosalie's thoughts alerted me that she was about to address me in some way. I turned my head toward the mistakenly open door, saving a moment to regret closing it before Rosalie walked by. She slowed for a moment on her way to her own room to discard her backpack, turning her head to look at me.

"You're welcome." She smirked acerbically before disappearing into her room.

"Hah." I scoffed, though she was already gone. I didn't have time to wonder what she had meant by that before her presence in the doorway was replaced by Alice's small figure. She stood, staring at me with wide golden eyes and a huge grin on her face. After she neglected to offer any explanation after a moment, I began searching through her thoughts for my answers.

First, all I saw was a scene played out in extreme exaggeration.

Alice was sitting in the center of a crowded classroom that was in the middle of a lecture when she suddenly gave out a loud squeal of delight. The entire classroom shifted to look at her, but she paid no attention to them. She continued bouncing in her seat and emitting delighted squeaks as if she was watching a football game that nobody else could see.

"Excuse me?" The teacher, a large balding man in a grey vest and red polka dotted bow tie challenged, feigning the authority that teachers were bestowed with in their own classroom, though it was obvious that he wasn't a very intimidating teacher.

Alice ignored him, still making strange and excited noises that obviously were not in reaction to his lecture on the duties of a housewife during the civil war era.

"Ms. Cullen!" He raised his voice a little more, finally catching her attention.

"Oh, what!?" She snapped, immediately recognizing the error she had just made and grimacing at the many faces turned towards her.

"We're all so interested in hearing what was so exciting to you, I'm sure.." The teacher began in an agitating and nasally voice that left no doubt in my mind that Alice hadn't been the only one not listening to his lecture, "But I'm sure the attendants in the office would so love to hear the story also, so why don't you bring it there and keep it out of my classroom."

Alice's face fell momentarily as she stood to exit, no doubt considering the many ways she could murder this ridiculous excuse for a teacher before she quickly exited without speaking. As soon as she was in the hallway, though, her huge smile returned.

I couldn't quite understand what could have been exciting enough to Alice that would erase the predictable mortification at messing her perfect student record, but then I saw the vision that replayed in her head; an obvious justification for her behavior.

Even watching a secondhand replay of myself and Bella's transient enthusiasm towards each other was a magnificent splendor. I paid special attention to the way her body curved against mine as if she was trying to procure as much contact with me as possible, and the way her fingers knotted in my hair, securing the kiss for as long as possible.

The vision ended there, and I refocused my attention on Alice's huge grin before playing with her excitement a little.

"Is that all you saw?"

She shrugged and nodded, her smile still fully intact.

"So you missed the part where she ran out apologizing and telling me that it was a mistake and she shouldn't have done that?"

Her face fell immediately.

"No!" She gasped.

I nodded, almost feeling her spirit drop in synchronization with her smile.

"But, she did hint that she still has feelings for me before she went in her room.."

I expected her face to jump back into the large grin, but instead, she looked at me blankly, struggling with the urge to cross the room and smack me upside the head.

"Oh _really_ Edward." She scolded, placing her hands on her hips as her eyes narrowed into a glare. "Her jumping on you and making out with you wasn't any hint to that at all? Are you really that thick?"

I opened my mouth to retort before realizing that she was right and letting my words vanish as a sigh of submission.

"So are you going to talk to her then?" She urged.

"No."

"Edward, wha-"

"I'm letting her call the shots here, Alice. Whatever she decides, I will accept it regardless of its effect on me. I am not about to try to force her into choosing me over her fiancé. She will decide what she feels is right…"

"Did you tell her you still love her?"

"Yes… er- no." I hadn't. I had whispered it after she had gone. Her human ears couldn't have possibly picked that up. "But, the same rules apply, Alice. I kissed her back. I certainly didn't say no… how else could she perceive that?"

"You know Bella. She never believed she deserved you when we lived in Forks, and she certainly wont believe it now. She has a very low opinion of herself.."

"Alice. I'm letting her call the shots." I repeated. "She will come talk to me if she wants to.."

A momentary distant look crossed Alice's face before she grinned again and skipped off throwing only the phrase - "She will." over her shoulder as she departed.

Well ,Alice certainly seemed to be connecting with Bella again. She was starting to see her future, which was a good sign, albeit annoying that she once again had more insight than me.

I waited for Bella that night, but she never came. Alice hadn't been specific about the when and where attached to Bella's visit, she only said that it would happen.

I hunted that night after Bella fell asleep, not wanting to risk more than what I had already risked with her. I drank my fill and then some; over precautionary steps to ensuring her safety. I took as much time hunting as I could, letting my mind wander over the events of the day and the potential events of the days to come. It didn't take long for me to come to the conclusion that now, when Bella left, _if_ Bella left, it was going to be harder than it had any potential of being before. I had been prepared, in a sense, for her departure before yesterday. The single blissful moment of passion had completely negated any preparations I had made in myself, though. Above all, the kiss had renewed my failing sense of hope. Where before there had been nothing but a dread for the inevitable, there was now a underlying confidence in newfound possibilities.

An incoming text message drew me out of my reverie.

_1 text from: Alice_ The phone read. I flipped open the screen and read quickly

_Come home. Bella can't sleep._

In an instant I flung myself off of my crouching position on the tree stump and bolted for the vehicle, cursing Alice the whole way for not giving me some kind of a warning when she had the vision to begin with. The Volvo spit up a cloud of dirt as I tore out of the forest surrounded clearing and ripped onto the road in a resounding squeal of rubber on asphalt. 120 miles per hour and 6 minutes later I slowed to a halt in the driveway of our home.

_She's awake._ Alice's inner voice warned from inside the house.

"Crap." I muttered under my breath. I didn't want to burst in through the front door just in case she was on her way up to talk to me. There was no real reason why, I just didn't think that it would set the environment for a productive talk very well.

Jamming my keys into my pocket, I took a running leap at the wall around the side of the house, curling my fingers around the windowsill and hoisting myself in through the window which I didn't remember leaving open. Shrugging off the conveniently open window as an action of Alice's I sprang across the room to the door, figuring that it would be more inviting to Bella and leave less time for hesitation or second thoughts if it was already open. I wrenched the door open to find Bella, poised in the hallway with her fist elevated in the air as I had interrupted her mid-knock.

"Oh!" She staggered forward a little, her fist dropping lifelessly to her side and her cheeks flushing with embarrassment; the exact emotion I was trying to avoid causing. Her eyes met mine for a split second before she dropped them hastily, searching for something else to focus on.

"I… I couldn't sleep." She supplied.

"Ah," I nodded, feigning surprise. "Would you like to… come in?"

She hesitated, peering around my shoulder at my bedroom before nodding slightly. I moved out of the way, and she walked carefully into the room, surprisingly shutting the door behind her.

She stood for a moment in the middle of the room, her arms crossed, searching for words and staring at the patterns in the carpeting.

"I'm sorry." She finally offered.

"For what, Bella? You don't need to apologize." I argued.

"No… I do. I should never have…" She hesitated, obviously uncomfortable with the situation she currently found herself in, "I never should have kissed you. I'm engaged, Edward. It was wrong of me."

"Isabella, you don't need to explain yourself to me." I assured her.

"I just… I shouldn't have done that. It was impulsive and stupid and… I'm engaged, for Gods sake!"

"I know, Bella. I know. It's okay."

"Its not okay, though. Jacob doesn't deserve to be treated like that." She argued, self loathing dripping like acid from her words.

I fell silent for a moment, staring at her troubled expression and wishing so much that there was something I could do to make her feel better.

"He's a lucky man." I finally concluded to her.

"How is he lucky!? He leaves his fiancé for a few months, and she ends up making out with her ex boyfriend. How does that make him lucky in any way?!"

"You love him. That's what makes him lucky." I shrugged honestly.

She bit her lip, her discomfort filling the room at an almost tangible rate.

"You do love him, right?" I frowned.

"There.." she shifted, her eyes jumping all over the room as if searching for a way out of answering. "There's more to it than that."

"What more is there other than love. You either love him or you don't Bella, there are no variables." I regretted my tone after I said it. I shouldn't be letting myself get impatient with her. She really hadn't done anything wrong.

My unnecessary tone was her breaking point. "Don't you dare talk to me like that Edward Cullen." She snapped, "You don't know what you are talking about right now."

"Well…" I replied, softening my voice a noticeable amount and trying to resurrect the _dazzling_ effect she had once found so irresistible, "I would if you would tell me."

She glared at me for a moment, still trying to be mad at me. Finally, her features softened and she embarked on what sounded like the beginning of a very long and revealing story.

"He saved my life, Edward."

I took a step backward, the weight of her words hitting me like a ton of bricks.

"What?"

She scowled slightly, realizing the can of worms she had just opened.

"I didn't want to tell you all of this, Edward. I know you are only going to blame yourself, and that's not what I wanted."

"Please, Bella. Just tell me what's going on." I pleaded softly.

She heaved a remorseful sigh before casting her gaze out the window and beginning.

"When you left, Edward… I was a mess. Charlie almost sent me back to Renee, in fact. I felt like I had lost all reason to live until I met Jake. He became my best friend and he made life decent again. I'm sure all of that was something you knew… or something that was at least a little predictable when you left. What I don't think you know, though, is that when you left… there was still a vampire in the area."

I inhaled a shuddering, weak breath as she continued.

"Remember James' mate, Edward?"

"Victoria.." I hissed.

"Yeah. Well… she blames you for killing her mate, so she was set on this whole eye for an eye thing. She went after me to get back at you, and when she found out you had left me… it just made her game all the more fun." She took a deep breath at this point, preparing herself for the next words she would speak. "She killed Renee and Phil first." Her voice quieted substantially in volume as she continued, "She shoved them off the side of a bridge while they were driving home from the airport. It was a two days after my high school graduation. They died on impact as soon as the car hit the water."

"Oh my God, Bella.." I started,

"No.. stop, Edward. Let me continue or else I will never be able to get this out."

I nodded, shoving my shaking hands into my pockets.

"A month later, my house caught on fire in the middle of the night. Jacob saved me, but he didn't get to Charlie in time. The neighbor that called the fire department said that she saw a red headed woman throw an object that was on fire into the house and douse the doors and windows in lighter fluid."

She stopped then, breathing deeply and trying to contain her emotions.

"I moved in with Jacob after that." She whispered, her voice ragged, her eyes bloodshot with the effort of restraining her tears, and her cheeks blotchy.

"Oh, God, Bella… I'm so sorry."

"Shut up, Edward!" She choked out. "Don't apologize. Its not your fault."

"It is my fault, Bella. I never should have left you."

"Edward, you didn't love me anymore. There is no blame in that. It would have been just stupid for you to hang around with someone you didn't love just because she was a danger magnet. I wouldn't have wanted you to waste your life like that." At this point, her sobs were becoming harder and harder for her to contain.

"No, Bella. I lied!" I choked out.

She grew silent suddenly. Her eyes traveled slowly upward to meet mine.

"What do you mean, you lied?" She sniffled.

"I love you, Bella. I have always loved you. Nothing in this world could ever make me stop loving you. I left because… Oh my God. I left to protect you! I thought you would be safer without me, Bella. I never stopped loving you! I never will. I'm so sorry, Bella!"

I was bordering derangement by the time I finally choked out my proclamation of love to her. Her face contorted to host several different emotions before she settled on a mix of anger and disbelief. She stepped toward me then, catching me completely off guard as she curled her shaking hands into fists and began pounding them against my chest. I began to become concerned that she was going to break her hands when she finally started talking.

"Why would you lie to me like that!" She demanded, the ferocity of her voice contradicted by the emission of a few sobs. "All this time I thought you didn't love me… you bastard!" She accused. "You… bastard…" Her words faltered into weak whispers as her body slackened against mine. I wrapped my arms around her and supported her weight as her body was overcome with sobs. She collapsed into my chest, mumbling something about _wasting time _and _never knowing for sure _around her sobs. My breath began to escape me in short huffs as the realization of what she had been through because of me hit me. I slowly slid down to the ground, holding her limp and grief stricken body against my own as I began to emit sobs that matched hers. A lump arose in my throat as I held her in my lap, stroking the hair away from her face and repeating "I'm sorry, Bella, I'm so sorry." like a mad-man.

I held her for hours until her tears ran dry and her emotional gasps quieted and her heart slowed to accommodate the peaceful repetition of sleep. All night long I struggled with myself. Two emotions were battling for my full attention. First, there was the magnanimous amount of love that I hosted for this fragile and broken woman asleep in my arms, and then there was the self-hatred and utter loathing I contained that accompanied the knowledge that this beautiful woman was broken _because_ of me.

I never should have left her. I should have been there to protect her. I should have stayed by her side as she grew old, even if she didn't know I was there.

After all that she had been through on account of me, I didn't deserve to have her back. Jacob had been there for her when I hadn't, and though nothing could ever make any man worthy of Isabella's love, he was certainly more deserving of it than I was… but yet, here I was. Clutching Bella to my chest in a long absent display of affection when her husband-to-be was nowhere to be found.

After all that had happened to her, how could he possibly leave her.

How could _I_ have possibly left her?

How could _anyone_ ever desert someone like Bella?


	11. Chapter 11

I breathed Bella's scent deeply as I watched the sunlight creep across her face. The few tears that had fallen after she had succumbed to sleep were long since dried up, but her face still smelled of the salt that the tears contained. Somewhere in the early hours of the morning, after Bella's sobs had quieted and my own heaving chest calmed I had left Bella for a fraction of a minute to retrieve a pillow and blanket from her room. In retrospect, it would have been easier to just bring her down into her own room, but I didn't want to risk waking her. Instead, I lowered her body to the floor, gently slid a pillow beneath her head and wrapped her in a blanket before lowering myself beside her and wrapping my arm securely around her waist. At the subtle movement, she stirred slightly, turning her body without opening her eyes until she had found my body beside hers and was pressed up against me.

"Edward…" She whispered, a smile touching the corners of her lips as she pressed her shoulder against my chest.

My long dead heart seemed to flutter involuntarily for a few moments before a self repulsive ice halted the melting process as quickly as it had started. As long as I had waited and dreamt of hearing her murmur my name in her sleep again… I had not wanted it like this. I didn't deserved to be touching her, laying next to her, or even inhabiting the same room as her, let alone have my name roll off her lips like that.

I had been the root problem in her life. Her number was up the moment I met her, why on earth had I thought that my absence was going to make things any better for her? Her mother, Phil, Charlie… all dead because of me. Her home had been burned down because of my absence. She was alone by the time she was 19 years old, living with a friend, and by the age of 20, she was engaged, alone, and homeless, being attacked spontaneously and for no apparent reason on the side of the road.

I made the connection shortly after she fell asleep that Victoria must have been the reason for her hospitalization. That alone, though, raised so many more questions. Why hadn't she bit her, what had driven her away before killing her? Was she now going to come after her again? No. She certainly wasn't stupid enough to try to take on my entire family. She had picked her fights very carefully, making sure to hurt Bella, and by association myself, in the worst possible ways before actually resorting to physical harm. Why would her husband-to-be leave her alone when he knew that Victoria was out there, waiting for revenge on her. Had she even told him at all? Had she mentioned anything to this new man about me or about our kind? On second thought, I doubted that she would. No mater what kind of dangers pursued her, it was just like Bella to sacrifice her own safety just to protect my family's secret.

All night long I considered everything she had just said to me. My extreme guilt being deepened more and more with every motion she made to touch me. I didn't deserve her then, and I certainly didn't deserve her now. I couldn't even fathom what reasoning she might have for wanting to be near my right now.

I propped myself up on my elbow, then, as the sunlight illuminated her features. I had been two years without her, and she had matured so much since then. She was still the same Bella that I had fallen in love with, but her experiences had changed her. There was more concern and a deeper sense of stress about her. Her muscles were noticeably tenser and her rare smile seemed more forced than it once had. She had been through so much that she hadn't deserved. Another acidic wave of self hatred rippled through me as I realized that the current situation wasn't helping her very much. The last thing I wanted was to add the turmoil of choosing between two loves on to her ever growing list of stresses.

The beams of light from the window widened, eventually casting light over her entire face. She winced at the intrusion of light and rolled over, burying her face in my chest. As her face came into contact with the cold, marble-like skin beneath my t-shirt, I felt her body tense up. Her eyes slowly fluttered open and traveled up my chest until she met my own eyes. She blinked back her surprise and then frowned in concentration as the previous nights events came flooding back to her.

A moment passed before she finally relaxed. "Good morning." She said softly.

I didn't respond. I couldn't. All I could do was stare back at her. I could almost feel the concern and apologies flooding my gaze.

"Please say something." She whispered, biting her lip.

"I… Good morning." I whispered back warily.

She stared at me for a moment longer, her features growing troubled as her mouth opened and closed several times in hesitation.

"Say it again." She mumbled almost inaudibly.

"Good morning?" I repeated questioningly, tilting my head to one side.

"No, not that." She shook her head slightly, her eyes pleading.

I hesitated, knowing that even though she wanted to hear it.. It may not be the best thing for her.

"I love you, Bella." I finally whispered.

A smile danced invitingly around her lips as her body relaxed against me again.

"I love you too." She responded.

I thrilled as she spoke the words, but a part of me still screamed _no!_

"Bella… you're.."

"I know." She stopped me. "I'm engaged. But that can't stop me from loving you. I've loved you ever since you left and I had to keep to myself about it. You can't imagine how good it feels to be able to say it out loud… and, you can't imagine what its like for me to hear you say it."

I felt my eyes flutter closed as she spoke. This could not be. She could not keep saying these things that made me fall more and more in love with her when I knew that she was not mine to keep.

A sudden shock ran through my body as I felt her warm hand come into contact with my jaw. I opened my eyes and stared into the chocolate pools of her own as she cupped my cheek in her hand, caressing my jaw with her warm thumb. Without thinking, I tipped my head into her hand, reveling in smooth and welcoming texture of her hand.

"Bella…" I warned as she leaned her face closer to mine.

"What?" She whispered, her warm breath cascading down my neck and rendering me completely intoxicated for a moment.

"We can't… we shouldn't." I stammered, but her lips drowned out my weak and half-hearted protest. At first it was just the one kiss. It ended as soon as it began, as if she was testing the water. After the initial action had been elicited, though, it was I who became unhinged. She withdrew her lips from mine ever so slightly, waiting to gauge my response. It only took a split second before I had pressed my lips back to hers with the gentlest of force. My mind had abandoned all thoughts of reason. The fact that she wasn't mine to keep was not an issue any more. Nothing in this world could have presented itself as a problem at this particular moment in time. Her lips moving in perfect synchronization against mine completely invalidated every concern and stress that had been weighing me down all night. For the most precious of moments, the harm I had caused her in my absence didn't matter. The fact that she had a mysteriously missing husband did not matter. The fact that until last night, she had no idea that I still maintained any feelings for her didn't matter. All that mattered was that we were together now… and we loved each other now.

Soon, she had moved from her makeshift bed on my bedroom rug and was sitting back on the heels of her feet, her hands tangled once again in my hair. I took a moment away from focusing on the sheer perfection that was Bella to revel in the fact that I hadn't had to push pools of venom out of my mouth to save the moment. For the first time in my life, I had found something that challenged my bloodlust as my most dominant character trait. For the first time, my unquenchable thirst was second to another, more potent desire.

The blanket slipped from around her shoulders as she pushed herself up into a kneeling position, and since I entertained no notion of breaking this kiss for anything, I moved with her until we were both kneeling on the ground, our lips dancing against each others in ways that had never been permitted before. Several times she pressed her tongue against the my lips, urging for entrance. I contemplated for a moment before deciding that that might not be a step that we should take yet. Instead, I forced her tongue back with my own, permitting her at least a compromised version of what she wanted without actually exposing her to the dangers that were my teeth.

The blissful state of being that we found ourselves in had me so distracted that I hadn't even notice that we had escalated to a standing position. I stepped backwards as Bella arched her body into mine. She stepped with me, her foot getting tangled in the discarded blankets at our feet. My hands were already securely wrapped around her hips, enabling me to easily lift her out of the blankets and on to sturdier standings. When I lifted her from the ground, though, she got a different idea. She hoisted her legs up, taking advantage of me supporting her weight for the moment, and wrapped them around my hips. I groaned internally as the scent of her arousal filled my senses. Momentarily overwhelmed, I took another step backwards, finding the piano bench with the back of my knee. I arched my back, trying to stop myself from breaking the piano bench and instead leaning against the piano itself.

Bella, human as she was, felt the sudden inclination of our upward position and put out her hands behind my back to brace our probable fall. With a resounding thud of sourly mixed notes, her hands met the piano keys. I rebalanced myself in a standing position as soon as I could, but the damage had been done. I was momentarily concerned that the family's attentions would be drawn to our activities before realizing that it was a Tuesday, and they were all otherwise occupied with activities outside of the house.

Still, I took the brief moment of sense to set her back on the ground, a look of disappointment crossing her face for a moment before she decisively took a step towards me, her hands curling around the button of my pants as her lips crashed against mine once more.

I curled my hands around her wrists as she pulled her face away from mine, disappointment once again flooding her features as she prepared to argue with my resistance to her advance. Instead of blatantly denying her what she wanted, though, I asked a question. I wouldn't have been able to go through with anything she had in mind if I didn't know.

"Have you ever…. Before, I mean…" I started, not knowing how to word my question without being offensive and nosy. Was there an inoffensive and un-nosy way to ask someone if they were a virgin?

A blush rushed to color her cheeks as she cast her eyes down.

"Once… we.. Jacob and I, tried. We didn't get too far, though. I was crying too hard."

I frowned in concern, prompting her to continue.

"He thinks it was because it hurt, but really it was just because it wasn't you. It was all so wrong, and… opposite from how I always imagined."

"Bella…" I groaned, "Even after I was gone you kept letting me ruin your life."

"Oh shut up, Edward. You never ruined my life." She breathed, bringing her hands back to the button of my pants and pressing her lips against mine to silence any further complaints. I was debating on giving in to reckless abandon when the ringing of a nearby cell phone stopped us both.

Bella's eyes widened as she recognized the ring tone as her own. She reached down into the back pocket of her pants and brought the ringing phone to eye level as she read the words on the screen.

"I have to take this." She whispered, dismissing herself quickly from the room.

The bliss of the moment had been completely shattered, then. It wasn't Bella's departure that had shut down my spirits, it was the single name that appeared on the LCD display on the front of the phone.

I knew that the name Jacob sounded familiar. I knew that there must have been a reason why his name had been nagging at the back of my self conscious for the last several days.

Seeing the name side by side with the last name that accompanied it explained it all. Realization completely devastated my ephemeral elation as the name _Jacob Black_ clouded my coherent thoughts.

She really was a danger magnet, wasn't she…

if you don't know what NaNoWriMo is, this isn't going to make much sense to you... but I am a participannt this year. Its taking up alot of my time, but I am trying my hardest to make sure that I don't let MV suffer for it.

Review plz.

ily.


	12. Chapter 12

_Jacob Black_

I never should have left her in forks. Not only did her parents get killed off, but she got engaged to a werewolf. Did she have any idea how dangerous werewolves are!

I sat completely still after she left as the truth sank in.

I had known that there was something that sounded unsettlingly familiar about the name Jacob. It just took seeing it side by side with the last name for me to realize who he was. Great grandson of Ephriam Black. He might not have been a phasing werewolf, but it was in his blood. Although… now that I thought about it, how else could he have managed to pull Bella out of a burning building without some supernatural ability on his side. Sure, it was possibly, but highly unlikely. It made so much more sense now why Bella was never directly harmed by Victoria. If Jacob was keeping her in La Push, no vampire in their right mind would travel there alone with the intent of pissing off a group of werewolves, although, who knew how big the pack was. For all I knew there were only one or two of them, but still. True as it was, Bella was probably ten times safer from Victoria as long as she was in La Push, but who was going to protect her from the werewolves and their sadistic tempers?

It made sense, now, why Jacob was missing. Victoria must have harmed Bella, and he ran her off. Bella was safe as long as he was taking care of Victoria. There was nothing else out there that would want to harm Bella, right? No. Wrong. I knew that no matter how safe someone made Bella, she would always find the danger in the least likely of places. Why though, would Jacob just leave her on the side of the road in order to go chase after Victoria. I understood his possible desire to want to prevent Victoria from ever hurting her again, but why would he leave her, bleeding and broken on the side of some road?

None of it made much sense, but conveniently, I didn't have too much time to dwell on it before Bella re entered the room, tears clouding her eyes.

I immediately regretted not listening in on her conversation. It would have provided much more insight than my frustrated musings.

"Sorry." She blushed, gulping down a sob.

"Jacob Black?" I raised my eyebrow menacingly at her.

"Yeah." She shrugged. "Why?"

"A _werewolf_, Bella!?"

"What!?" She stammered, taking a step back. "How did you know about that…"

"That doesn't matter, Bella. Do you have any idea how dangerous werewolves are?"

Her brow creased and her lips set in an angry line as she glared at me for a moment, a tear escaping the corner of her eye.

"Excuse me?" She growled.

"A werewolf, Bella, honestly!?" I groaned, throwing my arms up in the air. "I left you to protect you, not so that you could go find something more dangerous than me to spend your time with!"

"Protect me!?" She scoffed, taking a step towards me and pointing her finger at me. "Were you listening to a thing I said last night!? If it weren't for Jacob, I would be dead right now! I owe him my life!"

"If he's so great, then why did he leave you on the side of the road!?"

She faltered, hurt replacing the anger on her face. "He…. Because…"

"Because he was going to kill Victoria, right?" I pressed.

"Yeah." She whispered, "He had to… protect me."

"But you were hurt, Bella. Why would he leave you when you could have died out there…"

"I don't know, Edward!" She raised her voice to cover an escaped sob, "I was knocked out!"

I paused for a moment, breathing heavily and trying to calm myself down. I shouldn't be yelling at Bella. None of this was her fault. It was all my own.

"I'm sorry, Bella. This is all my fault." I whispered, "I should have known that leaving you wouldn't work. All you did was find worse trouble for yourself."

"No, Edward. _Your_ trouble found me! So I ended up finding the only thing left that could have protected me… so sue me! You act like it's a bad thing when that in reality is the only thing that kept me alive! Would you rather me be dead, right now!? Because that's exactly where I would be if I hadn't found Jacob. I would be dead, just like Charlie, Renee, Callie, and Phil!" She sobbed, tears streaming freely down her face at this point.

"Bella… I" I took a step towards her to comfort her but she stepped back from me.

"No, Edward. You've done a pretty good job of staying out of my life for the last two years, so don't stop now. I don't need you to take care of me. I've survived more shit than you could ever imagine and I did it without you. Go back to your stress-free life."

"No, Bella.. That's not what I want. I never.."

"Save it, Edward. There's nothing left for you to save me from, so find another damsel in distress! I have to pack." And with that, she turned on her heel and left.

"Callie?" I said aloud to myself, suddenly noticing the addition of an unfamiliar name in her sentence.

_I have to pack_

Pack? For what? No… she wasn't leaving… she couldn't be leaving now.. After everything..

"Bella, wait!" I called, sprinting down the stairs in just enough time to see her slam her door. I heard the click of the lock falling in place as knocked gently.

"Bella, why are you packing? Where are you going!"

"To be with my husband." Her voice was muffled, but I understood perfectly.

I took a step back, shock coursing through my body like acid.

"Bella, please… lets talk about this."

No answer.

"I can just take this door off the hinges you kno-"

Before I finished, the door flew open and Bella stood, glaring at me on the other side.

"Now you listen to me, Edward Cullen.." she spat menacingly around her tears, "You have no right to judge me for the decisions that I made while you were gone. It wasn't MY idea to be left alone with a killer vampire after me, so do not try to make me feel bad about the only decision I could make to ensure my safety. Jacob stayed with me when you didn't, and I am not going to leave him now, no matter what he.. Er.. Just leave me alone, Edward! I need to pack."

I didn't move for several minutes after she slammed the door the second time. I stood there in the hallway, my entire body shaking with emotion. I was about to turn away when her phone rang. I froze, listening intently as she answered the phone. "Hi Sam."

Sam? Who was Sam?

"Yeah, I'm alright."

Pause.

"Yeah, I talked to him. I'm at the Cullen's house, though… I think it would be a bad idea if he came to pick me up. Can you come get me?"

A brick felt like it had been dropped in my stomach. I staggered as I listened to her give Sam our address and agree to him picking her up at 4 o clock.

She was really going to leave.

I backed up until I hit the wall before slowly sliding down it, still staring blankly at her bedroom door as she thanked him and then went back to her packing. I listened to her zip and unzip several duffel bags, stiffening sobs to the best of her ability the whole time.

I sat there, unable to move, weighed down with the dread and regret that I rightly deserved until my siblings arrived home from school.

Their return meant that it was 3:30. Bella would be leaving in 30 minutes.

"Edward, what's wrong?" Jasper grimaced as soon as he entered the house.

Alice's smile dropped immediately as she saw me. "I missed something, didn't I…" She frowned.

I ignored them both, letting my head drop into my hands.

"Edward, what is going on.." Alice demanded again, crossing the living room to crouch next to me and place her tiny hand on my back.

"She's leaving." I whispered.

"What? How.. I saw in my vision… well, I mean - You two were getting along quite well when I saw… But then I lost the vision after her phone rang. It was like I hit a brick wall.."

"Jacob called." I confirmed.

Alice gasped, "No! But… after all that, why would she still leave.." She waved her hand in the air as if to gesture to an unseen thought bubble.

"Jacob Black, Alice. His name is Jacob Black."

It only took a moment for the pieces to fall into place for Alice. She gasped again, her hand raising to her mouth quickly.

Rosalie and Emmett walked in, then, as I continued.

"I said some things I shouldn't have said in the heat of the moment, and now she's leaving. She's getting picked up in 30 minutes." I spoke in a little under a whisper, but everyone heard me.

"I knew it." Rosalie snarled.

"Rose, don't blame Bella, it isn't her fault."

"I don't blame Bella!" She spat, "I blame you!"

"Rose, wait!" Emmett called after her as she stomped her way up the stairs.

"Emmett, no." I started, "She's right. It is my fault."

We all fell silent then as we stared at Bella's door.

Nobody wanted her to leave. We all loved her and considered her a part of our family. Me especially.

"Esme and Carlisle will be back in 2 minutes." Alice informed us unenthusiastically. "I'll explain it to them, Edward." She offered.

I nodded my thanks before looking down at my watch. 10 minutes to 4.

I hesitated for a moment before whispering so only Alice could hear me - "I can't watch her leave."

Alice nodded once and squeezed my arm supportively. "I'll call you when its over."

I didn't deserve Alice to be so nice to me, but I was grateful for her understanding anyways.

I stood up then, slowly. I turned towards the door, but stopped short. Hesitantly, I turned back to Bella's room and stepped forward, extending my fist to knock twice before saying my final peace to her.

"Bella, it's Edward. I know you don't want to see me, but the rest of the family is here and they would like to tell you goodbye. I'm going to leave you alone now, Bella, so that you can come out and spend your last few minutes here comfortably, but I want you to know that I love you more than anything. My only motivation in this life is you, and if you ever need anything… I'm there. I know I wasn't there before when you needed me, but I made a mistake, Bella." I faltered then, swallowing the lump in my throat before continuing. My voice was cracked and pained as I finished - "If you need me, all you have to do is ask. I love you Bella. Nothing in the world could ever change that…" I curled and uncurled my fist several times against the door, leaning closer in hopes that she might respond. I heard nothing. She was silent.

I nodded at the rest of the family once, before heading to the back door to excuse myself.

Alice's voice faded in the background as she knocked on Bella's door then, "Bella, sweetheart, its Alice. Please come out so we can say goodbye to you.." The last thing I heard before I started running was the click of a door unlocking.

I ran blindly through the woods. I had no shoes on, but the cold freshly fallen snow didn't affect me at all. I didn't even notice.

It was reminiscent of the afternoon 2 years ago in Forks when I left Bella. I ran blindly, sobs shaking my body as I pushed my way through the bracken leapt over snow piles that blocked my path. It was reminiscent in every way except one. This time, I wasn't leaving Bella… she was leaving me.

I deserved this, I reminded myself. I left her and I shouldn't have, and it was wrong of me to expect her to take me back with open arms. We had a brief reminder of what we used to have, but then I had ruined it with harsh accusations that she hadn't deserved. It was all my fault.

I hadn't realized that I had stopped moving until I felt the cold snow penetrate the knees of my jeans. I looked around with a start to realize that I was kneeling in the middle of a clearing.

The last thing I remember thinking before my mind went entirely blank and numb was the single phrase

_As long as she's happy._


	13. Chapter 13

It was times like this when I wished I was capable of losing consciousness.

I couldn't have even estimated how long I had been kneeling there on the cold, snow covered ground. Time seemed to hold no relevance to me any more. Nothing held any relevance, in fact, without Bella. There could be a universal war taking place, and I wouldn't notice it. Bella was my moon, my stars, and my sun. Without her, the rest of the world seemed dark and pointless. Sure, my eyes would eventually get used to the dark, but I still would have to squint in order to even take notice of anything else, let alone appreciate it. I promised myself that this time it would be different… that this time I would not shut out the rest of my family, but I couldn't justify letting them see me like this. I couldn't think of any reason to allow them to witness me like this. I was certain that they would know regardless, what with Alice's gift and Jasper's gift, but to see me in this state firsthand would be an atrocity on my part. It would only hurt them more.

I would have went home, eventually. It might have taken some time for me to come to terms with the dark world I found myself in again, but I would have managed. I would have went to my room without speaking and taken up the same lifestyle that I had been so used to for the past 2 years. I would have, had it not been for Alice.

Instead of calling me, like she promised, she instead came looking for me. Her insight into the future and her keen senses lead her directly to me, but my unawareness and nonchalance towards my surroundings didn't alert me to her presence until she was crouched beside me, her small hand resting cautiously on my shoulder.

"Is she gone?" I spoke through gritted teeth with a heavy effort to control the wavering of my voice.

She hesitated for a moment, but her thoughts told me all I needed to know long before she finally murmured - "Yes."

"_Call me sometime, Bella." Alice's voice was weak and fragile as she hugged Bella tightly against her. _

_Esme was in the corner, obviously holding back sobs as she watched Bella circle the rest of the family issuing her thanks and farewell. Bella's eyes were puffy and her nose and cheeks were flushed. Alice followed her to the door and watched as a tall Native American boy helped her into a jeep. The scent in the air immediately identified him as a werewolf. A part of the pack that Bella's fiancé belonged to, likely. She didn't look back. She didn't wave goodbye. She didn't speak another word. Her breathing was ragged and uneven as if she was holding back sobs as she entered the vehicle, closing the door quickly behind her. _

_And then she was gone._

_As the jeep pulled out of sight, Alice's attempt at a vision was met with a solid brick wall of uncertainty. Bella's future was once again a mystery._

"Edward, come home." Alice's voice was more pleading than anything else.

"She's gone." I repeated out loud, as if somehow that would answer Alice's request.

"Edward… I…" She started, kneeling next to me on the ground. "I don't know what to do to make this easier for you."

"She's gone." I whispered again, every emotion that I had been battling for the past who knows how long coming to surface. I fought against the pain and anguish that built up inside me. The last thing I wanted was for Alice to see me struggle like this.

"Oh, Edward, you idiot." She accused, her high pitched voice cracking with her own emotions. "Quit trying to be such a tough guy and just let it out already."

It amazed me how well Alice knew me. For a seemingly apathetic creature, she never ceased to surprise me with her attentiveness and support. It was clearly my fault that Bella had left, but instead of blaming me and being mad at me like Rosalie was and like she should have been, she was out here… ruining her designer jeans in the snow covered mud to help and support me.

"She's gone." I said one last time before I felt the barrier I had placed around my emotions crumble under Alice's influence. The final verbal assessment of the situation had been my breaking point. I practically choked on the words as I said them, burying my face in my hands as I did. "Oh my God…" I mumbled in a cracked and broken tone as if God would ever spare a moments thought on a creature like me.

"Oh, Edward," She sighed sympathetically, pulling her legs out from underneath her so that she was sitting cross legged with her arms around me.

She didn't try to tell me that it wasn't my fault. She didn't try to convince me that it would all be okay… her just kept her tiny arms in place and let me fall apart safely in her embrace.

The evening wore on until eventually twilight found us in the same place. She was still sitting cross legged, but now the snow completely soaked through her jeans despite the lack of heat that we emanated. I hadn't remembered moving, but somehow my head was cradled in her lap and she was stroking the frozen strands of my hair with trembling fingers that had nothing to do with the temperature. We had both done our fair share of sobbing, but not a word was spoken between us.

No one came to look for us. Alice had requested that they didn't before she had even left.

"Thank you, Alice." I whispered. My quiet words abruptly shattering the silence.

I heard he exhale sharply and felt her lean her cheek against my head and murmur, "For what, Edward? You're my brother and I love you." Her arms snaked around my shoulders then and gave me a gentle hug-like squeeze.

I sat still for another moment before finally righting myself.

"Its late, we should probably get back home."

"It's up to you. Whenever you're ready."

"Ready to face Rosalie? I will never be ready for that."

She grimaced "Touché."

We both stood at the same time. Alice turned to brush off the back of her pants.

"Sorry about your jeans." I commented, noticing the irreparable mud stain on the back.

"It's fine." She sighed, "Its just clothes."

I fought to keep my jaw from dropping. For Alice to risk ruining any form of designer clothing was amazing enough, but for her to use the phrase "its just clothes" had me completely stunned.

We took off through the woods at a less than normal pace. It was more of a quick walk than anything. Neither of us were in any rush, and running full out in order to arrive at the last place I wanted to be seemed slightly pointless.

I heard the noise inside the house quiet noticeably as we approached. We entered through the back door to find a relatively calm household. Esme was folding laundry in the laundry room. Emmett and Jasper were situated in front of the television set with game controllers in hand. Rosalie wasn't visible, but I had a strong feeling that she was biding her time up in her room. Carlisle had apparently returned to work.

Alice gave my shoulder one last squeeze before darting up the stairs to change her clothing. I hesitated in the hallway, wanting desperately to run to my room and take up my brooding again, but I resisted. I was about to join my brothers on the couch when a scent hit me. I looked at the half open door on my left and contemplated entering it. Bella's scent still lingered in the air so tormenting, and I knew that inside the room it would be almost unbearable.

Maybe it was a deeper instinct that I was unaware of that sent me into the room. Maybe it was a masochistic desire to punish myself. At any rate, I regretted it as soon as I had done it.

I slipped silently into the room, shutting the door with a careful click behind me. Both Jasper and Emmett acknowledged my action in their minds, but much to my appreciation, neither of them dwelled on it or mentioned it out loud.

I stood facing the room for a long moment. It didn't surprise me that the bed was perfectly made and everything was in its place. Bella had done her part to keep the room clean before she left. Save for her scent, it was almost like she had never even stayed in here at all.

_It will be as if I never existed._

How stupid I had been to leave her then. True, I had hidden the gifts and other memorabilia that I had taken from her under the floorboards in hope that she would find them one day. Those were long since gone, now. Burned up in the same fire that took Charlie's life.

Another heavy wave of blame blanketed me as I thought of Charlie.

Would I later regret letting Bella leave today just as I had regretted leaving her? No. I had to let her go. I had made my decision to leave her once, and it would have been hypocritical of me to deny her that right now. She had done what I asked her to. She had moved on and found someone else. Someone who she apparently thought was better. I couldn't ask her to give that up, especially since I was the one who forced her into it in the first place.

I couldn't have done anything differently.

The important thing was that knew that I loved her. And she loved me back.

I crossed to the closet then, letting my hand linger on the handle, knowing that she must have touched it at least 100 times during her stay. I shook my head, internally cursing myself for being so pathetic. I opened the closet to the 50 or so still remaining garment bags. We hadn't expected her to actually leave with any of the clothes Alice had bought for her. It would have taken a small moving truck to get this stuff out of here anyways. I took a couple of steps into the closet, letting my fingers run over the cool plastic of the bags absently as I considered the inconveniences of love.

Without a doubt, loving Bella was the single most amazing and painful experience of my life. If I had known when I first met her how things would have turned out… would I have done it any differently?

No. I would have done it all the exact same, because… although now it felt like all reason for life had abandoned me… the time I did spend with Bella, however ephemeral, proved to me that happiness was not an impossibility. I had experienced one of the greatest joys of humanity. I had given and received love. Regardless of how it ended, the emotions that I felt around Bella made me feel more human than anything had ever made me feel. My constant craving for blood, no matter how heightened it might have been around her, almost paled in comparison to the other desires and emotions I held for her. Loving Bella was the only human emotion that could have ever even come close to comparing with my blood lust, and I wouldn't have traded that for the world.

I left the closet, intending on leaving the room then, but stopped short when I saw the bed. As unnecessary and embarrassing as it was, I found myself battling a terrible urge to bury my face in the pillows and breathe in her scent. I would have felt like a complete stalker and probably a very desperate teen age boy, but I felt the urge all the same. Had I not spotted the metal corner of an unidentifiable object protruding from beneath the bed at that moment, I would have probably acted on my ludicrous desire. As it happened, though, I did see the object, so instead of furthering my own misery by burying myself in Bella's scent, I crossed to the bed and pulled the object out from beneath it.

It was a picture album, that much was obvious. I recognized it immediately as the only thing that had been found with Bella on the side of the road. As far as I had been informed, it was a few yards away from her, but as it had been an identifying factor at that time, it had been brought to the hospital with her. I hesitated for a moment before opening it, contemplating on whether it could be considered invasion of privacy or not.

A painful brick lodged itself into my stomach as I flipped open to the first page. Charlie and Renee's wedding picture was tucked safely between the clear protective pages. I closed my eyes and exhaled slowly realizing that this photo album was going to do me much more harm than drowning myself in her scent would have.

As stupid as I knew it was, I couldn't resist continuing. I flipped through several more pages of Charlie and Renee. Phil made an occasional appearance, and so did a numerous amount of Charlie's friends, until I came across a new page with two small newspaper clippings.

_Tragic Fire Claims Life of Forks Police Chief,_ and _Unexplained Car Accident Results in Drowning_

I decided not to read what the public was told about the accidents. I knew the truth about them, and the guilt of that alone was enough to overrule anything I could read.

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I continued. The next page caught me completely off guard. An ultra sonogram depicting what was unmistakably a nearly fully developed fetus was shaded in green. I stared, gaping at it for several moments before noticing the nondescript indents as if someone had written on the other side of it.

Careful not to tear or damage it, I quickly slipped the picture out of the protective pages and flipped it over.

_Isabella, _

_7 months along, can you believe it? We decided to name her Callie Marie. I can't wait to see you in two weeks at your graduation. I miss you terribly. _

_Love, Always,_

_Mom._

The lump in my throat widened substantially as yet another unknown truth sank in.

Renee had been pregnant.

I slipped the picture back into place, trying desperately to steady my breathing and calm myself. I tossed the album gently onto the bed and began pacing.

Not only was it my fault that Charlie, Renee, and Phil had died and Bella's home had been burnt down, but now I was also burdened with the fact that an unborn child, Bella's half sister, more specifically, had also been killed. Because of my pitiful attempt at protecting Bella… 4 lives of great value to her were lost.

I turned once again to leave the room, stopping short once more when I caught one last glance at the open album. It had flipped to the last page when I had tossed it onto the bed, and now I stood, glaring at the last picture. The self hate and confusion tore through me like a knife as I saw my own Forks yearbook picture occupying the visible page.

Why on earth would my picture accompany the pictures of her parents.

I took another step closer to the book with the intention of slamming it shut on my own face when I saw that there was in fact one page following that one. I flipped to the very last page to find 8 small words written in Bella's penmanship.

_In memory of those I loved and lost._


	14. Chapter 14

After several more moments of staring at the open pages, I left the picture album sitting on the bed in Bella's room. I didn't think it was necessary to share with the rest of the family. Bella hadn't left any number for me to contact her with, so there was really nothing I could do.

I considered asking Alice if she had gotten Bella's number, but I decided in the end, if Bella wanted this... she would contact me. I couldn't bring myself to be desperate enough to call her myself. She left for her own personal reasons, and I was not going to jeopardize her progress if it wasn't what she wanted. She was still calling the shots, here.

I reentered the living room to find, to my surprise and slight chagrin, Rosalie. She glared at me with the ferocity I knew I deserved, responding to Emmett's gently nudge of warning by turning and snarling at him - "You all might want to baby and comfort him, but don't you dare expect me to do the same."

I hesitated for a moment more before taking a few steps forward. I cast my eyes to the ground, shielding myself from the uncomfortable stares. "She's right." I shrugged, stalling slightly as I noticed how dead my voice sounded. "It's my fault."

Emmett's protest was cut off by Rose's icy voice once again.

"What exactly were you thinking, letting her go like that?"

I frowned a little, "Rose... I thought you didn't like her to begin with."

"I didn't like the power she had over you. None of us like seeing you this way, and before I'll admit, I felt bad for you - but this is absurd, Edward. You lost her once and we all saw what happened, why would you just let her leave like that!?"

"It was what she wanted, Rose!" I argued, hearing my voice raise slightly and correcting it before my temper got too out of hand.

"Are you really that stupid, Edward?" Emmett tried again to calm Rose down, but she ignored him and continued, "Out of everyone, you should know by now that you have very little insight into what Bella is really thinking... but even so, it was painfully obvious to all of us that she loves you. Edward, she fucking loves you!"

I recoiled a little as she swore at me. It was a rarity for any of the girls around here to use that word, though Emmett and Jasper used it often.

"She loves him too, though."

"Did she tell you that?"

I faltered, searching my memories for the conversation in which she must have said those words to me. I couldn't find it...

"Rose, that's not... I left her and he was there for her when I wasn't. She owes her life to him. Why would she chose me over him?"

"Yeah, why on earth would she chose an idiotic vampire who cares too much about protecting her feelings when she can have a dangerous dog humping her leg?"

Emmett stifled a laugh at her comment, scolding himself internally because it was inappropriate, which was a rare thing for Emmett to classify anything as.

I was about to open my mouth in response when the phone rang.

We all stopped, our eyes widening. It was unheard of for the phone to ring when Alice was in the house. She always was there seconds before it even had the chance to ring talking into it. It was rare for someone to call our house phone as it was, but for the phone to actually ring was unheard of.

Alice flew down the stairs, her clothes changed and her hair back to looking perfect. Her eyes were wide with confusion.

"Someone answer it." She murmured.

The phone was hanging on the wall next to me, so as little as I wanted to, it made sense that I would be the one to answer it.

"Hello?" I spoke into the reciever.

"Uh.. Hi. Is this the… er, Cullen residence?" An unfamiliar voice questioned with noticeable hesitance.

"Yes." I allowed.

"Oh, okay." Did I imagine the hint of disappointment in his voice? "This is Sam Uley. I was just there earlier today to pick up Bella."

I didn't respond. I knew all too well what this conversation was going to end up being about.

"Right, um... I'm sorry to bother you, but Bella seems to have left behind a valuable possession of hers, and she wants it back."

"Understandable," I allowed.

"It's a picture album." He continued.

"Yes, I am aware." I assured him. "I can bring the album to you, if you would like."

"No..." He answered quickly. "Due to the treaty... I think it would be best if you stayed out of La Push." He explained. "If it isn't too much trouble, I can just come back to pick it up really quickly.."

"I'm sure that will be..." tolerable? "..fine." I assured him.

"Great. I'll, er... I'll be by in about an hour or so." He informed me.

I didn't respond. I didn't give any acknowledgment or warning that our conversation had ended. I just hung up the phone, retrieved the picture album, and situated myself in the seat on the couch that was located the furthest from Rosalie.

My family members, who had all overheard the conversation without a doubt, sat around for a moment until the atmosphere became too uncomfortable. They all went their separate ways then, not speaking to me due to their uncertainty about what to say. Rosalie was an exception to that of course. She knew exactly what she wanted to say to me, but Emmett steered her firmly towards the staircase and she finally submitted, silently vowing that she wasn't done talking to me yet.

Alice was the only one who stayed. She finished descending the stairs and folded herself onto the open seat on the couch next to me. "I can't see werewolves." She concluded out loud.

"No. You apparently can't." I shrugged.

"That explains so much... but it doesn't make me feel any better. How can I keep an eye on Bella if she's hanging out with werewolves?"

"It also explains why you couldn't see her after I left."

"No, I promised you I wouldn-"

"Alice, I know you tried." I waved off her defense quickly.

She bit down on her lip, silently cursing herself. "You know, its much easier to hide my thoughts from you when you are around to let me practice." She pointed out.

I nodded, trying to block out the images racing through her head of the dead look that my eyes held when I didn't have Bella. I was beginning to wonder if she was subjecting me to these images on purpose when I realized that these were no flashbacks. What I was seeing - this lifeless, broken creature in her minds eye - was in actuality my present self.

"I'm sorry, Alice." I shook my head, leaning back against the cushions of the couch. "I'm sorry that I'm putting you all through this."

"Oh, shut up." She groaned, "Regardless of what Rose says, there is no good that can come from you beating yourself up over this. I understand why you reacted the way you did. I would have reacted the same way. Werewolves are dangerous, and we all know that. Obviously she doesn't though. The only thing we can hope for now is that he loves her enough to not hurt her... and if he does hurt her, we can only hope that she is able to contact us before it's too late."

I nodded inanimately, letting the conversation drop. We sat in silence for the next hour, staring ahead. Alice's thoughts were full of concern and worry for Bella, and they were not helping my already present emotions, so I did the best that I could to tune her out.

Time dragged by slowly. When we heard the crunch of gravel under Sam's tires, it had felt like 3 hours had passed instead of just one. It didn't surprise me, though. Time, just like everything else, was slowed and darkened without Bella's presence.

I was suddenly thankful that Alice had neither envisioned me looking at the picture album, or looked at it herself as we had been sitting there, waiting. The existence of Callie was obviously something Bella had not wanted to share with us, and I already felt terrible for several different reasons for looking.

The book felt heavy in my hands as I walked out the front door and towards the jeep. I wrinkled my nose as the rancid scent of dog invaded our yard. Sam let himself out of the still running jeep, his nose wrinkled in a similar manner. He extended his hand toward me, his palm turned up expectantly as he eyed the book.

Alice hung back on the porch as I took several more steps toward him. My sudden curiosity got the better of me, and I abandoned my well known lesson on the importance of not knowing things that would only cause pain.

"How is she?" I asked, making certain that there was no hint of compromise in my voice.

He hesitated before answering, "She's... alright."

His moment of hesitation before he gave me his answer was all I needed to see.

_Our house was growing distant in his rear view mirror as he drove away with Bella in the passenger seat. He looked to the right where Bella sat, her knees pulled up against her chest and tears streaming in a silent line down her face. _

"_Bella, are you sure you're making the right choice?" Sam asked. _

"_No. I'm not sure about anything." She sniffled, rubbing the back of her hand against her cheek. _

"_Then why aren't you staying there until you figure it out. Bella, we all know how you feel about him. Why are you here, with me, going back to Jacob?" _

"_Sam, they all think that I'm this dependant little girl who can't take care of herself, and I know that that's true and everything, but I can't stand not feeling able to defend myself." _

"_That's why you left?" _

"_No… yes… I don't know."_

"_Are you sure that going back to Jacob is the best thing for you. Don't get me wrong, Bella, we will do everything we can to protect you, but you know that accidents happen. Jacob's temper has only worsened while you've been gone. He regrets it, of course, but he's inconsolable. He's been doing a lot of drinking… and… he's just very angry lately. I think a lot of it has to do with Billy's cancer, but it shouldn't get projected on you, and he knows that. There's only so much that we can do for him though, Bella. He is the alpha and we have to obey him."_

"_He didn't mean to hurt me." Bella whispered, her tone sounded as if she was trying to convince herself more than she was trying to convince Sam. "It was an accident." _

"_Are you still going to marry him?" Sam asked, immediately regretting the action. Bella bit down on her lip and her tension emanated from her in thick waves. _

"_Never mind. That's none of my business." Sam started._

"_If I changed my mind… how would he react?" Bella's fear was apparent in her voice. _

_Sam's silence only caused the dread in her eyes to deepen. _

"_Are you sure you're making the right choice, Bella…." Sam asked again, "I can take you back if you want me to." _

"_No. I can't go back now. I'm too embarrassed."_

"What did he do to her?!" I snarled, clenching my free fist into a tight ball.

"Wha… what do you mean?" Sam's eyes widened and he took a step back.

"Was it really Victoria that hurt her?" I prompted, knowing that even if he didn't want to, he would respond.

_A streak of fiery red darted ahead of the pack, weaving in and out of the thick green forest that could only belong to Forks. The rhythmic pounding of several pairs of paws thudded evenly as they pursued her. Jacob was in the lead of the pack, from the connection between his mind and Sam's, the fear and frantic desperation for escape was visible all over Victoria's face. She began speeding up, leaving them behind little by little until it appeared as if she would escape. Suddenly, she skidded to a halt and crouched down as if ready to spring. She turned in small circles, her blood red eyes darting around at the figures in the tree's. The pack advanced slowly now, converting their run to a gentle sprint. Soon, several more wolves appeared on the other side of Victoria. She was surrounded._

"You guys killed Victoria long ago." I realized out loud.

"What are you talking about…" Sam shook his head, his eyes still wide with confusion.

"It wasn't Victoria that hurt Bella, was it?" I demanded.

Nothing in the world could have prepared me for what I saw then.

_Bella flung herself quickly out of a rusted Rabbit, tears streaming down her face. A voice bellowed at her to get back in the car and she walked with unshaken determination down the side of the road. _

"_No." She growled._

"_Bells, please? I'm sorry.. I shouldn't have yelled at you. I just don't understand why you are so determined to find a house in Denali." _

"_Jacob, please just go. I'll catch a bus home, or something. I just need some time away from you." _

_With a roar of swelling anger, Jacob swerved back on to the road and sped off, leaving Bella alone, trudging through the snow. _

_The car drove about a mile down the road before pulling into a vacant lot. A tall, Native boy, immediately recognizable as Jacob quickly exited the vehicle and began running. He entered the woods near the side of the road and ran with inhuman speed in the direction he had come from. Before long, Bella was in sight again. She stumbled several times as she trudged through the snow, tears staining her face. The bottom of her jeans were soaked through with snow. She reached into her purse and extracted a silver photo album. Without a moments further hesitation, she opened it to the last page. Even from a distance it was very clear who's face was on that last page of the album, and it didn't take a genius to figure out why Jacob would be less that thrilled to find his fiancé wandering through Denali staring at a picture of her ex-boyfriend. _

"_Is that why we're here, Bella?!" Jacob's voice penetrated the darkening night as he stepped out from the shade of the woods. _

_Bella's eyes widened and she quickly tucked the photo album back into her purse. _

"_Honestly Bella!? You told me you were over him! Look at what he has caused for you. How can you honestly be wandering around in the snow looking for him?"_

"_I'm… I never…" She stammered._

"_You said you were over him." Jacob demanded, anger quickly becoming the dominant tone to his voice. _

"_I lied!" Bella yelled, "You can't expect me to give up on him like that, Jacob. Just because you're marrying me you think that we will be together indefinitely, but you know as well as I do that you are going to imprint one day! You are going to find someone else and then I will be nothing more than a sister to you. I know that you think that marrying me is going to fix that for you, but it wont! I don't think I can get married to someone who is only going to leave me in the future." _

"_Edward left you! Why, then, are you so quick to scramble back to him!" Jacob roared, his voice trembling with fury. _

"_Because I love him!" Bella choked out. "I love him more than anything in the world. I know I shouldn't after everything that's happened, but I do! Its not right for you to marry me when you will one day love someone else the way I love him! Its not fair to either of us!"_

"_What's not fair is the amount of effort I have put into keeping you alive all these years just to find out that you want to leave me!" Jacob snarled back._

"_If you had known that I was going to leave you, would you have let me die!? Are you really that selfish that the only reason you saved my life was so that you could keep me as your trophy wife? As a sort of pet!? Honestly Jacob, just because you saved my life doesn't mean I'm yours to keep! I'm not some stray you picked up on the side of the street and started feeding so that means I'm automatically yours! Last time I checked, YOU were the dog!"_

_The look on her face made it very obvious that she immediately saw the error in her words, but her frantic attempt at apology was cut off by a sudden ripping noise. Shards of clothing drifted down into the snow and in a split second, Bella was there too, her hand covering her chin and her eyes wide as the monster before her advanced upon her._

"No!" I shouted, resisting the urge to punch Sam in the face. I knew it wasn't his fault, in fact, if it weren't for him - I would never have known the truth.

Sam was familiar with mind reading, I knew. In werewolf form, all currently phased members of the pack's minds were linked indefinitely. They all knew what each other was thinking and doing over vast distances. Something that Sam obviously did NOT know, was that I had the same power without the limitations and qualifications that he did.

Sam's eyes widened further as he realized what must have been happening.

"You're the mind reader." He whispered under his breath. Something about the way he said it made me think that he had known that one of the Cullen's could read minds, he just hadn't known it was me.

"He attacked her… and then he left her on the side of the road to die!?" I bellowed, all the anger and emotion I had ever felt boiling down in a fiery emphasis on the word 'die'.

"No.. he regretted it immediately, of course." Sam tried to explain, "She was alive though. He couldn't be caught, for obvious reasons. I mean… he is a werewolf. He ran, yes, but he went and found some lady who was walking her dog and told her that he didn't have a cell phone and that there was a girl that needed help. So… he really did help her.." Sam reasoned.

"No… he almost killed her is what he did. It doesn't matter that he got her help when he was the reason she needed it in the first place!" I snarled.

"Listen, Edward. I'm not saying that he should have done what he did, but as a werewolf myself I understand the feeling of losing control like that. He feels really bad."

"He's going to feel worse when I get my hands on him." I threatened. It was no idle threat, either. I had every intention in that moment to rip Jacob's head off.

"I wouldn't recommend that." Sam warned, "He's the alpha. The pack greatly outnumbers your family at this point, and we are all naturally inclined to stand behind him. Edward, between you and me, I don't blame you for reacting like this. Granted, I thought you had already known, but I don't blame you…"

"If I had known do you honestly think I would have let her leave with you yesterday!?" I interrupted.

"No… you have a point, there. I love Bella like she was my own sister, Edward… and I know that Jacob is not the one for her. Our kind… we can't just pick up in normal relationships like others. We have to wait until we imprint or risk ruining the lives of our current girlfriends. We tried to tell him not to involve himself too much. We tried to convince him that he can't make himself imprint on Bella, but he was convinced that he had to have her and only her. He is very possessive when it comes to Bella, and he will not let her go easily."

"If it is what she wants, he will have no choice."

Sam shook his head. "I wish it were that easy, Edward." He took the book out of my hand then and continued, "As much as I agree with you, the fact still stands that Jacob is my alpha. I have to stand behind him."

I glowered furiously at Sam. If it weren't for his presence, I would have been halfway to La Push by now.

"I know I can't stop you from going after her now, no matter how dangerous I know it is for you… " he continued as he backed towards his vehicle, "But good luck, Edward. Do what you feel you need to do, and for her sake, try not to get yourself killed."

My body was shaking with rage as he pulled out of the driveway, I was seconds from bolting when Alice reminded me of her presence.

"What the hell happened?" She spoke slowly, enunciating each word sharply.

"Jacob attacked Bella." I supplied, though I'm sure she had already deduced that much. "It was him that put her in the hospital…"

"What?" Alice's voice was joined by Rosalie's as she walked out onto the porch, shortly afterwards Esme and my brothers followed.

"I can't explain right now." I shook my head, "I'm going to La Push."

"We're going with you then." Emmett decided aloud, issuing a hushed agreement from the rest of the family.

"Edward, before anyone goes anywhere, I really think we deserve an explanation." Esme added.

"Bella is in the company of a monster who almost killed her because she is too embarrassed to admit that she needed help. I am not going to waste time retelling the story when I need to get to her. I screwed this up, and now _I _need to fix it." I tried to speak in the nicest tone I could muster. I didn't want to hurt Esme's feelings.

As soon as I had explained, I departed. I began running, knowing that the fastest way to La Push was to by pass the slow traffic of the roads and cut straight through the mountains and forests. It would take about a half of an hour time off of the 2 hour trip.

Several moments after I had left, my phone rang. I spared only a moment to glance at it as I maneuvered through the tree's.

_If you need us, call. I can't see anything. Please keep us posted. I love you, Ed. _

The text was from Alice.

I pocketed the phone quickly, not sparing more thought than I needed to on anything other than Bella.

As angry as I was at Jacob, I was also slightly relieved by what I had learned through Sam's mind. Above all else, Bella loved me. She was planning on leaving Jacob for me, and I was almost certain that if I came back for her, she would leave with me. She had seemed so miserable about leaving when she was in Sam's car, I couldn't possibly imagine her saying no to coming back with me… unless her pride interfered again. She couldn't keep pretending like she didn't need help, though, when I had witnessed events that proved the exact opposite. She needed to get out of her relationship with Jacob. What was more, she wanted to get out of it.

I didn't care how many werewolves there were standing between Bella and myself. I was in love with Bella. Undeniably and irrevocably in love. I had never been more sure of myself or my decisions in my life. Nothing - no life force or natural phenomenon in this world could prevent me from getting to her. I didn't deserve her, I knew that for a fact… Until now, though, I had thought that Jacob deserved her more than I did. He had saved her life, after all. The moment that I found out that he had been the cause of her near death and visit to the intensive care ward of the hospital, I knew otherwise. Jacob didn't deserve her any more than I did… if not, less. I might have done a lot of harm to Bella, but none of it was intentional, and none of it was direct.

We both wanted her. Neither of us deserved her. All it came down to now was who was willing to fight for her, and I would fight. Not only would I face Jacob, I would face an entire pack of werewolves.

Subconsciously I knew that it was absurd and foolish to expect to prevail against at least fifteen werewolves - judging by what I had seen in Sam's head - but the stubborn part of me didn't care. Impossible as it may have been, there was nothing that I wasn't willing to do for Bella.


	15. Chapter 15

*Authors Note: We're pretending that the departure point and end point in Edward's journey is a lot closer than actuality.

I forgot to check mapquest to make sure and I'm not changing it now.

Use your imagination kids.

* * *

I made no effort to keep the forest in tact as I ran through it. As Sam had been pulling out of the driveway, it was clear through his thoughts that he planned on calling Jacob to warn him immediately. I couldn't blame Sam for the actions. No matter what, Jacob was his alpha and his pack leader and he was bound by unexplainable forces to obey him. I couldn't expect him to go against that just for my sake. It would be absurd. It would take bravery far beyond that any dog should be expected to have to go against their alpha. Loyalty was, after all, one of the most dominant characteristics of canines, right? Another dominant factor, especially in that of the alpha, was a temper. Bella had discovered that the hard way.

I wasn't exactly sure what I was planning on accomplishing with this visit. Jacob's fiery temper was already made clear to me, and now I intended on poking his inner beast with a stick? It seemed extremely unpractical of me. Almost suicidal, in fact. I began to regret not allowing my family to follow me there. What if things turned ugly? What if Bella got hurt again because of me? It was too late for them to be there immediately now. I had sealed my own fate, and now I had to face it.

What was I going to say, though? Could it be so easy as just presenting myself to her and telling her that I knew what Jacob did and I didn't want her to be subjected to that? Would that be enough to convince her? What could I possibly say to convince her how serious I was. I considered for the tiniest of moments promising her the eternity she had always wanted, but then shook my head to clear the desperation. No matter how much I wanted her, I would not use her soul as a bartering tool. Without that, though, what else did I have? Sure, I had my irrevocable love for her and the promise that I would never give up… but I had lied to her in the past, so what should make me believe that she would be so quick to trust me now.

The chances didn't look good.

For the first time, a new 'what if' presented itself to me.

_What if she wont come back with me?_

I had been so bent on rescuing her that I hadn't considered the fact that she might not want to be rescued. What would I do if she said she didn't want to return with me? I considered it for several miles before I decided that I would obey her request. If she had chosen Jacob… I would let her go.

I had to try, though.

By this point, several hours had passed and I was only about 4 minutes out of La Push. I began to panic, fearing for Bella's life more than my own. What if she got hurt in all this somehow. I would do my best to prevent that from happening, but if it did I would never forgive myself. I had already caused her so much pain. My nose wrinkled as I began to catch a new scent. The stench of dog hung thickly in the air, and I began to grow more wary of my surroundings. It would be all to easy for a small pack to pick me off right here in the woods before I even made it to Bella. I surveyed the air with my nose, doing my best to ignore the reek and focus more on the important aspects.

My heart filled with dread as I counted at least 12 different variations of the scent.

I hadn't expected there would be more than three or four of them. I was more than outnumbered with 12 of them, but it was too late for common sense at this point. Reacting impulsively had gotten me into this situation, and now that's all I could depend on to get me out.

As I neared the reservation, I became confused. I had expected to run into at least one werewolf by now. The air wreaked of their stench, but yet I hadn't seen a single life form. I slowed down, surveying the atmosphere until I finally locked in on Bella's scent. It was a light in the darkness. A single delight to the senses among a cavalcade of werewolf odors.

I listened intently for both physical and mental sounds that would alert me of another presence. I could feel the eyes watching me, I could smell them… just out of range for me to hear their thoughts.

They had definitely been warned.

A new scent began to mingle with the others, then. The entire environment was too calm for me to not smell the stench of conspiracy. Were they waiting to attack me from all angles, or trying to see if I was really stupid enough to come alone? Either way, they had me.

They had me, and I didn't care.

The creaking of a door caused me to quickly turn my head to the left. Bella's scent floated into the air and drew me around the side of a house where she stood with her back to me.

"Why did you come here?" She almost growled.

"I…" I started, taken aback by the harshness in her voice. "I lost you once, Bella. I wasn't going to give you up without a fight this time."

She didn't move. She stood at the end of the porch stairs, her back still to me, her fists clenching and unclenching. "I think you should leave."

It stung, I wasn't going to deny it. I hadn't prepared myself nearly enough for the rejection possibility. I wasn't about to give up that easily, though. I didn't know what I was going to say… but I needed to say something to make her give me another chance that I didn't deserve.

"Bella… please, just listen to me." I pleaded gently.

She turned on her heel suddenly, I half winced as I expected anger to be the dominant expression on her face. Instead, when I caught sight of her, my lifeless and mangled heart broke. It was almost unbelievable that my heart was still in tact enough for that much damage to befall it, but the heart wrenching look on her face was more painful than I could have ever imagined.

Her eyes were puffy, her nose was red. Tears streaked down her face and her nostrils flared as she fought to contain her emotions. More heartbreaking than any of that, though, was the faint purple bruise along her cheek. It would have been invisible to human eyes, but I could see it clearly. In only a few hours it would have manifested to be twice as large and a light blue color.

I choked on my gasp as I saw her, taking a step backwards. The devastation only lasted a moment before it turned into pure, gut wrenching anger.

"Where is he?" I spat.

She didn't answer. She crossed her arms and took a fierce stance as she tried to harden her face. "Edward, you need to leave now."

"Bella, he's dangerous." I pleaded. "I know that he was the reason you were in the hospital. I don't want to lose you like that. I want you to be safe."

"Edward… you left me! If you wanted me to be safe, you would have seen that your absence was going to cause the opposite! Yes, he's dangerous, I know that, but he stayed with me when you left."

"I know, Bella. I was wrong. I shouldn't have left you and I know that my apology doesn't mean much now… but damn it Bella, I love you."

"So does he." She countered, another tear escaping the corner of her eye.

"And what about you, Bella?" I said, softening my voice a noticeable amount. "Who do you love?"

She gulped, narrowing her eyes at me.

"Please just leave, Edward."

"Come with me." I pleaded.

"I can't. I belong here." She shook her head, dispelling several more tears with her actions.

"Please." I said again, debating on whether dropping to my knees would add any effectiveness.

"Go home, Edward." She said quietly.

"I am home." I countered firmly.

She narrowed her eyes questioningly at me.

"My home is wherever you are, Bella. You are my home."

She squeezed her eyes shut, a sob choking out of her parted lips before she could contain it. I took a step towards her, intending on comforting her in some way, but she held out her hand to stop me.

"No, Edward. Please don't. I can't… I just.." She faltered. "Wait here." She instructed, turning on her heel and disappearing into the house for several seconds before emerging with a familiar book in her hand.

"Here." She said, biting her lip, "This is yours."

"It's okay." I tried, "You can keep it."

"Please take it, Edward. Just take it." Her eyes were pleading as she held it out to me.

I reached out a trembling hand to accept the copy of _Wuthering Heights_ from her. She withdrew her hand quickly, not letting me touch her, and then backed away towards the steps again.

"Goodbye." she whispered decisively.

"Wait, Bella, please…" I was grasping at straws now. I couldn't leave here without her, especially after seeing the fresh bruise on her cheek. "I wont leave here without you."

She winced, her fists clenching again. Her eyes fluttered closed and her eyebrows drew together in a pained expression before she finally choked out - "I have made a choice, Edward. Just like you made a choice when you left Forks."

"And what choice is that?"

She hesitated, shifting back and forth for a brief moment, her breath coming in rapid and uneven gasps.

"I choose Jacob." Her eyes opened again, meeting mine. Her chocolate brown eyes were set and unfaltering. They seemed lifeless and cold save for the tears still falling from them.

I heard something that resembled a chuckle from the surrounding area and I wondered for a moment how big of an audience we had at that moment.

_I choose Jacob._

I couldn't believe she had spoken those words. I hadn't prepared myself nearly enough for this rejection, and I felt my knees grow weak at the realization. I gulped back a wave of emotion as I stared back at her, feeling the expression drain off of my face. I shut myself down to feeling, then. I made myself go completely numb as I gave her a single, curt nod.

"I'll be near by if you need me." I said softly, trusting that she knew what that meant.

I started to turn to walk away, but stopped short, looking back at her momentarily as I added - "I love you, Bella."

As I began walking away from her, I hear the soft thud of her knees hitting the dirt and a stifled sob, but no response.

Long after I was out of her sight, I walked at a human pace. I wondered if their plan all along was to wait until I was out of her sight before they attacked me. I didn't care. Bella had chosen an abusive werewolf who she wouldn't admit to loving over me. What kind of monster was I that I was the lesser of those two evils? What kind of monster was I that I was actually leaving her like this. No matter what she wanted… I shouldn't be leaving her in his hands. But then… I knew I couldn't force her to do something she didn't want to. She was a grown woman, and she was able to make her own decisions.

And she had decided on Jacob.

I walked until I was outside the La Push boundary. Only then did I turn around. 5 wolves stood in my wake, not threatening to follow me, but positioned as a warning on the borderline, daring me to return. As I turned, one of them - a large russet colored one with shaggy fur bared its teeth and snarled. I didn't respond. I was too lifeless to care at that moment. I kept walking along the side of the road without really having a sense of direction. It didn't matter where I went any more, though I knew I should go back to my family as I promised. I told myself that I wouldn't put them through any more of my masochistic moping if things ended badly this time, and I would stick to that… but it would only be easier from a distance. I turned myself in the direction of our old home on the outskirts of Forks and broke into a run.

I would live there for as long as it took. I would keep my phone on me at all times and run the La Push border whenever I could, looking for any sign that Bella was alive and well.

I would do my best to look after her from a distance.

I focused on retaining the numbness that had saved me from breaking down thus far as I ran, though knowing that I could only hold of the pain for so long. As I neared the home, I heard the unexpected sounds of people moving around inside of it. Suddenly cautious, I crouched down and crept lithely through the undergrowth as I neared.

I relaxed immediately as the driveway came into view. My Volvo and Emmett's jeep sat in the driveway, labeling the occupants of the house clearly.

"What are you guys doing here?" I mumbled, doing my best to put on a brave face for them as I reentered the familiar house to find them gathered, staring at me.

"You didn't actually think we were going to let you come all this way alone, did you?" Emmett scoffed. "We left shortly after you did just in case you needed backup." He shrugged.

"Oh." I nodded.

They all continued staring at me, waiting for me to supply them with the answers to the questions going through all of their minds. All of their minds except Jasper's, that is. He stared at me with his eyebrows drawn together in a concerned frown.

_He's in so much pain right now. Something must have gone wrong. Damn it, I was hoping this wouldn't happen. Edward doesn't deserve this pain anymore. Why can't the poor guy ever catch a break._

"Edward?" Alice urged. _What happened?_

I took a deep and shuddering breath, forcing my emotions back one last time before speaking.

"She chose Jacob."

* * *

It's been a while, I know. I apologize. I was busy busy with hitting 50k for my NaNoWriMo novel. I succeeded, though. Thank you all for your patience, and I apologize for yet another cliffy. I promise I will update sooner from now on. I am actually half way through the next chapter already, so no worries. I'll post it soon.

Reviews are like oxygen. They keep me going, mmkay?


	16. Chapter 16

"She chose Jacob."

As I spoke the words, the entire family gasped. Not externally, though. Internally. It was a weird experience. On the outside, they were all staring, jaws set, trying not to let their disbelief show through, but on the inside they were in an uproar.

I couldn't let their reactions get to me. I was on the verge of breaking as it was and letting them see it was against the promise I had made to myself. Not that any promise I made would mean anything anymore, not after I broke the one promise that meant the most. Not after I failed to keep Bella safe like I said I would.

I felt the sobs building in my chest, and without another word I turned to the stairs and darted up them and away from the eyes of my family. Instinctually, I went right to my own bedroom, not considering the repercussions until I was already inside of it with the door shut. The first thing I saw was the long black couch. I leaned my head backwards against the door with a thump letting my eyes close as I heard the distant echo of Bella's voice invade my memories.

"_You're still waiting for the running and screaming, aren't you?" She raised an eyebrow, turning away from my CD collection to face me. _

_I smirked a little at her accuracy as I nodded. _

_She rolled her eyes slightly, "I hate to burst your bubble, but you're really not as scary as you think you are. I don't find you scary at all, actually." Her eyes darted away from mine as she spoke the last sentence, giving away a slight degree of untruthfulness in her words. _

_I felt the corner of my lips turn up into a smile as I decided to act on that little bit of uncertainty in her voice. "You really shouldn't have said that." _

_Feigning ferocity, I crouched a little, trying not to laugh at the absurdity of the action. I forced a low growl into the back of my throat for effect, causing Bella to begin to slowly back away. _

"_You wouldn't" _

_Her assumption that I was only joking only made me more certain of my actions. She whirled in surprise as I disappeared from before her and tackled her to the couch. She yelped slightly in shock as I locked my arms around her, curling her into my chest, still grinning. _

"_You were saying?" I urged acerbically as she struggled to free herself from my grip._

"_That you are a very, very terrifying monster." Her eyes widened sarcastically and she shook her head a little for emphasis. _

"_Much better." I chuckled softly._

She had been joking at the time, but I really was a monster. There was no denying it. I might not have been quite as much of a monster as Jacob was proving himself to be, but I was a monster nonetheless.

I crossed to the couch, extending a hand and tracing a finger along the surface of it. I folded myself onto it, leaning my head back onto the cushion and staring at the ceiling distastefully. The last time I had been in this room was when I had decided to leave Forks, and Bella. How ironic that I should return on the day which she left me.

A sudden wave of self loathing consumed me and I stood up again and began pacing. Anger and resentment tore through me like a poison, threatening to tear me apart. Regret bubbled up from my core, leaving a more unpleasant feeling than even my venom could as it sat, nagging at my conscious thoughts.

If only I had seen then how impotent my attempt would be. How could I have been so stupid? How could I have believed for one second that my absence would help her? I knew she was a danger magnet, and I knew how stubborn she was, how had I expected that she would be able to move on just like that?

If she had been feeling even a fraction of the emotions I was feeling at this moment, I deserved the harshest punishment imaginable for putting her through it. I had known the loneliness of being without Bella. I had been haunted by the empty feeling for the past 3 years, but this was different. This was worse by far. I knew the reason for it's intensity was because it hadn't been my choice. It was less painful, and I never believed I would ever be able to consider anything more painful than those years of my life, but that had been less painful by far in comparison to this. It had been my choice to leave her before. It had been my decision and I had always known that even though I was without her, there was a chance that she still wanted me. This was different. The sheer rejection and denial that I was left with was one of the most painful feelings I had ever experienced.

If this was how Bella felt when I left her, I didn't deserve a second chance. No one, especially not Bella, deserved this torment.

I was shocked that I had contained my feelings thus far. I knew it was more for the sake of my family than anything else. If I were alone, I probably would have collapsed by now. But I didn't want to put them through that again. It wasn't fair of me to make them suffer along with me. Even if I was behind closed doors, there were no secrets in a house full of vampires who could see the future and hear through walls and floors.

I paced like that for several hours, battling with my emotions and containing the many sobs that threatened to tear out of my throat. I could hear the family conversing in hushed tones, exchanging theories on what might have happened and making predictions as to what would happen next. I ignored them as best as I could, but every now and again an inner comment of Alice's or Esme's would break through and open a new wound on my dead heart. There were two concerns prominent on not only their minds, but all of my families minds, including Rosalie's. Concern for Bella, and concern for me.

A knock on the door put an abrupt halt to my pacing. "Edward, can I come in?" Jasper's voice requested. Realizing how inattentive I must have been to not hear his approach, I gave him quiet permission and continued pacing.

_Let it out, dude. Please. You're killing me, here._

I looked up at him quickly, confused. His eyes were pleading and sympathetic as he crossed to sit on the couch.

_It's just making it worse for you by bottling it up._

"I can't lose it, Jasper. Not here. Not now. I've put this family through enough without subjecting them to that."

"Edward," He said, speaking aloud this time. "There isn't anyone in this house who wouldn't understand. You are upset, and rightly so. No one expects you to be strong through this. Let it out."

I shook my head, though his point was tempting.

"At least talk about what happened, then." Jasper suggested. "Was Jacob there?"

"No. Jacob wasn't there. It was just Bella." I informed him, hoping he didn't notice my voice cracking under the strain.

_Just Bella? Well then what could have kept him from bringing her back with hi-_

I cut off his thought with an additional explanation. "She said she didn't want to come back with me. She told me to leave."

"Oh, shit." He groaned, leaning back against the couch cushions. "I wasn't expecting that."

"Me either." I said quietly. "But I deserved it after all I've done."

His thoughts were a flurry of several different things at that moment. Most of them revolving on painful memories he had of Bella and I before he finally spoke again.

"If that's true, you're the only one whose getting what they deserve in this situation."

I frowned, not knowing exactly what he meant.

"Jacob doesn't deserve her. He doesn't deserve to _live_ at this point, let alone live in her presence. Bella is a good person. She shouldn't live her life being afraid of what that mutt might do to her next. No matter how much you might have screwed up, Edward, you should be with Bella. Not Jacob."

I was silent for a moment, mulling over his words carefully.

"There was a bruise on her cheek too." I added, the memory cutting into my chest like a knife.

"What?" He said disbelievingly. "Why on earth wouldn't she have left?"

"I don't know." I frowned, "I guess he must have been the lesser of two evils.." I said quietly.

"You aren't evil, Edward. Don't even think that."

"No, I am!" I raised my voice a little too much, lifting my agonized glare to meet his eyes. "This… what I am feeling right now… I did this to _her_. When I left… this is what she must have been going through. On top of this, she lost her Mother and Father because I wasn't there to protect them, or her. I put her through the exact thing I am feeling now, and if that's not evil… I don't know what is." I couldn't stop the sob that tore from my lips as I finished the sentence.

I felt a wave of calming envelope me, but I stopped him immediately. "No, please don't. I need to feel this. I need to… I need to feel something." The calm sensation disappeared immediately. I appreciated his understanding more than I would ever be able to express at that moment.

The numbness that I had forced upon myself was shattered. I stumbled into the couch, curling my knees into my chest and pressing my hands against my face.

"What have I done?" I gasped through several violent sobs.

As embarrassed as I was to be breaking down in front of Jasper, he certainly didn't complicate things for me. He sat silently, staring at the golden carpeting as I came to terms with the events of the day. He didn't try to comfort me or tell me that it was going to be okay, he just sat still and waited for my emotions to run their course.

"She wont tell me that she loves him." I considered aloud after several moments, my voice barely above a whisper.

"Did you ask her if she did?" Jasper questioned, finally breaking his silence.

"Yes." I exhaled.

"Did she say anything else?" He frowned, his mind trying to sort through the reasons she would have for lying to me. He obviously didn't know how terrible a liar Bella was. I would have known if she was bluffing.

"No.. she gave me back my book though." I murmured, reaching into my coat pocket to find the book that I had forgotten about until now. I held it in my palm for a moment, tracing the familiar cover art with my eyes and running my thumb over the weathered cover quickly before discarding it with a huff of air that resembled a snort. The book skidded across the floor quickly before I heard it bump into the wall. I looked down and continued - "I guess she didn't want anything that reminded her of me."

Jasper was silent, but his mind was focused, concentrated on something. I looked up to see his eyebrows pulled into a tight frown, his eyes still staring after the book I had thrown. I followed suit, my eyes freezing over the book lying on the floor.

"What's that?" I frowned, squinting at the unfamiliar shape emerging from within the books pages. For a moment I had thought that it was just a loose page, but upon further inspection it was clear that it did not belong in the book. The paper was a brighter color than the dingy and dulled color of the books pages. That piece of paper did not belong.

I stared at it for a long moment, not able to bring myself to move. Finally, I shook myself out of my concentration and crossed the room in two long strides to pick it up. The paper smelled like Bella… but there was also a faint hint of salt-smell to it. On the outside of it there were several water stains that suggested that tears had been shed over this piece of paper. My hand was trembling as I unfolded it. I had suspected that it would be something to the effect of a note, but seeing Bella's messy handwriting confirmed it. I took a deep breath, preparing myself for the bad instead of the good, learning from my earlier mistakes.

"What is it?" Jasper urged from his seat on the couch across the room.

"It's from Bella." I replied simply before I began to read.

_Edward, _

_I'm glad that you found this letter. I was afraid that you wouldn't and that what I have to say would go unspoken and you would live the rest of eternity without knowing how I really felt; without knowing the truth._

_It's impossible to tell how much time has really passed since the last time you saw me, maybe I'm even dead by now, but I know you remember the words exchanged, and I know that I hurt you. I understand now how hard it was for you to lie to me and tell me that you didn't want to be with me, because I am facing the same situation, now. _

_I love you, Edward. I love you more than anything in this world. _

_You need to know, the day I left your family to go back to Jacob, I had initially planned to stay with him. It was my own foolish pride that had convinced me to go. I say that I had initially planned it because by the time I was a mile away, I had changed my mind. I thought about everything that had happened, and I knew that my only chance at happiness was to be with you. _

_When I told Jacob that I was leaving him and going back to Alaska to live with you, he didn't take it well. I'll spare you the details, but essentially, he wasn't happy. I do love Jacob, but I was never able to consider him as more than a brother. He knew that, but for some reason found it hard to accept._

_When he found out that you were on your way, he got defensive. He's a very proud person, and he doesn't take to being out done. _

_It will be the hardest thing I will ever do to tell you to leave, but I am doing it to save your life. There are far too many in Jacob's pack for you to take on, Edward, no matter how strong you think you are. Not even your entire family could stand against them. I have had too many people that I love die at my expense, and I will not let your name and the names of your family…. Of _my_ family be added to that list. _

_He promised me that he would not harm you as long as I convince you to leave without me and not come back. I have no idea how I could possibly make you believe a lie like that, but I have to try, Edward. Please understand. _

_I am not angry with you. I am not mad at you for leaving me all those years ago. I know now that you made the decision with my best interest in mind. _

_You also need to know Edward, that what happened after you left was in no way your fault. I know it is in your nature to shoulder the blame for things like that though, so because I know that you need to hear it - _

_I forgive you, and I love you. _

_Forever yours, _

_Bella._

I stared at the letter in my hands, rereading it several times. Her handwriting was messy, frantic. I could almost hear the pain in her voice as I read the words. A deafening roar filled my ears and I couldn't make sense of what I was reading suddenly. I could faintly hear Jasper at my side, crouched down and repeating my name in concern. Crouching? Why was Jasper crouching? I realized with a start that I had somehow fallen to my knees throughout the course of reading Bella's note.

Other voices joined in and the entire family assembled before me, repeating my name to get my attention.

Finally, I allowed myself to blink, erasing the image of the letter in front of me and allowing me to instead focus on the wide and concerned eyes of my family.

"What does it say?" Jasper asked calmly, ignoring the uproar of "What does _what_ say" and "What are you talking about!?" Coming from the rooms new occupants.

"It says…" I started, but being unable to finish, I offered the note up. Alice made it there first and took it quickly from my hands, reading it aloud and at such a fast pace that it would have been impossible for human ears to comprehend a word of it.

After she was through, the entire family entered the same shocked gaze as I had. Emmett was the first to respond.

"That _bastard_!" He spoke through gritted teeth, a low snarl rumbling in the back of his throat.

"He blackmailed her?" Alice spat angrily. "He threatened her with your life?"

"I'm not surprised." Rosalie reasoned acidly, "He is a dog."

"Edward, say something." Esme prompted, crossing to me and placing her hand on my shoulder.

"She lied." I finally murmured.

"You can't fault her for that, Edward. You lied to her too." Carlisle pointed out.

"No… I'm not mad." I shook my head, "I'm… amazed. She has never been able to lie to save her life!" I scoffed.

"Edward." I looked up to find Rosalie staring down at me with shockingly sympathetic eyes. "Did it ever occur to you that maybe she would be able to lie if it was to save _your_ life?"

The magnanimous truth in her words had a strong impact on me. I was speechless.

"What now?" Alice said quietly, her voice barely above a squeak.

I stood, taking the note from Alice's hand and placing it safely in my pocket.

"I'm going to get her." I responded decisively.

"Edward, it's dangerous." Carlisle warned, "There has to be at least 20 of them from what I've gathered."

"Carlisle, I don't care how dangerous it is. She is worth it, to me. You can't expect me just to leave her there! Not after reading that!"

"I don't expect that at all, Edward. I'm simply trying to let you know that you are not going there alone this time. I'm going to accompany you."

"Me too." Emmett added.

"And me." Alice agreed.

Soon the entire family had voiced their self-invitations, even Rosalie.

"It's dangerous." I echoed Carlisle's words.

I knew that my warning of danger wouldn't change their minds at all, and I expected them to argue with me. What I didn't expect was Rosalie's reaction.

"She's a part of the family." She said simply. "An important part of the family."

No one else seemed to hear her but me. Everyone else had already broken into animated conversations about the task ahead of us, leaving Rosalie and I staring at each other through an uproar of planning.

"Thank you." I whispered, my eyes narrowing briefly to better direct my comment at her. She nodded once and then joined in talking about how many werewolves each vampire would be assigned.

I ignored their conversations and pulled out Bella's note one last time. Instead of reading the entire thing again, I let my eyes linger on the last line.

_I forgive you, and I love you._

It was incredible how much those seven messy words altered my spirits. I didn't care how dangerous it was. All I needed to know was that Bella loved me and wanted me, and nothing could deter me from getting to her.

I would walk through hell for Bella without even questioning it, why would I let myself be encumbered by 20 plus werewolves when she was what was to gain.

_I forgive you, and I love you._

* * *

this fic is nearing its conclusion guys!

words cannot explain how much I love all of you who have been repeatedly reviewing each successive chapter.

ily, ily, ily.

click the green button. do it!


	17. Chapter 17

The question of how my existence would end was something that I had considered many times. When I had been mortal, I was certain after my mother died that my fate would be the same as hers. I had lost the will to fight the disease, then, even if I could have beat it. But Carlisle had taken matters into his own hands and saved me… regardless if I wanted to be saved or not. Since then, I had been burdened with the curse of an extended period of time to think about my fate. When I had left Bella, I wished that there was an easy way I could have ended my existence. I had felt more dead than a corpse during that period of my life, and I would have easily taken a convenient out if one had been offered, as selfish as it seems in retrospect. When Bella had left me, the thought of going to the Volturi and asking them to kill me had come into my mind several times, but the thought of Bella needing help stopped me. I always knew, though, that when she died, I would follow her as soon as possible. Living in a world where she existed in an untouchable way was terrible in its own right, but living in a world where she didn't exist at all was out of the question for me. The sheer chance of contact with her would sustain me as long as she lived, no matter how much pain I was going through.

I had considered many different ways for my life… or lack thereof, to end. Never, though, had I considered it this way. Although, as I rushed through the forest paying little heed to the environment around me, I figured that this was a valiant way to go - if that's what it would come to. Dying to protect someone that you loved was probably one of the most noble things to do with your life. For someone who had a soul, that kind of selflessness would surely get you a one-way ticket to the best afterlife available. As it stood, though, I was neither being selfless, nor did I have a soul. As much as I wanted to save Bella for her sake, I also wanted to save her for mine. I needed her in ways that I never thought possible.

If I failed to rescue Bella today I don't think the alternative of being killed by a werewolf would be all too lacking in appeal. Living with the failure of that would be more excruciating than anything. I knew the odds weren't good. There were at least twenty werewolves, and there were only seven of us. Even if we took on two werewolves per member of the family, we were still out numbered. Of course, we were still hoping that it wouldn't come down to a fight, but we knew that it was highly unlikely considering the temper of the wolves and the nature of our unexpected and already unwelcome visit. My family had decided - without giving me any chance for input - that they would each take three werewolves and leave me to deal with Jacob, one other random werewolf at random, and then protecting Bella.

What if Bella got mad, though?

It was unlikely, sure, but when had Bella ever made herself known as being predictable. Us bursting in when she hadn't expected me to find that letter for years would certainly come as a shock to begin with, but how would she react if it turned to a massacre of wolves… or worse, vampires? She would no doubt blame herself for that and the massive guilt she would carry for the rest of her life would be excruciating to both of us, that is, assuming I survived.

It was hard for me to think of it in terms of only _possibly_ surviving, but I had to face the facts here. We were outnumbered and the odds were against us. What was worse, the odds were against Bella. I knew how unlikely it was that we would all come out of this unscathed, but looking around at the determined faces of my family whose only thoughts were of Bella's safety, I couldn't bring myself to be afraid.

My only fear was losing her… and I knew that the chances of that happening would be significantly heightened if it came to a fight. I was going to have to do everything in my power to keep that from happening. I had no ideas as to how I was going to achieve that, exactly, but I was determined to do everything possible.

La Push was relatively empty when we arrived. Darkness had settled and the last rays of the sun were slowly disappearing behind the distant tree line. We all surveyed the air as we neared the edge of the forest right near the LaPush border. It was eerily quiet. No fresh scents were in the area. Not even when we crept along the road and near to the first clump of houses did we smell any werewolves. Suddenly, the steady rumble of an engine started up in a nearby driveway and we all sprang into the cover of shadows as an unfamiliar red car rumbled away from the border down the road.

_I can't believe they ran out of hot dogs. We had over one hundred of them there! I used to think that those boys had healthy appetites, but when I have to make trips home just to get them more hot dogs…_

The thoughts were distinctly female, of that much I was certain. Another thing her thoughts had implied was that wherever she was bringing the hot dogs she had just picked up, that's where we would find the werewolves, and by likely association, Bella.

I motioned with a quick flick of my hand that we should follow the vehicle and the family offered no hesitation in complying. We were as silent as ghosts. The gravel made no noise beneath our feet and our shadows cast by the pale glow of the moon were fleeting and barely visible as we blurred ourselves against the forest backdrop.

I recognized her direction very quickly. She was heading to first beach. It didn't take long before the scent of a campfire became present in the air, mixed with the distinct scent of saltwater, hot dogs, and then the non edible and immensely disgusting scent of _dog_. The minds of my family surrounding me were all in the midst of recognizing the same thing that I was. The entire pack and their families were gathered at first beach for some inconveniently timed festivities.

As much as I didn't want this to happen in front of more people than necessary, it was unavoidable at this point. We had come this far, and if we didn't go through with the plan now, our scent was all over their town and they would have Bella hundreds of miles away by the morning. It was now or never.

The wind was blowing in our favor, it was coming straight towards us, making it unquestionably harder for them to smell us from far away, but making it easy for us to smell them. 19 werewolves were present. Bella's scent was there, too. But there was also the different scents of at least 20 humans.

_Innocent humans. _

My guilt flared at the possible loss of innocent human life. Years before it wouldn't have bothered me, but because I knew it would bother Bella… it now had a different effect on me.

_If Jacob has any amount of decency left, Edward, he'll send the humans away. I don't think he would attack us in front of all those people. There are small children there, even he has more sense than that. This might work in our favor._

I turned my head quickly to nod my thanks in Jaspers direction as the red car turned the corner into a dirt lot. The sound of the waves crashing against the rocks were closer now, and I knew where we were. We kept going down the road until we caught the edge of the forest that encroached onto the beach. It was still about a quarter of a mile from the now visible glow of the bonfire, but we had no problem seeing and hearing as if it were only two feet ahead of us.

We watched in silence as the woman from the red car approached the bonfire with several more packages of hot dogs. It was almost stunning how quickly the food disappeared. I could hear the tearing of bags and fumbling for roasting sticks as they bantered over who got how many and who was the most hungry. I looked past them and started scanning the crowd for Bella. With a little assistance from Alice, who's mind showed that she had already found her, I located her as well. She was wrapped in a green blanket sitting on a lawn chair. Her knees were pulled into her chest and her eyes were still red and puffy, the bruise was now perfectly visible even to human eyes and I wondered for a brief moment what Jacob had told the other people on the reservation to explain his additional outburst. Bella's eyes were open and unseeing as she stared into the flames. Her body was lifeless and she held no part in any conversations taking place around her. I scanned the minds of the other people and canines quickly to find that a lot of them were concerned for Bella. The humans had no idea what was going on, of course, so they were very confused and worried. Jacob was bordering on furious, though.

_The least she could do is pretend that nothing is wrong. I'm under huge suspicions right now and her sitting there like a whiney little girl who's puppy just died isn't helping the situation at all._

I watched as he crossed to her, offering her a hotdog which she turned down politely, but without looking at him. He settled himself into the chair next to her, squeezing her knee in false encouragement and an empty sign of affection that was more for the audience than for her. Bella's eyes fell onto his hand and retained their empty and unfeeling shallowness as she forced a smile, again, more for the audience than anything. The hot dog in Jacob's had disappeared almost instantaneously as soon as he set his sights on it, and his attention was then back on her.

"Smile, Bella. I thought you would be happy. You just saved your blood suckers life, that's quite an accomplishment. Do me a favor and at least put on a happy face around my family. They're going to start thinking I abuse you or something." He chuckled, looking away.

Bella's head snapped up as he joked about abuse and her eyes narrowed in disbelief. She was likely thinking the same thing that I was. What was the harm in them thinking that he was abusing her when in actuality that's exactly what he had done?

"Asshole." Rosalie muttered from somewhere behind me.

"That's a compliment compared to what he should be called." Esme hissed back.

"Like what, useless sphincter of rotting road kill?" Emmett added.

"Nice." Rose applauded in a hushed tone.

They stifled several laughs and brought their attention back to the festivities before us.

Jacob had stood, then, and crossed over to a young looking boy who reeked of werewolf, also. It was surprising how young he was, though. He must have been only about 13 or 14. Another pang of guilt constricted my chest but I pushed it away quickly, focusing instead on what Jacob was saying.

"You're sure?" He whispered condescendingly, his tone threatening.

"Yes." The boy gulped. "All seven of them."

"Even the psychic?"

"Yes." The boys voice was shaky.

"Good." Jacob grinned deviously. "Thank you Brody. You've done good."

"Hey Jake.." He started nervously as Jacob began turning around.

"What?" Jacob allowed impatiently.

"It's nothing… it's just.." He stammered, obviously intimidated by Jacob's temper.

"Spit it out."

"Is it really necessary to hurt them? They're gone… they're not breaking any rules…"

"They did break a rule, Brody. Edward trespassed onto our land which the treaty expressly forbids."

"But, Bella-"

"Bella doesn't have to know." Jacob's voice was bordering on a snarl, then. Brody recoiled, wincing. "And she wont know. Right?" Jacob threatened menacingly.

"R..Right." Brody nodded quickly.

Alice was the first to speak.

"That bastard." She hissed through clenched teeth.

The rest of the family murmured their agreement through clouded and angry minds, but my reaction was opposite. I felt relief.

I was no longer guilty in the least about anything that might happen from this point forward. If any young werewolf got hurt or killed, It wasn't my fault. Even if my family ended up hurt in some way, it wasn't my fault anymore. This was something that was going to happen whether we had planned it or not. If we hadn't come here, they would have come to us. I was no longer burdened with the knowledge that I had been leading my family straight into a situation that could be potentially fatal. If it wasn't now, it would be tomorrow when we weren't expecting it. At least this way there was a slight chance that we could come out of it with Bella, whereas the other way around, they certainly wouldn't have brought her with them. They would have hidden her somewhere… or maybe they wouldn't have even went that far. Maybe they were so sure that they would come out victorious that they wouldn't have even made precautions like that.

We watched for several more moments as Jacob made his rounds about the campfire telling 17 more people the exact same words. - "It's on. Meet at Quil's house tonight at 1 AM. We're going leech hunting."

"Oh honestly." Emmett scoffed. "Come up with better nicknames for us you flea bitten sons of bitches." He was silent for a second before snorting - "Hah! Get it, sons of bitches… because they are dogs and female dogs are called bitches.."

We all rolled our eyes in unison. I marveled at how calm and jokingly Emmett could compose himself while facing something as potentially dangerous as this. Emmett had always been one for overconfidence though. Hopefully in this instance it would work to our advantage.

I watched as Jacob checked the time on his wrist watch to see that it was midnight. "Well, guys. Bella and I are tired. Tomorrow's the big day, you know. We need our rest." He winked.

Bella rolled her eyes sarcastically, though her face was still half concealed as she buried it in her kneecaps.

My stomach dropped as the minds of all the humans were suddenly filled with different variations of the same thing. Bella in a wedding dress standing next to a man that was not me.

The wedding was tomorrow?

"Now, Edward. It's now or never." I felt Carlisle, who had remained silent until now, applying pressure to my back, urging me forward. The families were scattering, heading back to their cars now. Jacob was urging Bella to stand and she did so uncooperatively. We took several steps forward until we were out of the cover of the trees. As soon as the moon illuminated our pale skin, Bella saw us. She gasped, loudly, her hand flying up to her mouth.

Jacob whirled to see what she was looking at, his eyes falling upon me immediately. Anger was the first and most prominent reaction that crossed his face, but immediately following that was arrogant acceptance of the situation.

_Now Bella can't even come close to blaming me for killing him. He broke the treaty twice and he didn't listen to her when she told him to leave and not come back. What an idiot._

Bella's eyes were wide, horror etching every inch of her face. "No," She whispered. "What are you doing.."

"Hey Quil, Embry!" Jacob called over his shoulder, stopping two tall native boys and turning them in their tracks. "We've got company."

Several other humans turned to examine the situation, but Quil and Embry took the initiative to direct them firmly to return to their homes. Embry sprinted down to stand next to Jacob as Embry ran off up the sandy incline to stop as many of the pack as he could and order the rest of the humans to get home.

"What do you want, Cullen?" Jacob spat, aiming the question at me.

"You know exactly what I want Jacob." I responded, gesturing with my head towards Bella.

"You don't learn very well, do you?" He scoffed, "Didn't you hear her when she told you that she chose me?"

I realized with a start that if things ended badly for me, it would be worse for Bella if Jacob knew she had hidden a letter in the book. I had to lie.

"I did." I nodded, "But I also saw in your mind when you told her to lie in order to save my life."

"Well then." He continued, seemingly not at all set back by my accusation, "You clearly don't have a very high sense of self preservation."

"Not as high as my desire to preserve Bella's life."

"What's that supposed to mean?" He snarled, "Preserve as in lengthen? Make her into a bloodsucker, too? You'd have to kill me first."

"That can be arranged." Rosalie muttered under her breath, but he didn't look at her.

"No, Jacob. You know well what I mean. Do you honestly think Bella deserved to be mangled to within an inch of her life on the side of the road?" I started. The sudden wave of images spewing from his mind threatened to cripple me, but I ignored it as best as I could and continued. "Do you think she deserved that black eye?" I said, gesturing to Bella again.

"What?" an unfamiliar face questioned from Jacob's other side, turning to look at Jacob questioningly.

_Jake said that Edward had put that bruise on Bella._

"Oh did he?" I questioned, turning to address the young boy and realizing that there was now an accumulation of about 16 werewolves facing us and two more approaching. "Is that what he told you?" I repeated.

He stared at me, open mouthed.

"Adam, shut up." Jacob snarled.

"He told you all that I was the one that gave Bella that black eye?" I said louder, making sure that everyone could hear me. "Would you like to tell them what really happened, or should I?" I said, raising my eyebrow pointedly at Jacob.

_That explains why he hasn't been phasing in front of us very often lately. He was hiding something from us._

I realized that this was good. The werewolves were questioning Jacob's honesty and I was in the drivers seat at this moment. I was running this confrontation and it seemed to make Jacob obviously uncomfortable.

"That is not the point!" Jacob spat. "You coming here has cost you your lives, you realize that, right?" He growled, eliciting a sharp gasp from Bella.

"That's not true either." I chuckled. "You know, Jacob, you really should try telling the truth on occasion. Especially to her." I gestured again towards Bella. "A relationship can be based on nothing if not trust." I was shocked at my own sarcasm. How cool and collected I was being while facing something as terrifying as this.

"And you're one to talk about _trust."_ He spat, trying desperately to spin the conversation in his favor. "You left her alone. I had to save her life-"

"The fact that you saved her life is negated entirely by the fact that you followed the action up with landing her in intensive care for months hanging on to her life by a string."

It was clear by the assorted gasps resonating behind him that there was a large part of the pack that hadn't known about that, either.

"Well then I guess we're even. You leaving almost killed her, and now here you are trying to save her."

"But at least I'm telling the truth." I picked up the old topic that Jacob had thought he had successfully steered us away from.

"You said that us coming here cost us our lives… you know as well as I do that that isn't true, Jacob. We've been watching you for a while, here. You planned on ambushing us at our home exactly one hour from now, did you not?"

"No!" Bella whimpered, "No, Jacob, you promised!"

"Bella, the treaty is much more binding than some petty promise I made to you to get him out of your life."

"I didn't want him out of my life." She whispered, her eyes narrowing and her face turning into a pained frown.

"Bella, go to the car." Jacob ordered without turning to look at her.

"No, Jake, please, don't do this."

"Go to the car!" He roared, uncurling one of his fists just enough to point a shaky finger at the parking lot in the distance.

Bella hesitated before planting her foot firmly on the ground and refusing in a simple and firm "No."

Jacob's mind filled with searing hot and blinding rage for a split second before he reached behind him, curling his fingers too harshly over Bella's shoulder and pushing her in the direction he wanted her to go. "Now!" He ordered. Bella stumbled, losing her balance and falling face first, palms outstretched, into the sand. I reacted impulsively. It was bad enough watching things like this from the replay of his mind, but to witness them first hand was something that I did not have the self control to handle. I flew forward, stopping inches from Jacob's body and slamming my palms against his shoulders forcefully. Caught off guard, he flew into the air, landing on his back a few yards away on top of an old piece of driftwood, shattering it upon contact.

Alice was to Bella's side in an instant, but the other members of the pack, still convinced that we meant Bella harm in some way, charged at her. She pulled Bella gently behind her back, snarling at the approaching wolves and taking on a poised stance as they came towards her.

Jacob stood up, his eyes flooded with anger and violent rage.

"This ends now!" He snarled.

* * *

I totally expected this to be the last chapter, but it turned out to be much longer than I planned. Another cliffy, I know. I'm sorry.

Reviews = oxygen, mmkay. There are 4.5k people reading this story according to my traffic page, and I KNOW all you guys aren't reviewing.

plz to be letting me know what you think, or even that you are reading it at all.

3!


	18. Chapter 18

This is NOT the last chapter. I thought this fiction was going to be done three chapters ago, but we see how well that worked out now, don't we. lol. I fail at predicting chapter lengths, what can I say.

Enjoy!

* * *

"This ends now!"

As Jacob spat the words, I watched his frame shudder violently before it had changed shape entirely. In a split second of ripping fabric and angry snarls, he was a dog. He launched himself towards me, teeth bared, intentions clear. I braced myself, ready to catch his weight and throw him off of me. Maybe if I was careful enough I could throw him into the audience of his pack members and disorient them enough to give my family an advantage.

Jacob didn't make contact with me, though.

The moment he was in the air, another ripping noise mirrored the first and a large mass of fur collided with him, sending him several feet off course and crumpling him to the ground. Jacob whirled, snarling angrily at his attacker and then quieting immediately when he realized that it was a wolf rather than a vampire_._

_Enough, Jacob. This isn't right, not in front of Bella especially._

I recognized the thoughts of the dog as Sam Uley's, and I was immediately grateful.

_I am the alpha. This is how it's going to happen. Either stand aside or make yourself useful._

Jacob's thoughts were even more biting. Sam shook his head and then paced back to rest of the pack and stood on four paws before them. The one I recognized as Brody pulled the blanket that Bella had been using off of her chair and tossed it over Sam. Sam bobbed his head in appreciation and in a split second, the fur appeared to absorb into his body, revealing the tan, toned skin of his human form. Quickly, he had used the blanket to cover the area of his body for which the clothing lay in shredded pieces around him and righted himself to face the rest of the human-formed pack members.

A low growl sounded from Jacob before he did the same, though not having anything to replace his ruined clothing articles.

Sam, being the valiant and moral being that he had proven he was, ripped the blanket in half with one too-simple gesture and tossed it to Jacob who snatched it out of the air expertly and wrapped it around himself.

Something told me that the only reason for their attention to decency was because of Bella's presence, which I did appreciate. Being what they were, though, I expected that nudity was something that they had given up on avoiding. I suddenly felt a pang of guilt as I noticed two females among the pack. It was shocking enough that the werewolf gene had somehow spread to incorporate females, but knowing the exposure they were subjected to among the dominant population of males among the pack made me feel just a tiny bit sympathetic towards them.

"Sam." Jacob addressed him firmly, concerns that Sam was betraying him running rampantly through his mind.

"You gave me a choice, Jacob, and I have decided. I will not be a tool in your games any more. You know this isn't right."

"Sam, I am your Alpha,"

"And I have chosen to disobey you." Sam's voice was firm, strong, and decisive. He turned towards Bella who was quivering on the ground, Alice crouched next to her with her teeth bared at the several members of the pack that had advanced towards her. Sam extended his hand and Bella took it with her own shaking hand and he helped her to her feet.

"Go to the car, Bella." Jacob repeated as he watched Sam's kind gesture towards her, his fists clenching and unclenching as he struggled to maintain control.

Bella debated for a moment, biting down on her lower lip, her eyes full of fear and uncertainty for a brief second before she said again, "No, Jacob."

"Don't tell me no, Bella. I'm your-"

"You are not my husband, Jacob. You never will be."

"Excuse me?!" He roared. "Just because he's back, the entire wedding is off now? You can't do that, Bella. He's not worth it."

"Don't you dare tell me what is worth it, Jacob. You don't know the last thing about what is worth it." A sob caught the last word as she spoke it and I saw tears welling behind the hardened surface of her eyes.

"Nothing in this world is worth anything without love, Jake. You know as well as I do that I have never loved you like that. And you know what," She sniffled, realization crossing her face suddenly, "You can't convince me that you love me anymore, either."

"Bella." He warned, his voice was threatening.

"You wouldn't hurt someone you love."

"Well then how could you think he loves you?!" Jacob roared, causing Bella to flinch backwards slightly. "He hurt you! Why are you so quick to forgive him!?"

Her face contorted several times before a calm and peaceful look finally settled.

"He left to protect me. He thought that he was doing what was best for me. He tried to make sure that I was happy… which is more than I can say for you, Jake. You thought that just because you saved me from my burning house you automatically had full reign over my life. You knew that even though I hardly knew you at the time, that I wouldn't turn down a place to live. You… you took advantage of my situation. You made me dependant on you.."

"That's not true, Bells." Jacob tried to force a nicer edge to his voice, but his thoughts were acidic. He was growing more and more angry by the second as Bella embarrassed him in front of his entire pack.

" I'm not that girl, Jake. I'm not that girl that people feel sorry for because her husband beats her and she just takes it. I'm done accepting the abuse as a side effect of what you are."

Jacob blinked several times before narrowing his eyes at her in disbelief.

"But I have a choice, now. A choice that you cannot manipulate with threats." She continued.

"And what exactly is this choice you have made." He growled, his entire body visibly trembling with effort at this point.

"I choose love." Bella stated simply, throwing a sidelong glance at me, drawing me back into reality. She then turned and looked behind me, letting her eyes travel over every member of my family individually before turning back to Jake and adding - "I choose my family."

I had been somewhat disconnected from reality for a minute, watching the dialogue exchanged as if it had been more of a dream sequence than actuality. I felt my lifeless heart jump into my throat as Bella met my eyes for the tiniest of seconds. It seemed almost unreal to me that she had just defended me like that, and it took a moment of convincing before I actually let myself believe it.

"And the people on this reservation haven't been more than a family to you?" He narrowed his eyes at her again, challenging her to keep arguing with him. She did.

"I love them, yes. I appreciate them, definitely… But I don't belong here, Jacob. This was never my home."

"Bella," Jacob's voice was now pleading. "This is not the time or place for this conversation."

"Well then when is, Jacob? When we're alone and no one else can hear or see? When we're on our way to the wedding that we both know is wrong?"

"You getting married to me is not wrong." He argued quickly, "What's wrong is you getting married to _that_!" He gestured to me by jerking his thumb in my direction. "At least with me you can have kids… and a pulse." He spat.

"Maybe that's not what I want." Bella whispered.

"Maybe you don't know what you want." He retorted coldly.

"Maybe I do."

"What do you want that I couldn't give you, Bella?" He demanded.

She released her breath in a short huff, resembling a snort almost, but kinder. "Love." She repeated.

His face hardened for a moment before he scoffed. "Well today is not your day, then. The treaty expressly forbids them leaving with their lives… or whatever you call the phenomenon that their existence is.."

"No, Jake." She said softly. "Leave them alone."

"I'm sorry, Bella. They are at fault here. I am just following the rules set out by our ancestors." He shrugged. "Well, _my_ ancestors." He corrected, throwing a distasteful glance at Carlisle.

"So you will fault them for caring about me?" Bella frowned.

He faltered at her words, a retort stalling on the tip of his tongue as his arms went limp with near defeat. "You know that's not…" He started, throwing a glance at the faces of his pack members, all standing quietly, watching the conversation as if it were a tennis match. Their brows were pulled together in tight frowns. In their human form, Jacob couldn't read their minds like I could. Jacob didn't know that the majority of his pack had lost over half of the respect they had had for him as an Alpha. "Bella, you really should go to the car. I don't want you to witness this." He warned her, feigning concern.

Ignoring him, she took several steps towards me and slipped her hand into mine, looking back at my family quickly and then up at me as she said - "Lets go home."

"Bella, move out of the way. It would be a shame for you to get hurt because of this."

"It's not like you've held any aversion to hurting her in the past." Rosalie snarled from behind me.

Jacob ignored her, turning his head to the pack and gesturing towards Rosalie as if he was giving them permission to take her out.

No one moved.

Jacob repeated the gesture, waiting for one of them to understand and phase to obey their alpha.

Again, no one moved.

Everything was still for several moments before Sam made a motion. All eyes turned towards him as he turned away from the scene unfolding before him and began climbing the slope away from us.

We watched his steady ascent up the sand covered hillside. I tried to glean some insight into what was going through the minds of the rest of the pack at that moment, but all I could hear were Jacob's loud and violent thoughts of anger and rage. Sam was his right hand man. Sam was one of the strongest in the pack. Maybe even stronger than Jacob himself. Losing Sam was something unthinkable to Jacob and he knew that it would come with its consequences. His departure would no doubt hold some sort of influence over the rest of the pack. Even Quil and Embry looked entirely shocked at Sam's actions.

"He'll be sorry." Jacob muttered under his breath, more as a warning to the rest of the pack than a reassurance to himself, though.

"Well at least one of you is able to show some backbone." Rosalie rolled her eyes again, fueling his aggravation further.

"Will one of you please just take the blonde bitch out.." He groaned, turning back to face the pack.

"Do it yourself." a teenage looking boy in the front said. According to the shocked minds of the boys surrounding him, his name was Seth and disrespecting the alpha was something that no one had thought him capable of. He recoiled, however, as Jacob sent him a vicious glare. "I just mean… your clothes are already ripped." He backtracked, throwing his gaze to the ground immediately.

"My attentions are of better use on her brother, Seth, and since you were so kind to voice your opinion, I designate the job to you."

Seth's eyes grew large as he looked back up to Jacob. He made no motion to oblige, though.

"Well, sic her." Jacob's face contorted into a terrifying grin as he made a direct order.

I noticed Emmett move to stand in front of Rosalie, but she was quick to punch him in the shoulder and give him a 'what-the-hell-are-you-doing' glare causing him to return to his previous spot throwing her a surreptitious and concerned glance.

Seth was still hesitating, looking between Rosalie's poised figure to Jacob, a look of both fear and loathing in his eyes.

_Sam was right. Jacob has changed. This is so unlike him._

The mental voice in which transmitted that message was mainly Seth's, but it was the same, only in different wording, among the 16 others standing around dissecting the situation with distaste.

"No thank you, Jake." Seth finally said politely, a slight degree of wavering in his voice.

"Excuse me?" Jacob snarled.

Seth hesitated a moment before finally responding through a prominent frown. "I don't know what happened to you, Jake. You've changed. You're not the same Jacob you used to be."

"Regardless, Seth, I am still your alpha." Jacob snapped.

"No. My alpha, the Jacob I knew, would never have hurt Bella. My alpha would never willingly sacrifice a member of the pack unless it was absolutely necessary. You are no alpha, Jake. You are something dark and… evil. I don't want any part of this." He shrugged, finally, and turned to follow the footprints Sam had left in the sand.

Desperate, Jacob turned to the remaining pack members. Fear entered his thoughts for the first time as he read the uncertainty in each of their eyes as they looked between Seth's retreating form and Jacob.

One by one, they turned, following Seth up the hill slowly, deliberately, until only two of them remained. Quil and Embry exchanged knowing glances before crossing to Jacob. Quil stepped forward and placed his hands on Jacob's shoulders for a moment, meeting his eyes with an apologetic frown before turning to make his exit. Embry followed behind him, not making eye contact with Jacob, but simply clapping him on the shoulder and trotting after Quil.

Jacob stood, silent, his thoughts shockingly calm as his chest heaved with the effort to repress his emotions. It was obvious who had won, and I fought a smile off as I turned, placing my hand in the small of Bella's back to lead her away with me. To my great joy, she didn't hesitate to look back at Jacob. There was not a tear in her eyes as she turned with me, determination and relief tangibly emanating from her, and began walking away. My family followed suit, their thoughts victorious, though in Emmett, Rose, and Jasper's case, slightly annoyed that no real punches had been thrown.

I felt it through Jasper, first. Jasper noticed the sudden, irrepressible swell of anger exploding behind us as the reality of the situation hit Jacob. I saw his actions in his mind with only a split second to spare.

"Alice." I hissed, pushing Bella away from me and towards her. She reacted quickly, catching Bella expertly and pulling her out of the way as I felt Jacob's wolf form slam into my back. Had I not taken the moment to get Bella out of harms way, I would have been able to retaliate immediately, but the risk was too great. I was not going to let Bella get hurt if there was anything I could do about it.

As soon as Bella registered the situation, a scream of terror broke through her lips and Alice released her in shock. I turned over, pushing myself off of the sand and slamming Jacob backwards with my other arm. He flew several yards through the air, crashing into the sand close to the smoldering glow of the fire, immediately springing back up to attack again. I was already at his throat again before he could attack. It was better if I kept the fight away from Bella. His teeth snapped dangerously close to my neck and I pushed him farther away from me, my nose wrinkling at the repulsive scent of him.

"Bella!" Alice squealed, suddenly realizing that Bella was no longer at her side.

"Jacob, No!" Bella's voice startled me as I realized that she was much closer than she should be.

Even for a vampire's heightened reflexes, everything happened so quickly, then. I whirled just in time to see Bella trip on a log and go sprawling through the air. I saw the hot dog poker laying in the sand and even without Alice's psychic ability, I knew what was going to happen. I didn't get to witness it, or even react to it, though. Bella's proximity had given Jacob just the amount of distraction he needed and I felt his strong and powerful teeth connect with my shoulder. With a huff, I fell to my knees. The smell of Bella's blood paralyzed me. Had it not been for Emmett and Rosalie stepping in, Jacob may have had my head, then.

Fear coursed through me as I thought of Jasper in such close proximity to Bella's spilled blood and I immediately searched for his thoughts. Confirming my fears, he was battling the same blood lust that I was, though with less distractions.

"No!" I shouted, turning to watch as both he and Alice darted towards Bella. I pushed myself to my feet to rush to Bella's aid, but at that exact moment, Jacob evaded both Rosalie and Emmett somehow and took a second snap at my shoulder, knocking me to the ground again. Knowing that it was too late to get to Bella before Jasper did now, I hoped that Carlisle and Alice would be able to stop him from killing her as he would undoubtedly feed from her freshly wounded arm. I turned quickly, throwing Jacob to the ground. He emitted a light yelp, but recovered quickly. I dodged his teeth again as he lunged for my throat. Rosalie and Emmett backed off slightly, not knowing whether I wanted to take on the dog alone or not. I motioned with my head that their assistance would be appreciated, knowing that the sooner he was taken care of the sooner I could get to Bella.

"Go. We'll take care of him." Emmett offered, understanding my body language surprisingly well.

I knew that the two of them together would be more than able to handle Jacob, so I didn't hesitate in turning back to run to Bella's side. Jasper's blood lust had doubled, and I was certain that if he hadn't already gotten to her, that they were struggling to fight him off. Much to my surprise, though, he wasn't doing either. Instead, he was kneeling beside her, her head in his lap. His face was covered in a frown, but he was concentrating on keeping his control. I felt a pang of guilt for immediately expecting the worst from him, but was quickly distracted from it as I noticed that Bella's eyes were closed and her face was pale.

"She's fine, Edward." Carlisle assured me, "It didn't hit any major and consequential veins and the bleeding should stop soon." He promised. "She looked at the blood and immediately fainted, though." He added, slightly confused.

"She hates blood." I informed him. He caught the irony in the fact immediately, but did not let his amusement show through. He nodded once and joined Esme at Bella's side. I crouched down next to Jasper and placed my hand against her cheek.

"She's okay." Jasper promised me. I looked up at him questioningly and he edited his words, "_I'm_ okay."

I nodded once. I knew he was telling me the truth. He could handle this now. He was prepared for this and he wasn't willing to lose his control. I hadn't breathed since I had first smelled her blood, but I could feel it in the atmosphere. I could _taste_ the scent on my tongue, even. I gulped down a mouthful of venom.

"Edward." Emmett called grimly. I turned to face him and found him and Rose standing next to a limp mass of fur on the ground.

Limp, but not yet lifeless.

_You deserve the final blow._

I gulped and crossed the beach towards them again. They stepped back as I approached the quivering pile of fur collapsed on the ground. His breath was ragged and coming out in short, weak whimpers of defeat. His thoughts were no longer angry. His thoughts were self loathing and embarrassed. He lifted an eyelid to stare at me as I stood over him.

I decided then that he would live.

I could tell that he had no intention of ever crossing my family again. His temper had placed him in the hands of death and the only thing that could save him was undeserved mercy. I knew, though, as did he, that living with the shame of losing his entire pack to selfish blind rage would be harder than death. Death was too easy of an out, and I wasn't willing to supply him with it. I locked my jaw and narrowed my eyes at him in contemplation. He would live, if given the chance. Emmett and Rose had roughed him up pretty bad, but he could physically pull through. Mentally though, he would never recover. That was enough for me. That was better than killing him, in a way.

Without addressing him, I turned and walked away, uttering a short "Leave him." to Emmett and Rosalie as I did so. They seemed to expect that from me, almost, because they didn't ask any questions. They exchanged a regretful glance and fell into stride behind me. As we neared the rest of the family, I spotted Carlisle's glance at the living body of Jacob left in my wake. I met his eyes firmly, not wavering on my own decision. He nodded once and turned his attention back on Bella. _Do you want me to carry her. She's still bleeding a little bit, but not much. It should stop as soon as we start running._

"I'll carry her." I said decisively.

The scent of her blood hit me like a force heavier than anything else, but somehow, I ignored it. I slipped my arms beneath her, curling her limp body against my chest as I straightened up and echoed Bella's earlier words.

"Let's go home."

* * *

And it's STILL not finished. Stay tuned for the epilogue / 19th chapter / Bella/Edward convo.  
I apologize for the apparent OOCness that is Jacob. There is no story without a villain, though. Also, I apologize to all those who wanted me to kill him. I don't feel right killing off someone elses character. (Though for some reason I don't have any problem making them a sadistic asshole.... idk, idk.)

You all are incredible though. This has been the most popular out of all of my fictions and I am truely grateful for that. I love reviews more than I could possibly explain. Nothing is better than waking up the morning after I post a chapter to an inbox full of reviews. It makes my day... most times, it makes my week.

From the bottom of my heart and half of my pancreas... thank you!


	19. Chapter 19

For hours I studied the steady rise and fall of her chest. Normally a fainting spell wouldn't last this long, but Carlisle explained that given the nature of the situation and the stress and anxiety she was already feeling, her unconsciousness was probably a result of multiple things, not just her dislike for blood. I carried her back through La Push and to our Fork's home as carefully as I could, paying special attention to not bouncing or jolting her in any way. She was still asleep by the time I had deposited her on the golden bedspread in my bedroom. I pulled up the other corner of the blanket and threw it over her body before I lay down next to her. I threw my arm over her waist and pulled her closer to me. For a moment, I buried my face in her hair, but then I realized that what I really wanted was to look at her. It seemed almost unreal that she was here with me. It seemed too good to be true. I laid there with Bella tucked securely in my arms for 3 hours, soaking in her beauty, allowing myself to flood with appreciation for this beautiful woman in my arms. I half expected her to sleep through the night and into the morning at this point, but she didn't. It was 4 in the morning when her eyes fluttered open. She was facing away from me, but I knew that she would register that I was there. The cold of my body, even through the blanket, would alert her of my presence. I watched as her eyes slowly opened. She blinked several times, squinting at her surroundings until they came into clearer focus. She exhaled, her body relaxing substantially as she did so. Slowly, she turned until she was laying on her back. She tilted her head until she was staring into my eyes. I searched for a sign of emotion. Any clue to the reactions she was feeling right now. For several agonizing moments, she just stared blankly. It wasn't until I saw the slight twitch in the corner of her mouth that was the beginning of her smile that my un-beating heart flooded with relief.

"Hi." She whispered.

"Hi." I half chuckled, returning her smile.

She was silent for several seconds, her smile disappearing as her brow furrowed in thought.

"Did…" She faltered, her eyes squinting in concern as her voice quieted.

"He's alive. But just barely." I answered her unspoken question.

"Well I was going to ask about the family, but… he's alive?" She frowned.

"The family is fine… and yes. Why do you seem so upset about that?" Panic began to fight against the relief in my chest.

"I'm not…" She hesitated, staring at me in almost disbelief, "I'm not upset. I just didn't think that you would…"

"Leave him alive?" I finished.

"Yeah." She whispered.

"Did you want me to kill him?" I raised an eyebrow.

"No.. no.." she shook her head. "I just didn't think you would want him alive."

"Well, before you go thinking that it was an act of nobility, let me assure you that you would be mistaken. I had a look inside of his mind, and I know that it is going to be much worse for him to have to live with what happened rather than giving him the easy way out." I explained.

"What happened?"

"Well, after the entire pack walked out on him, he lost it a little. He attacked me, and then you, true to character, decided to try to get in the middle of a fight between a werewolf and a vampire." I chuckled.

She winced, "I guess it figures that I wouldn't even make it to you guys before I fell and hurt myself."

"The one left behind hot dog poker, and your arm found it." I smirked.

She rolled her eyes, bringing her hand up and running her fingers through her hair. "Just my luck."

"It might have been just that, Bella."

"What?" She frowned.

"If you would have made it in between Jacob and I… there would have been no telling what would have happened. Jacob was… he was ruthless. He wouldn't have bothered worrying if you were in the way. It could have been much worse than a poker into your upper arm."

She cast her eyes down, sucking her lip in between her teeth contemplatively. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have…" She looked back up at me. Her eyes full of the apology her words were trying to express. "I shouldn't have tried to stop anything. You got hurt because of me. The last thing I remember is looking at the blood and then seeing Jacobs teeth inches from your neck."

"No lasting damage, Bella."

"But still… if I just would have stayed out of it…"

"Hey," I said, lifting her chin until she met my eyes again. "It all worked out."

A small smile toyed at her lips again and she turned on her side, pressing her head against my chest. I rested my cheek against her hair, ignoring the heavy scent of werewolf that was still on her.

We fell silent for about ten minutes then, reveling in each others presence without needing to alter the moment with unnecessary speech. I listened to the sounds of my family moving around downstairs.

"She's awake." Alice informed them, a smile on her face. "No- Emmett, leave them alone. They're going to need some time to talk. I swear, sometimes you are so insensitive."

"Well excuse me for not having the psychic touch." Emmett scowled.

"It has nothing to do with that Emmett, it has everything to do with the fact that I am a woman and therefore able to use my powers of deduction and observation rather than just act based on rash impulse, thank you."

"Well at least-" Emmett began to retort, but Esme cut him off.

"Drop it, Emmett. You can't beat Alice."

"Who says this was a competition?" Alice smirked, "I know better than to get into a battle of wits with someone who is unarmed."

"I will hang you from the roof by your underwear again!" Emmett threatened.

"Must it always resort to violence?" Carlisle's voice entered the conversation.

"That's just the only way Emmett can ever win." Alice rolled her eyes.

"You and Rose got a fair bit of action yesterday, Emmett. How on earth could you still have pent up aggression?" Carlisle chuckled.

"It's not aggression, I just like to pick on Alice." His response was immediately followed by a loud squeal from Alice.

"Not the hair, Emmett! You asshole!"

I chuckled into Bella's hair, causing her to turn her face up towards me. "What's so funny?"

"I was just listening to Emmett and Alice argue downstairs." I admitted.

Her face fell noticeably. Slowly, she downcast her eyes, her smile dissipating into a thin, straight line.

"What?" I frowned, suddenly concerned.

"Nothing." She mumbled, leaning her forehead into my chest.

"Bella…" I urged.

She hesitated, sighing a little before speaking.

"I forgot how much it sucks to be the lame and disadvantaged one of the family."

"You're not.."

"I am so. In comparison to the rest of you, I'm blind, deaf, and clumsier than should be legal. I always have to be taken care of. That's how it was at La Push, too. I'm always the weak one. I hate it."

I had no words to argue with her. She was right and I knew it. It was unfair to her, and as much as I wanted to be helpless in the matter, I wasn't. There was something I could do… and I was the only one that seemed set against it.

"Is that your subtle way of telling me to change you?" I asked softly.

"It wasn't very subtle, obviously." She mumbled, her face still hidden in my chest.

"After all you have been through, Bella… and at my expense, no less, I can't understand why you would want to put yourself through something like that just to be like me."

She lifted her head and met my eyes, a powerful sense of conviction crossing her face.

"Not to be_ like_ you." She shook her head, "To be _with_ you."

"After everything I have put you through… you still want to be with me.." I marveled, shaking my head slightly.

"Yes." She answered firmly. "More than anything in the world, that's what I want."

"And you're sure you have thought this through?" I said weakly.

To my surprise, she laughed. "Thought what through? Edward, I have nothing to lose in this anymore. All there is on the other side are things to gain. I don't have a family anymore. Renee is gone. Charlie is gone. Jacob isn't coming back, and even if he did, I would be better off with the ability to protect myself. All I have is you… and your family."

"And your soul?" I realized that the words came out as more of a question than a statement.

"A soul is meaningless without someone to devote it to. My soul means nothing without you."

"You can have both." I whispered.

"But for a limited time only. I'll grow weaker and more fragile than I am now as days pass… And eventually, I'll die. I don't want that inequality to haunt me my entire life. You couldn't even begin to understand how awful it is to be so dependant."

She had me. No matter how much I cared about her soul and her chance at an afterlife, it was clear that she had made her choice.

"Say something." She pleaded, moving her hand up to rest on my cheek. I tipped my head into her hand, reveling in the pleasant warmth.

"What do you want me to say?"

"Say yes." She whispered. "Tell me that you want me, too. As an equal."

I let my eyes flutter closed and my hand cover hers. "Of course I want you, Bella. But I also want what's best for you."

"You are what is best for me. I don't care how much you would like to think otherwise, I know what I want and I know what I need. You're it."

I opened my eyes slowly, deliberately, letting myself appreciate every inch of her pleading face before I finally met her gaze. A weight seemed to settle on my heart, dragging it down into the depths of my cold stomach as I gave one slow, solemn nod.

She relaxed slightly, her features softening and a discreet but triumphant smile tugging at the corner of her lips. "Thank you." She breathed.

The weight of what I had just agreed to hit me hard, then. Two years ago, I would have never agreed to changing Bella. But now, in light of all that had happened, I didn't have it in me to refuse her. I had made decisions for her in the past, and none of them had turned out very well. Bella had been living her life these past few years with no control over anything. Other people's decisions and actions were setting her life's course for her, without giving her any form of input at all.

"Edward." She whispered against my chest.

"Yes?"

"I love you."

The words were so innocent, so subtle and timidly spoken that it nearly broke my heart. Any resolve I had against changing her was shattered in that moment. I felt my eyelids flutter closed as I absorbed every ounce of her words carefully. So long I had waited to hear those words under circumstances like this. Under permanent circumstances.

_Permanent_

The word held a whole new meaning now. Permanence was now an implication of eternity. An eternity that had never appealed more to me.

I had always been so set against changing Bella that I had never allowed myself to see any benefit behind it. With the resignation to its imminent occurrence, it now held a whole new level of allure.

"I love you too." I whispered back into her hair.

----

Despite the enjoyable effects of reunion, the following weeks held an undertone of uncertainty. Being back in this house had reminded all of us how much we enjoyed Forks. As for Bella, it was the only home she had ever known. Based on the earlier events of the week, it was implied and accepted that we wouldn't be able to stay here for long. The treaty had been stretched to its breaking point as it was and pushing it any farther would be unquestionable idiocy.

Considering how little any of us were looking forward to moving back to Alaska, it came as a very welcomed surprise when Sam appeared as the new alpha offering an alteration to the treaty in which it was essentially negated.

He had approached quietly, not giving any signs of negative intentions.

"Edward." He nodded towards me. After he noticed me pulling Bella behind my back protectively, he added -"My visit has no harmful intent, I assure you." His thoughts confirmed his words, so I relaxed slightly. It had only taken seconds for the entire family, or what was available of it being as Alice and Jasper were hunting at the time, to assemble behind me.

"Carlisle," Sam turned his attention to my father as he appeared suddenly behind me. "My business is most importantly with you."

Carlisle nodded once, signifying his acknowledgement and allowing Sam to continue.

"As you may have guessed, I am the new alpha of the pack. Jacob hasn't been seen or heard from in two weeks, so I no longer feel obligated to speak to him regarding any pack-related decisions. He was both overthrown, and self-resigned to any position of power. That being said, I have made a decision that I feel should have been made long ago." Being able to read minds, I knew where he was going with this right from the start, but even so, I appreciated his careful use of words and the sincerity he placed behind them. "The restrictions set upon your family by the treaty are no longer binding. We have learned the difference between your family, and other vampires. And the way I see things, with your family in the area, there is less of a chance that others like Victoria will take advantage of things here. Of course, the damage has been done by Victoria. With a vampire like her posing the threats that she was, our pack expanded to include people that we never would have imagined… But, basically, your family has proven itself to be more of a help than a harm. And we all love Bella like a sister, and its nice to see her well taken care of." He hesitated, searching for the right words to conclude with. "So… we're sorry for any inconveniences, and you're welcome to stay in the area as long as you need to." He gulped when he had finished, suddenly worrying if he had made a wrong choice in coming alone.

Carlisle's lips pursed into a thin, straight line as he studied Sam for a moment, almost as if judging his sincerity. Finally, he stepped forward, extending a hand. Sam relaxed substantially as he accepted the gesture and shook Carlisle's hand firmly.

"My many thanks, Sam. You will make a fine leader. And may I add that if there is any way we can ever assist you, please, feel free to ask. Your generosity has ensured a friendship beyond what nature could have ever intended." Carlisle smiled.

Sam smiled back slightly, releasing his grip on Carlisle's hand and turning to me. He was about to speak when Bella moved around me and circled her arms around his waist. It was almost laughable how tiny Bella looked in comparison to Sam. Her head barely reached his shoulder. He didn't seem at all taken aback by her actions, though. He returned her gesture lovingly before holding his hand out towards me around her back. I accepted the handshake, trying not to grimace at the stifling heat.

"Take care of her." He nodded, images of a stronger, vampire Bella vividly invading his thoughts briefly.

"I will." I nodded, releasing his hand. Bella let go of Sam and stepped back towards me, entwining her fingers in mine, a tear threatening to run down her cheek despite the smile on her face.

"Thanks, Sam." She whispered.

He smiled and nodded again before turning to leave.

"Sam.." Bella called out, releasing my hand and taking several steps towards him to compensate for his two long strides away from her.

"Yeah, Bells?" He turned to face her again.

"Um…" She rocked on her heels uncertainly for a moment before continuing, "If you see him… can you tell him that I'm happy…"

"Yeah, Bells. No problem." He whispered.

"Thanks." She replied softy, turning back to face me. She stopped short when she caught sight of me. I tried to wipe the expression off of my face, but I couldn't seem to shake the awe that her words had stirred within me. I must have looked like an idiot, staring at her like she had just given me the greatest gift in the world.

"What?" She shook her head.

"Nothing." I whispered.

Sensing otherwise, my family immediately dispersed, leaving Bella and I alone on the front porch.

"Liar." She called, raising an eyebrow.

I hesitated, staring at her questioning position before speaking - "Did you mean it?"

"Mean what?"

"Are you happy?"

A smile took over her frown and she nodded once. "Yes. I'm happy."

I looked down at my feet trying to hide the huge and embarrassing grin threatening to overcome me. I grabbed Bella's hand and walked over to the porch swing, beckoning her to join me on it. She eyed me curiously as I patted the seat next to me before laughing and situating herself on my lap instead.

She rested her head on my chest, mindlessly winding her fingers through mine. "Are you happy?" She inquired innocently.

"More than you could imagine." I admitted.

"I think I can imagine, if it is anything similar to how happy I-"

"No, Bella. I only wish that I could make you as happy as you make me." I corrected her.

"You do."

"Impossible."

"You can." She altered.

"How?"

"You know how."

I faltered for a moment. "Soon." I promised her. "We don't have to leave anymore. You can be changed here, in Forks, if that's what you want."

"I do like it here." She nodded, "But I don't want to put anyone in danger.."

"We wont let you hurt anyone, Bella. We'll look after you." I promised.

"I know that." She assured me. "I just worry."

"You have nothing to worry about anymore." I kissed her forehead, "Except of course the pain."

"The pain doesn't matter as long as I have an eternity to think about to get me through it… and you by my side." She shrugged.

"You're too brave. I think I'm more afraid than you."

"It's okay to be afraid. Fear means that you have something to lose."

I frowned a little, confused by her meaning.

"I stopped being afraid after you left." She explained. "I wasn't scared of anything anymore. Especially after Renee and Charlie… But then when you told me that you loved me again, you gave me a reason to be afraid again."

I felt my frown deepen. I understood what she meant, but it still made no sense for her to say it. Was she implying that I was the only thing she had to live for?

"Bella… I" I started, but she cut me off by pressing her warm finger to my lips.

"Marry me." She whispered. Her voice was so quiet that I wouldn't have been able to understand without my superior senses, but I did hear her. Even so, I still had to ask -

"What?"

"Marry me, Edward." She repeated, hiding her blush by pressing her face into my chest.

"Yes."

Slowly, she turned her head up towards me.

"Yes." I repeated, nodding for emphasis.

Why did she look so surprised? Her eyes widened, glistening with tears as she stared back at me.

"When?"

"Tomorrow." I shrugged. "Right now. Whenever you want. The only thing that could make me happier than marrying you would be making you even more happy than you already claim to be. It's all up to you. Whatever you want, I want too."

Tears spilled freely down her cheeks now, her pulse thundered against every inch of her skin. "I want to be less breakable first." She whispered.

"Sensible." I nodded.

"Tomorrow?" Her voice was weak, but resolute.

"Tomorrow." I agreed, taking notice of how calmly I could now discuss Bella's impending change.

"Tomorrow." She echoed breathily, a smile claiming her face for only a second before all show of emotion was lost against my marble lips.

_Tomorrow _

That was all we had, now. Tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day. And eternity of tomorrows that used to seem like my own personal hell were now made up of everything that was important to me.

All that mattered from this point forward was Bella. I had Bella, and we had tomorrow. It was amazing to me that one clumsy, fascinating, unpredictable teenage girl had given someone as uncaring as me something to live for.

I had Bella, and we had forever.

T H E E N D

* * *

Thank you all so much for the reviews and endless support and patience. This fiction is now complete.

I have no plans for another fiction at the moment, but I'll keep trying to think of one. I'm always open to suggestions or requests, too.

:D


End file.
